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Expose expose expose, and let him own it. Is the only real solution.
 

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It's ok your stressed, but just take the letter to the head pastor and then it is off of you and on to him, if he's true he will address this.
 

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Discussion Starter #44
It's ok your stressed, but just take the letter to the head pastor and then it is off of you and on to him, if he's true he will address this.
When I informed her husband he asked me to not contact her, him or anyone else regarding this matter. That is one of the main reasons I decided not to go ahead with it. I am going to think on this one. As much as I want her to face the consequences this just seems too much.
 

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Discussion Starter #45
It's ok your stressed, but just take the letter to the head pastor and then it is off of you and on to him, if he's true he will address this.
When I informed her husband he asked me to not contact her, him or anyone else regarding this matter. That is one of the main reasons I decided not to go ahead with it. I am going to think on this one. As much as I want her to face the consequences this just seems too much.
Plus, I’d be doing it for revenge, let’s be honest, I feel that’s with ill intentions and makes me feel petty. I am not religious and after being duped by her facade I’ll never trust that again! She uses it as a smokescreen to be a shady person.
 

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No it's not revenge, but the other H trying to rugsweep his marriage, don't make the same mistake. Just because the other H doesn't want it exposed you will never get clousure if you don't do.
 

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Petty is not what you have endured here, you may not want to do this but it's the right thing to do. Even if you reconcile he still has alot of work ahead of him(your husband) to make him accountable for this. Once exposed it will show you what type of man you have and if you can ever trust him again. Your making is sound like you are holding her responsible for everything that went on between them sorry he was the main player in this.
 

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Discussion Starter #48
Petty is not what you have endured here, you may not want to do this but it's the right thing to do. Even if you reconcile he still has alot of work ahead of him(your husband) to make him accountable for this. Once exposed it will show you what type of man you have and if you can ever trust him again. Your making is sound like you are holding her responsible for everything that went on between them sorry he was the main player in this.
Oh, I know he was more than a willing participant. I am not a fool!!! She made the offer and he accepted without hesitation!!! I know he dangled things before the offer too, I am not that naive.
He has told several of his close colleagues because he does plan to leave and he’s a key component to their department so he doesn’t want to leave them in a bind to find a replacement. Plus he likes his coworkers (some a little too much 🙄) . He has a possible offer starting in April/May so his plan is to tell the entire department before he leaves.
 

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Discussion Starter #49
No it's not revenge, but the other H trying to rugsweep his marriage, don't make the same mistake. Just because the other H doesn't want it exposed you will never get clousure if you don't do.
But I am trying to justify how it’s my place as a nonbeliever to inform her church. See my dilemma? That’s why rather than an act of religious intention it feels like callused revenge. Hit em where it hurts kind of stuff.
 

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No it's not revenge, but the other H trying to rugsweep his marriage, don't make the same mistake. Just because the other H doesn't want it exposed you will never get clousure if you don't do.
You do not know what the husband is doing or what he wants. Her closure is what her husband does and doesn’t do, not what the other spouse does. She did her job, worrying if the the other husband did anything is not her concern.

She exposed to the husband, it is his job to expose to their church.
 

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But I am trying to justify how it’s my place as a nonbeliever to inform her church. See my dilemma? That’s why rather than an act of religious intention it feels like callused revenge. Hit em where it hurts kind of stuff.
It's your place because you were cheated on, and with that have earned the right to expose it matters none if it a church or not. Your even entitled to inform his employment if you so choose. These are the consequences of actions he your H as earne.
 

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You do not know what the husband is doing or what he wants. Her closure is what her husband does and doesn’t do, not what the other spouse does. She did her job, worrying if the the other husband did anything is not her concern.

She exposed to the husband, it is his job to expose to their church.
agree l do not know what the other husband is doing, but it matters none l am saying to Manic do not let the other H dictate what Manic should do. But it isn't the the other husband to inform the church Manic has every right to inform the church weather the other betrayed spouse does it or not.
 

