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My wife and I have been married for 7 years, have 2 great kids (5 and 3.5) I left corporate America about a year ago when we had issues with daycare. I have since become a stay at home dad and operate an in-home daycare where I care for 8 kids in total.

Our sex life is TERRIBLE! Has been for years (long before I left my job) I will try to be objective in all of my statements. I am a mans man; like to cut wood, hunt, yard work, build things, shovel snow(live in MN) you name it, I have probably done it. In addition to all of that, I do 90% of the cleaning, 100% of the laundry, 75% of the cooking, and 90% of the child raising (do daycare, and do majority of evening things with them) I'm no model, but I do take care of myself with working out, playing sports, and am above average looking. I always make it a point to tell her she is beautiful, that I love her, and just grab her and kiss her at random moments

My wife has ZERO interest in sex! She goes to work (10 hr days), eats supper, helps put the kids to bed, goes to sleep. REPEAT. She has a day off each week due to the 10 hr days, and she still goes to bed early the night before her day off because she is tired, sleeps in, and goes to bed early the next night because she has to be up early the next day. I put in about 55 hrs each week with just daycare, so its not like I'm slouching in that dept.

When most guys have issues with their wives not being "open for business" the solution everyone has is that they need to help her out around the house more so they won't be stressed. She already doesn't do any of that stuff. When we do have sex, she looks like she would rather be banging her head against the wall. She acts as if she is doing me a favor by having sex with me. I'm not a selfish lover, I always make her orgasm before me, very generous with me performing oral sex (she despises giving). All I hear from her is that she likes sex when we have it, but doesn't want to have it. She doesn't think its that important (her words)

I am about ready to pull my hair out. I don't want to cheat on her, but I'm going out of my mind. Suggestions?
 

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Four things come to mind that you should do (a,b) or think (c,d)about

a. read this: Married Man's Sex Life primer by Atol. up your sex rank
b. start talking about what turns her on. maybe you are missing something small, like the way you touch her
c. stop doing too much... you are doing way more than your share. less is more here, I bet
d. turn down the emotional thermostat a little and see if she responds
 

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:iagree:

Let's face it... you aren't working outside the house and do all the "woman's work" (OK, you all can bash me but you know what I mean :) ) so while physically you may be attractive, the overall image isn't.
 

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Sexism is a little strong in here... if that logic was solid shouldn't he not find his wife attractive since she is doing 'man's work'? I work a standard desk job and have no children, but I refuse to beleive that his problem is the fact that he is a great father.
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Have your wife take care of the kids and find a real job. A stay at home dad is a minus 10 sex rank.
Yet many SAHW feel that sex is a chore and have no obligation other than to meet an occasional need for sex by their husband. Or get "bored" and spend more and more time on FaceBook and think the grass is greener somewhere else.

Honestly, many women need to take a hard look at themselves about what WILL make them happy as it often isn't clearly understood. And no husband or man will make them happy, they have to find that within themselves.


That said, many men need to take a hard look at themselves and ensure they truly are an IM and aren't a Mr. Nice Guy with covert contracts and blame shifting.
 

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Sexism is a little strong in here... if that logic was solid shouldn't he not find his wife attractive since she is doing 'man's work'? I work a standard desk job and have no children, but I refuse to beleive that his problem is the fact that he is a great father.
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its not that simplistic...
 

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I know two couples very well where the husband stays home and the arrangement works well for them. AND from all indications there are no problems with the relationship..both seem to be very happy couples. These women do not want to stay home with the children..and the fathers do an awesome job.

I know it's not going to happen overnight, but we need to change our opinion on men staying home with the children...it's no less unfair then it is to bash a woman if she chooses to have a career and not be the primary caregiver.
 

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People may not like it, but sorry, men and women are different. That's not sexism, it's biology. Right or wrong, subconsciously men are judged by both men and women on their ability to provide. 40 years of feminism cannot wipe out a million years of evolution. We've evolved, but not as much as some would like to pretend that we have. Anytime a man takes on the traditionally feminine role within the household, attraction will drop. This happens at a subconscious biological level. Attraction is not something you can control.

Here's a little exercise for the men: go to a bar and chat up 10 women. For the first 5, tell them that your dream in life is to open your own business that makes enough to support a family and leaves a lot of time for great vacations and raising kids. Then tell the other 5 that your dream in life is to find a woman who will work hard and support you while you stay home and take care of the house and kids. Even the most evolved woman will find the second scenario less attractive. Some women are highly ambitious and convince the man that they're already with to go down this road so that they can advance in their own careers....but it's a trap. Nothing good can come of it.
 

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Things to consider. As long as you're the homemaker you are not sexy. If your able to work outside the home then do it. Why in the world do you do all the house work and the childcare? This is a shared responsibility and if a women came on here and said the same thing she would be told to insist that her husband help out regardless of his work hours. You should do the same. You've made it too easy for your wife. She has lost respect for you. Are you planning to run a childcare center until you retire? What's your end game plan? Do you realize that your setting yourself up for a life of being dependent on a wife that doesn't want to make an effort in your marriage?
 

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You are mistaking me for a "stay at home" parent. I do stay home, but in addition to watching my own children, I watch 6 others plus 2 school age children. Those of you who have children, know how expensive child care is. I make 50k a year so don't give me the "get a different job" bs. I also said that before I did daycare, I had a very good job in bank management with the same issues with regards to sex.

