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Those of you who know my story, tomorrow I am taking the kids to see their mom. Also be the first time I see my STBXW since she got served. I am not looking forward to the emotional hurricane that will be coming from the kids. Wish me luck
 

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Those of you who know my story, tomorrow I am taking the kids to see their mom. Also be the first time I see my STBXW since she got served. I am not looking forward to the emotional hurricane that will be coming from the kids. Wish me luck
In jail, or is she not in yet?
 

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Take someone with you the first time and let them help you by taking up the kids to her until you feel comfortable, please please please take a hottie, let her drop off the kids. Then it will be a nice setting for future engagements.

Tilted
 

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Then if she gets excited and goes off, they will cut the visit really short.
 

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Hello Numb, how did it go?
 

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About how you would have expected. Kids happy to see their Mom, then crying all the way home. STBXW trying to talk to me about what happened and me making her focus on the kids because that's the only reason I went. Then me doing some drinking when I got home. LOL
For what it's worth, it does get better. My kids used to cry the whole way home from visiting their mom, or fight and try to kill each other. I don't know when that stopped but somewhere along the way, after many months, it did stop.
 

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For some reason the image in my mind of your kids crying all the way back home touched a nerve on me, and made my eyes watery.

I'm so sorry for you and your kids. I cannot fully comprehend your pain; although, cognitively I know what it must be. Eventually, everything will solve itself; it's just a matter of time. Wishing the best to you and your kids.
 

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About how you would have expected. Kids happy to see their Mom, then crying all the way home. STBXW trying to talk to me about what happened and me making her focus on the kids because that's the only reason I went. Then me doing some drinking when I got home. LOL
For what it's worth, it does get better. My kids used to cry the whole way home from visiting their mom, or fight and try to kill each other. I don't know when that stopped but somewhere along the way, after many months, it did stop.
I am hoping the therapist that the kids have now can help shorten that period.
 

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For some reason the image in my mind of your kids crying all the way back home touched a nerve on me, and made my eyes watery.

I'm so sorry for you and your kids. I cannot fully comprehend your pain; although, cognitively I know what it must be. Eventually, everything will solve itself; it's just a matter of time. Wishing the best to you and your kids.
Thank you so much
 

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I am hoping the therapist that the kids have now can help shorten that period.
Having the therapist should help. My kids had (have) therapists but it still took quite a while to get better, but there was a lot going on. I think the frequency of visits is a factor as well. My kids went for visits about once a month. If they were going more often the crying and acting out may have stopped sooner. A big break in between visits was hard for them.

Something that I found helpful was having time with the kids, after each visit, to decompress. Go to a park, go for a walk, go to a movie, etc. It was good for everyone.
 

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I am hoping the therapist that the kids have now can help shorten that period.
Having the therapist should help. My kids had (have) therapists but it still took quite a while to get better, but there was a lot going on. I think the frequency of visits is a factor as well. My kids went for visits about once a month. If they were going more often the crying and acting out may have stopped sooner. A big break in between visits was hard for them.

Something that I found helpful was having time with the kids, after each visit, to decompress. Go to a park, go for a walk, go to a movie, etc. It was good for everyone.
The therapist had previously suggested that so I took off rest of this week so I could be here for the kids
 

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I'm so sorry man. I remember being that kid, and I can't imagine how hard that was on my mom.

It got better, though. And I don't blame my mom for any of it; I'm thankful she got me out of a **** show situation with my bio dad.
 

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I remember visiting my Mom when she was hospitalized for almost a year. It was a horrible time in my childhood. Having her back and then ripped away again after the visit was pure torture. There is no other way to describe it.

It might help to give the kids some tasks that make them feel closer to her...color a picture, write her a story, etc. Something that their Mom really "needs" so they really want to do it to make her life better. Despite what she's done they miss her greatly and love her a lot. They need to feel like she also needs them and is not forgetting them in between the visits.

You're a good Dad to bring them. You've been really strong for them. I hope you enjoyed that drink...you deserved it!!!
 

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Discussion Starter #17
I remember visiting my Mom when she was hospitalized for almost a year. It was a horrible time in my childhood. Having her back and then ripped away again after the visit was pure torture. There is no other way to describe it.

It might help to give the kids some tasks that make them feel closer to her...color a picture, write her a story, etc. Something that their Mom really "needs" so they really want to do it to make her life better. Despite what she's done they miss her greatly and love her a lot. They need to feel like she also needs them and is not forgetting them in between the visits.

You're a good Dad to bring them. You've been really strong for them. I hope you enjoyed that drink...you deserved it!!!
That's the most important thing I think, no matter what happened between her and I and no matter that she is where she is she is still their mother. I have never and will never bad mouth her to them. The STBXW will have to come to terms with what she did and one day have to explain it to our kids. It is not for me to do.
What makes it worse is that she was a great mother to them.
 

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What makes it worse is that she was a great mother to them.
That's the friggin problem, l truly feel for you Numb. But you and your children deserve a real woman, ( not a memory of one that doesn't exist anymore) and you will find one but understand this there is nothing I mean nothing your STBWXW can ever do to undo her ****ups, this is karma in real time. And they all cry croc tears when they are locked up, but it will be a different story once she faces the penalty for her crime.

Then she will use herself and the kids to get back at you, this ****show hasn't even started yet. Protect yourself and don't even go there thinking you can be her K.I.S.S. As much as you want too, don't cave. Don't think those things she did we're things you can forgive and forget.

She will throw herself at your feet possibly, just to manipulate your heart.
 

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I agree, it was a good reason to have a drink. Matter of fact, I'm having one for you right now.
Cheers and here's to your hopefully swift divorce.
 
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