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You give me the busiest airport with a very congested approach sector and bad weather, even throw in an emer, and I will get everyone home on the ground safely, I can do that....this emotional affair stuff, am lost.


That's partly what bothers me about your situation.

I don't like the idea of being at 30,000 ft. and the air traffic controller monitoring my flight is blanked out at his radar screen; mentally ruminating about the fact that his wife might have swallowed for another guy.
 

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B2DM,

Have you exposed the OM, was he a "trainer" at the gym?

Do you still live within 50 miles of the OM?

Does your WW still go to the gym?

Has your WW changed her behaviors, for example if she still goes to the gym does she still talk with random men?

Has she given you her passwords to facebook and etc?

Your WW being in an affair is embarrasing, you asking for the truth is not.

Tamat
 

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Tell hubby to drink pineapple juice. Makes it taste better they say.
Hubby's is fine. Ex husbands was foul. Like dry heave foul.

But even so, I still don't ALWAYS swallow. He never says anything if I do, but if I spit he laughs because he knows it was a particularly bad batch.

My BFF swallows because she loves it. She's often said she'd like a spoog flavored ice cream. She's a little off in the head. :)
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The fact that she swallows for her H is not indicative that she swallowed for OM.

My high school boyfriend – first BJ I ever gave – I swallowed once. And had to chug a quart of orange juice afterwards. Never again with him.
So, what you are saying is...you had to swallow once to realize you didn't want to swallow again...
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So, what you are saying is...you had to swallow once to realize you didn't want to swallow again...
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At the age of 17, yes. I was with my boyfriend for a year at the time, people were talking about it, I tried it and almost vomited.

But later in life I decided that swallowing was not something I would do with a casual sex partner, nor someone I wasn't sure what my future was like with. I was with my ex husband for quite some time before I did. I was also with my current husband for quite some time before I did. I also have other men in my sexual history who I'd not swallowed with -- ever.

By the same token, my husband had several sexual partners before me, but only performed oral sex on one - 3 times TOTAL.

My point is, women don't always do everything the same with every man they are with. It is not safe to assume that what a woman does with one, she will do with all.
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A woman may not do the same with all men but her husband should get everything all the other guys got, especially if it was a case of her doing it with an affair partner.
 

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A woman may not do the same with all men but her husband should get everything all the other guys got, especially if it was a case of her doing it with an affair partner.
To our knowledge she is. She swallows with OP. She has told OP that she did NOT with AP. There are a lot of people saying if she does it with OP, she most certainly did it with AP.

I'm simply trying to point out that it's not always one size fits all.
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Ok yes I agree with you.

Lots of assumptions being made and it's not doing the Op any good to hear that she probably did all these things with her affair partner even though she says she did not. It's like rubbing the salt in his wounds for no good reason.

I'd prefer to think positive. She said she didn't whats wrong with giving her the benefit of the doubt especially if it's something we would like to believe is true.
 

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For many years with my husband he would let me know when he was going to finish and I could either make the choice to keep it in my mouth or pull it out and finish it with my hand.
:) My ex-gf could tell exactly when I was close and when I was about to release (and would always stop). No matter how much I tried to hide it....

Perhaps there is some exciting taboo about doing the things she doesn't do with official party that lets the car-sex become more of a fantasy. But as earlier poster says, either have to take her at her word (and suffer the risk of being lied to), or realise it will bother him and that if he can't get over it look at breaking up because he can't handle the doubt (even though he can sort of handle the affair).

A couple of swingers I know have a "no blowjob" rule as that's what they do "special" just for each other (it's just their particular pattern). and sometimes it's done like that "because this is the mouth I kiss my kids with"
 

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You can never know for sure, either you decide to believe her or you try to make a logical guess.

But it's still going to be a guess, not proof.

...

This is (swallowing) a sexual practice that men love, but women have several different attitudes about it:
some girls will refuse to even try, finding the act simply disgusting. some girls tried once or twice but didn't like it, so they won't try again. some girls will possibly avoid because they don't like it but will perform it if requested, when they deem it necessary to keep the guy interested or happy. some girls don't mind it and will do it to please or impress. some girls just love it and will do it every time or almost every time.

Now, your wife performed it without you asking when you started to have sex, so she's probably part of one of the last two categories.

Were you the first one? Only you know the circumstances and how she behaved, but it's unlikely for a girl to try and swallow for the first time without being asked, sounds like she had experiences before; you might try to recall her reaction, but first timers rarely act like they drunk a glass of milk...

The fact is that performing this unrequested will start in most men two opposite reactions: they are impressed (as in "wow, she knows her sex!") but they are also suspicious of the girls' morality (as in "hey! isn't this kind of slvttish?"). In other words girls showcase abilities young men want in a girl they sleep with, but may not want in the partner for a LTR, unless they are the ones teaching them. That may explain why she told you you were the first one she performed this for.

