Elated with the success on her end, but now I’m having issues
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So if anyone comes across this thread with similar issues, I wanted to be of some encouragement.
With PIV being more frequent lately, my issues have diminished somewhat. I have not gotten T supplements, nor have I taken any pills. The more we do it, the longer I can last and remain at attention. In fact, she almost reached O the other night when we heard our adult daughters car pull up and we knew she would come up to say hello before she turned in for the night. Kinda ruined the moment, but was a good problem to have.
I did not have a lot of faith in “retraining” my brain, but low and behold, I think there is something to this.
With sex painful for so long for her, there was still a life, but nothing replaces PIV for me. As much as I freely admit porn is a poison pill for many reasons, I did resort to it a lot. There is a reason it is called every man’s battle.
Enter the E cream. Ta-da! The stuff does the job, ladies and gents!
Now that porn has taken a back seat and real sex has increased, I’m seeing a difference. I can’t describe how awesome this is. I think we’re back!
With PIV being more frequent lately, my issues have diminished somewhat. I have not gotten T supplements, nor have I taken any pills. The more we do it, the longer I can last and remain at attention. In fact, she almost reached O the other night when we heard our adult daughters car pull up and we knew she would come up to say hello before she turned in for the night. Kinda ruined the moment, but was a good problem to have.
I did not have a lot of faith in “retraining” my brain, but low and behold, I think there is something to this.
With sex painful for so long for her, there was still a life, but nothing replaces PIV for me. As much as I freely admit porn is a poison pill for many reasons, I did resort to it a lot. There is a reason it is called every man’s battle.
Enter the E cream. Ta-da! The stuff does the job, ladies and gents!
Now that porn has taken a back seat and real sex has increased, I’m seeing a difference. I can’t describe how awesome this is. I think we’re back!
This does seem to be a recurring theme - dryness and pain after menopause. I'm so glad my wife took the lead and worked hard to solve this. Because solve it she did. Also, I find it reassuring that you find yourself using less porn as actual sex frequency increases. Me too. I was comforted by that. I was not a "heavy" porn user but it was often (not always) part of my "self care" regimen. But there is, for me, a direct inverse relationship. It's kind of like the "air gap" in WW2 in the battle of the Atlantic. As actual PIV sex becomes more frequent the gap that the Uboots (U-porn 
) covers gets smaller. I really have no qualms with porn (assuming it does not rule your life). It's just that real life is funner.
) covers gets smaller. I really have no qualms with porn (assuming it does not rule your life). It's just that real life is funner.
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I described porn to my wife like this.
It’s junk food. You’re hungry. You are driving home. There is no good food available at home. The cupboards are bare. You see the Golden Arches. You swing in. Whatever.
You grab a numbered meal of what sounds good tonight and feast. It goes by quick, the appetite is satisfied, but…. You feel like crap. It does nothing good for you inside. The hole that is filled by only relations with your spouse is still empty.
You fall asleep, not hungry, but still empty and wishing you had something else to eat.
It’s junk food. You’re hungry. You are driving home. There is no good food available at home. The cupboards are bare. You see the Golden Arches. You swing in. Whatever.
You grab a numbered meal of what sounds good tonight and feast. It goes by quick, the appetite is satisfied, but…. You feel like crap. It does nothing good for you inside. The hole that is filled by only relations with your spouse is still empty.
You fall asleep, not hungry, but still empty and wishing you had something else to eat.
I don't feel like crap. I love McDonalds food. But I'll trade mcD's for a delicious filet mignon every time! And If I know I'm going to be eating well, I'll cut back on junk food to keep some room for the big meal. Wife knows i occasionally indulge in porn. We've used it (very sparsely) over the years. It just does not float her boat that much. She's just not visual. I joked about blindfolds once and she said why? She keeps her eyes closed a lot A think ordinarily a guy would be a bit cut by that...but she is just as blunt as can be. After this much time, I get it. I guess it's like sex with Helen Keller - she's all hands all the time
And If I know I'm going to be eating well, I'll cut back on junk food to keep some room for the big meal. Wife knows i occasionally indulge in porn. We've used it (very sparsely) over the years. It just does not float her boat that much. She's just not visual. I joked about blindfolds once and she said why? She keeps her eyes closed a lot A think ordinarily a guy would be a bit cut by that...but she is just as blunt as can be. After this much time, I get it. I guess it's like sex with Helen Keller - she's all hands all the time
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Well, if porn didn’t do something pleasurable for me, I wouldn’t indulge, so I can’t say I hate it, but not hating it does put me in a conundrum. Nobody likes to admit the rampant dysfunction that permeates the industry. Not to mention, I do have a strong faith and am active in my church, so there is that. There are so many valid reasons to wish it gone from the face of the earth.
I told my wife it is NOT her job replace porn in my life, but the honest truth is that she can certainly make that struggle easier on me.
Now I’m hoping I don’t get responses to this part that tell me I’m a hypocrite or something I already know that. I’m working on myself. We’re working on us. It’s a never ending program, but it’s been a whole lot of fun lately.
