Her: 30, Me: 36. Married 3 years together 5.
A couple days ago I had a discussion with my wife. I told her that I do not want sex, regardless of who initiates, if it is only to please me. If we do it then it needs to happen because we are both interested in it. I went further and told her that on the occasions she seems to derive little pleasure from it, and it is only for my benefit, that it feels like a rejection to me. I do not want duty sex. I explained that I was not angry or upset. And that I appreciate the fact she does things to please me.
Should I have even brought this up and communicated with her directly about it? Or would a better approach have been to decline sex when I feel like she is doing it out of "duty" and not because she's in the mood? To not talk about it?
After reading so many threads here the last few days I wonder if I'm being hyper-sensitive about sending messages of insecurity to her. Specifically when I flat admitted to feeling rejected in these situations.
Example of duty sex:
Wife does not ever get into it during the morning. However on weekends if I wake up with wood and ask for it she typically obliges. But she never gets into it and pretty much just wants me to hurry up and get through it so we can get out of bed and get going.
A couple days ago I had a discussion with my wife. I told her that I do not want sex, regardless of who initiates, if it is only to please me. If we do it then it needs to happen because we are both interested in it. I went further and told her that on the occasions she seems to derive little pleasure from it, and it is only for my benefit, that it feels like a rejection to me. I do not want duty sex. I explained that I was not angry or upset. And that I appreciate the fact she does things to please me.
Should I have even brought this up and communicated with her directly about it? Or would a better approach have been to decline sex when I feel like she is doing it out of "duty" and not because she's in the mood? To not talk about it?
After reading so many threads here the last few days I wonder if I'm being hyper-sensitive about sending messages of insecurity to her. Specifically when I flat admitted to feeling rejected in these situations.
Example of duty sex:
Wife does not ever get into it during the morning. However on weekends if I wake up with wood and ask for it she typically obliges. But she never gets into it and pretty much just wants me to hurry up and get through it so we can get out of bed and get going.