One issue that I didn't share before are daycare moms. Like I said, I have been doing daycare for less than a year. I have been approached by 3 different daycare moms about having some fun on the side. I know if this situation was swapped and a woman provider was approached by daycare dads it would be perceived much differently. It just solidifies my position that Im not dead when it comes being noticed by the opposite sex. I can't see myself cheating on my wife. I'm not looking for support. I want to fix what I have. I know I can get it elsewhere, but I want it from the woman I married
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Yeah it's sad how wives view us SAHD. Got in an argument with my wife the other day. She says her 50% of the marriage is working 8-5:30. Then proceeds to tell me after that she is done. Goes on to say my 50% is not done till kids are in bed at 9:00. And that's supposed to equal out for me not bringing home paycheck. I told her go give our daughter a bath and read her a book then put her to bed in a very direct way. She stomps out of our room and does it.
It's so sad that I let it get this way, I'm sure she will try and withhold sex to try and prove her point but I won't let it bother me.


Guys, he said the sexless marriage has been this way even when he was working. So going out and getting a job is not the fix. You need to up your sex rank. Is your wife in great shape. On a scale of 1-10 what are you and what is she?


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Here's a little exercise for the men: go to a bar and chat up 10 women. For the first 5, tell them that your dream in life is to open your own business that makes enough to support a family and leaves a lot of time for great vacations and raising kids. Then tell the other 5 that your dream in life is to find a woman who will work hard and support you while you stay home and take care of the house and kids. Even the most evolved woman will find the second scenario less attractive. Some women are highly ambitious and convince the man that they're already with to go down this road so that they can advance in their own careers....but it's a trap. Nothing good can come of it.
And if you did the same experiment with a woman, you think men would find the stay at home version more appealing than the one who wants to go vacationing and make a lot of money?

Everyone would find option 2 less appealing.
 

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Here's a little exercise for the men: go to a bar and chat up 10 women. For the first 5, tell them that your dream in life is to open your own business that makes enough to support a family and leaves a lot of time for great vacations and raising kids. Then tell the other 5 that your dream in life is to find a woman who will work hard and support you while you stay home and take care of the house and kids.
hmm, let's see..."great vacations..." or "work hard and support you" :scratchhead: your choice in wording is a little unfair.;) How about a third option "my dream in life is to find a woman who I can work together with to make a good life for ourselves and our children. If the woman I choose to spend my life with is highly motivated and successful, and taking time off to raise the children would put an end to her career dreams, I would be willing to take the role of primary caregiver to our children so she can fulfill her ambitions".

I'm not saying it is for everyone..it's not the way my relationship is or even how I'd WANT it to be. I just think it's unfair to generalize. There are loads of sexually frustrated people here and I think it's safe to say that in all but a few the husband works outside of the home.
 

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My husband is a Stay at Home Dad with our 4 month old son. He was forced to retire this past year (he's 45 yo) and it works for our family.

When I see him holding our son or playing with him, I honestly get extremely turned on and want to take him RIGHT THEN.

That said, he doesn't behave like a wimpy type of guy. He's tatted up, in good shape and has no problem standing up to me if I'm acting like a *****.

To maintain his own identity, he takes a couple of afternoons a week to go hang out in his shop (aka mancave) and to go to the gym. He also still takes time to go to LA to visit friends, go for a ride on his motorcycle and even went to Vegas for a few days with his friends.

I'd start pulling back a bit. Stop asking for sex because it starts to come across as begging.

The advice I would give you is to focus on you, buy some nice new clothes, take extra attention with your appearance. Focus on eating right, going to the gym a bit more. Your wife WILL become intrigued even a little jealous about why you're working so hard to look better.

Stop doing ALL the housework. You work, she works. Split the duties so you're less her '*****' and more her partner.
 

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And if you did the same experiment with a woman, you think men would find the stay at home version more appealing than the one who wants to go vacationing and make a lot of money?

Everyone would find option 2 less appealing.
I think, of the 5 women at least 4 would find the prospect of a future stay at home husband a turn off. If the tables were turned, perhaps 2 or 3 men would find the prospect of a stay at home wife a turn on. Me personally, I've ALWAYS preferred the idea of having a wife who stayed at home to take care of the house and kids. In fact, when my wife wanted to start working a couple years ago it led to many fights and I was pretty convinced that it would lead us to divorce. I've never been turned on by the thought of a working wife. And I know I'm not alone....there are many guys out there like me. I'm definitely less attracted to my wife because of her work. Just being honest.
 

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I think, of the 5 women at least 4 would find the prospect of a future stay at home husband a turn off. If the tables were turned, perhaps 2 or 3 men would find the prospect of a stay at home wife a turn on. Me personally, I've ALWAYS preferred the idea of having a wife who stayed at home to take care of the house and kids. In fact, when my wife wanted to start working a couple years ago it led to many fights and I was pretty convinced that it would lead us to divorce. I've never been turned on by the thought of a working wife. And I know I'm not alone....there are many guys out there like me. I'm definitely less attracted to my wife because of her work. Just being honest.
My husband is like you. I work part time mostly bc i spent so much time in school for this job it would be dumb to throw my degrees away.
 
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