Having a problem accepting spouse's EA. We are seeing a MC and things are better, but i'm still fixated on whether she had any physical contact with the other person? We went thru months of talking and figuring it out with the MC. My spouse was not truthful to me or the MC about whether they were not emailing and sending texts to one another. The MC worked her thru it and my spouse said nothing physical happened....I pressed to write him and inform him and his wife, really pressed and that's when things got ugly.We went to the MC and he worked us through it , but i guess she had been building up a dislike for me because i was treating her badly ...neglecting her, giving her the silent treatment, etc for a long time...In the MC's office she told me she didn't know if she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me.....Oh, S...t! Anyhow, like i said, we have been working through it for 4 months now, but i still feel she isn't into it as much as i am? How can i get the information out without making this whole thing work out? i fee as if i just ask the questions at the MC's office she'll go crazy and blame me for rocking the boat?
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You can't be afraid to rock the boat. You know that nagging feeling that there is more to her A, Well, it WILL NOT go away until you get your answers. You can't be afriad to ask these types of questions!
Also, she should have no problem answering them if she wants to work the marriage out.
However, this may be tough if she has checked out of the marriage. How long ago did she say the "didn't know if she wanted to spend the rest of her life with you?"
This could mean she is already gone, or she is still involved with the OM. Are you positive about NC? have you checked cell records, her email (you do have her passwords right?)?
Have you worked on YOU? have you changed, are you in the marriage now, are you emotionally there for her? Your neglect led to her choice, it's NOT an excuse but at least you know the why. Has this been addressed and is it improving?
Is she sorry, showing remorse, she should be unless she is still emotionally attached to the OM. I fear this may be the case, that's why she lost it when you threatend to contact the OM.
Also, she should have no problem answering them if she wants to work the marriage out.
However, this may be tough if she has checked out of the marriage. How long ago did she say the "didn't know if she wanted to spend the rest of her life with you?"
This could mean she is already gone, or she is still involved with the OM. Are you positive about NC? have you checked cell records, her email (you do have her passwords right?)?
Have you worked on YOU? have you changed, are you in the marriage now, are you emotionally there for her? Your neglect led to her choice, it's NOT an excuse but at least you know the why. Has this been addressed and is it improving?
Is she sorry, showing remorse, she should be unless she is still emotionally attached to the OM. I fear this may be the case, that's why she lost it when you threatend to contact the OM.
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Were you treating her badly, neglecting her? Giving her the silent treatment? If you were, you aren't a victim but more of a co-conspirator to whatever damaged your marriage. I really don't see a lot of difference between a woman sexting (if that's what she was doing) and actually having sex with some other guy. The major offense is committed in the mind. The only thing that might keep the genitals out of the equation is an opportunity. In any case, if both of you violated the terms of your marriage, there's no good guy and no bad guy, just two folks who both screwed up. What's the point in dwelling on her sins? Don't you have your own?
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