I told my wife it is NOT her job replace porn in my life, but the honest truth is that she can certainly make that struggle easier on me.
Now I’m hoping I don’t get responses to this part that tell me I’m a hypocrite or something I already know that. I’m working on myself. We’re working on us. It’s a never ending program, but it’s been a whole lot of fun lately.
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I've been in between as well with my wife on this. I'm HD and she's LD. Its been an issue off and on for us as well, especially in the last 5 years or so. Since I've been IN IC for several years now, I have learned to be an effective partner in the communications dept. Now that has occurred I've started discussing openly or lack of intimacy. It doesn't affect her so she didn't notice how if did and does affect me. I've indulged in occasional use of porn as most here have for self remedy. However as I've told her, im a married man that should have to resort to that period. I did ask her would she rather work together to better our intimacy, quality over quantity or me just use porn, get in bed and say good night dear. She obviously chose the latter as I had hoped and now we have drastically improved our intimacy over what its been in over 20 years! Great benefit is we are happier, less stressed and sleep way better.
Also reestablishing a better intimacy level in all ways has been helping very good with the ED issue and im pursuing the testosterone side as well.
Also reestablishing a better intimacy level in all ways has been helping very good with the ED issue and im pursuing the testosterone side as well.
Not from me MIB I've heard very respected researchers wonder if porn does/can serve a positive purpose. Both men and women are wired up to seek sexual variety...but men are wired up way more so. Lots of replicable studies prove this. So the speculation is that porn allows that craving for variety to be satisfied a bit without actually inflicting infidelity trauma. Lots of assumptions there though, and no studies. Just speculation. Makes some sense to me. On the other hand, just cause we carry inherited behavioral tendencies, we are not excused from ethical behavior. There are adult content sites that are curated by women, and have "fair trade" content. I firmly believe that many performers are quite rational and really want to pursue the work they are doing (watch some Youtube videos by Holly Randal to see how non-dysfunctional these folks are!) . But no matter how well curated or ethically produced, I don't want Porn to replace or interfere with a loving physical relationship with my wife. So we both may be striving for the same end, for different reasons.
I've heard very respected researchers wonder if porn does/can serve a positive purpose. Both men and women are wired up to seek sexual variety...but men are wired up way more so. Lots of replicable studies prove this. So the speculation is that porn allows that craving for variety to be satisfied a bit without actually inflicting infidelity trauma. Lots of assumptions there though, and no studies. Just speculation. Makes some sense to me. On the other hand, just cause we carry inherited behavioral tendencies, we are not excused from ethical behavior. There are adult content sites that are curated by women, and have "fair trade" content. I firmly believe that many performers are quite rational and really want to pursue the work they are doing (watch some Youtube videos by Holly Randal to see how non-dysfunctional these folks are!) . But no matter how well curated or ethically produced, I don't want Porn to replace or interfere with a loving physical relationship with my wife. So we both may be striving for the same end, for different reasons.
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Simply put, there is never a time I have used porn where I would not rather it be my wife. In fact, I’ve often stopped short of finishing because I want that to be with her. Like, I take a gamble in case things would occur between us. Not that she would not want to please me, but we lived an extremely busy life and many nights, we went to bed exhausted.Not from me MIB
Maybe I’m weird, I dunno, but everything from the moment of penetration to the intertwined spooning afterwards, every step of the way brings a unique rush of it’s own. The moments afterwards are amazing. It’s like I can feel my very being connecting with hers as we are at rest.
Porn gets me off physically and there is that rush of dopamine, but it leaves me feeling unfinished. I still long for that spousal connection afterwards.
I guess I’m just a big softie 😂
TinyT: Posts like yours are one reason why I find TAM so helpful/reassuring. As my wife worked on ways to make sex comfortable for herself again (viva the magic E-Cream!) , our sex life has come back online more and more. Frequency and passion have increased. But point to make - the increase in activity is not huge. We are not rockin the house 5 days a week. Often 3, often 2 x a week. We are not freaks in the sheets. But that incremental change makes an ENORMOUS difference to me. So much so that I feel embarrassed. Can sex mean that much? Am I that shallow? But when I got into my manic phase of reading infidelity sites, and just reading TAM, it's clear that yes, sex is the Jenga block that determines how a guys world is structured. Our intimacy nowadays is wonderful. We kiss and touch and play every day numerous times a day. We are not screwing. We are just being a couple. I love it. I think wife loves it. I don't pressure her for sex. She does not feel like I'm jonesing to get laid when I give her a foot rub or touch her shoulders. And what brings this about? Passionate, desired sex. Not a mountain of it. But enough.
It's St. Patrick's day so I'll note that in Irish, the way to say "enough" is go leor. As as an Irish person might say, "enough is a treasure."
It's St. Patrick's day so I'll note that in Irish, the way to say "enough" is go leor. As as an Irish person might say, "enough is a treasure."
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I swear, you and I are living parallel lives when it comes to our wives and how things are progressing. I could have wrote what you just did.
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