So we know your wife at least doesn't mind it, and does this to impress a new lover.

You add that your wife was deeply afraid of a pregnancy because that would out her on the spot, so PIV was strictly with condom...

Having to place restrictions on PIV she had to find different ways to keep the sex interesting for AP, and since she doesn't mind swallowing....

I think it's very likely she did...

...

Of course all this things might change in different circumstances, but you didn't write much details.

If her lover was much younger, for example, she might not have needed to make the sex more interesting.

If she confessed her A maybe his lover got tired of protected PIV and half done BJs and dumped her,
and so on...
 

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Did she tricke truth a lot?

How long did it take before she told you everything (as far as you know)?

How long has it been since you got the last bit of information?

Was she in love with OM? Or did she picture a future with him?

If she didn't have feelings for him and always wanted to keep her marriage to you I don't find it unlikely that she kept that one act sacred, if she still loved you through it all then she might be telling the truth. I think trickle truth tend to be quite even, but I don't have a lot of experience with that, husband told me everything in one day, and since then nothing new has come out, and that's about a year ago now. So I do believe him, but this thread really triggered me and has me wondering all over again...
 

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I'm very skeptical of any claim from a cheater. And I'm very skeptical of any claims of "this was the first/only time" about anything whether related to a person's sexual history or their cheating activities. Furthermore, many men have had a vasectomy (or claim to have had one), making a condom unnecessary.

For all those reasons I would assume any woman in an affair did anything and everything. She, with very rare exception, will lie, minimize, gas light, and obscure the truth. We all know "just friends" means a fvck buddy, a kiss means a bj, etc in cheaterspeak.

The woman will typically do more for her affair partner(s) than she does for her husband. That's part of the fantasy for her, and part of what the posom pushes for.

There are only 2 options. First, one can simply assume the cheater did every possible sex act with posom. Second, one can set up a polygraph. If you go with the polygraph, do it intelligently. Have her write out in detail the timeline of the affair including sex acts. Have her list all the sex acts they did. There's a good list somewhere on this site of things to have her write down in her list. Places, dates, times, who was there, how they got there, alcohol/drugs, condoms used, where he finished on/in her, etc etc etc. Then in the polygraph one of the questions is if this is the complete and correct story. Another question should be if there have been any other affairs or infidelities of any kind since they first started dating.

OP, if you're still here, one thing you're hearing from everybody here is that you'll never know for sure without the polygraph. Most of us haven't required the polygraph, so what you're being told is that people many years out from d-day still don't know all the details or truth of their cheating spouse's activities.
 

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Lots of assumptions being made and it's not doing the Op any good to hear that she probably did all these things with her affair partner even though she says she did not. It's like rubbing the salt in his wounds for no good reason.

I'd prefer to think positive. She said she didn't whats wrong with giving her the benefit of the doubt especially if it's something we would like to believe is true.
May be, but D2 may as well come to terms with those assumptions now and desensitize himself to the possibilities of what she could have done with the other man. If he doesn't do it now, he'll be on a slow burn for months and years to come thinking about, "did I get the whole story".
According to our man D2, he has no real problem with anything she did short of swallowing the guys semen. In that regard, I've known many married women in a past life and I've yet to find one that, while having sex would stop the AP short of the goal, whatever that is, because her husband wouldn't like it if she did. Like, "gee Bobby, all I'm going to do with you is missionary and maybe a little doggy. It would be disrespectful to my hubby and my marriage to do reverse cowgirl with you"
The girl was honkering down on the OM's johnson multiple times in a parked car in order to satisfy him and give him something to remember before sending him home to wifey. It ain't much of a stretch to believe she gave him the full monty.
 

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thing is for me its a deal breaker if she swallowed....

....what can I do? how do I find out the truth?

Our R is going good with her doing the heavy lifting so thats not as much a issue as its the disgusting sexual details.
If you are the sort that MUST know, then I think the polygraph is the only way for you to both move forward.

For those who are recommending you leave her, I bring attention back to your first post that you are trying to R.

I agree with you, and disagree with posters who say your kids will be fine in the short term if you divorce. Your wife is currently dependent on you. You have a busy job that doesn't easily allow you to cover the majority of child minding duties if you share custody. Their quality of life will almost certainly decrease in the short term given your current situation. I think a little advance planning can improve everyone's situation should your R not be successful.

Insist as part of your R that your wife start prepping for a career of some kind. With kids in school, she can go back to school also and get a job. Nursing, office admin, bookkeeper/accountant etc. Those jobs are always in demand. This way, if you don't make it longterm, you can be confident she will be okay. Hope for the best but plan for the worst, as the saying goes.
 
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