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Discussion Starter #53
You do not know what the husband is doing or what he wants. Her closure is what her husband does and doesn’t do, not what the other spouse does. She did her job, worrying if the the other husband did anything is not her concern.

She exposed to the husband, it is his job to expose to their church.
agree l do not know what the other husband is doing, but it matters none l am saying to Manic do not let the other H dictate what Manic should do. But it isn't the the other husband to inform the church Manic has every right to inform the church weather the other betrayed spouse does it or not.
To be honest I sent h a letter via regular mail. He is not on social media etc. The email “he” responded to me from was her work email. I honestly sent the letter in hopes he’d make her leave the company. She’s the breadwinner though and carries the families insurance. So......
I mean the reason she got involved with my husband is her husband was no longer interested in sex with her and she was looking for some “attention”.
 

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To be honest I sent h a letter via regular mail. He is not on social media etc. The email “he” responded to me from was her work email. I honestly sent the letter in hopes he’d make her leave the company. She’s the breadwinner though and carries the families insurance. So......
I mean the reason she got involved with my husband is her husband was no longer interested in sex with her and she was looking for some “attention”.
You exposed it, why and the reasoning behind it doesn’t matter. Many refuse to do this and let their partner off the hook.
Interesting, who told you the reasons?

The husband?
Your husband?
The texts?


What you wrote sounds like cheater lies.
 

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agree l do not know what the other husband is doing, but it matters none l am saying to Manic do not let the other H dictate what Manic should do. But it isn't the the other husband to inform the church Manic has every right to inform the church weather the other betrayed spouse does it or not.
It matters a ton.
The Husband has the same rights you just gave her. He has every right to tell her not to contact him, his wife and even the church. It is his place of worship so, it is his job. For all any of us know he told her to stop because HE wanted to contact the church.

Now, she doesn’t have to listen, but you are creating an argument where there is none. You said “rugsweep” and never have “closure” my whole point is you have no idea what has been done or how she will find peace


She feels it is vindictive revenge and petty. I agree with her.

If she was part of the church, I’d have a different take.

We disagree and now the goalposts are moving. So, I am not not going to further derail her thread on this subject.
 

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Discussion Starter #56
To be honest I sent h a letter via regular mail. He is not on social media etc. The email “he” responded to me from was her work email. I honestly sent the letter in hopes he’d make her leave the company. She’s the breadwinner though and carries the families insurance. So......
I mean the reason she got involved with my husband is her husband was no longer interested in sex with her and she was looking for some “attention”.[/quote]You exposed it, why and the reasoning behind it doesn’t matter. Many refuse to do this and let their partner off the hook.
Interesting, who told you the reasons?

The husband?
Your husband?
The texts?


What you wrote sounds like cheater lies.

I am bit confused but here’s the answer I think you’re looking for, how I know her husband wasn’t interested sexually. My husband told me, I saw it in text exchanges between them and she told a friend about it and a real active of that Friend relayed the info to me. My guess is he was cheating to and couldn’t care less.
 

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Discussion Starter #57
To be honest I sent h a letter via regular mail. He is not on social media etc. The email “he” responded to me from was her work email. I honestly sent the letter in hopes he’d make her leave the company. She’s the breadwinner though and carries the families insurance. So......
I mean the reason she got involved with my husband is her husband was no longer interested in sex with her and she was looking for some “attention”.
You exposed it, why and the reasoning behind it doesn’t matter. Many refuse to do this and let their partner off the hook.
Interesting, who told you the reasons?

The husband?
Your husband?
The texts?


What you wrote sounds like cheater lies.

I am bit confused but here’s the answer I think you’re looking for, how I know her husband wasn’t interested sexually. My husband told me, I saw it in text exchanges between them and she told a friend about it and a real active of that Friend relayed the info to me. My guess is he was cheating to and couldn’t care less.[/QUOTE]

The reasoning for me exposing it was I’d want to know if it were him who’d found out first and I hoped he not want her to continue to work at the company any longer.
 

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I am bit confused but here’s the answer I think you’re looking for, how I know her husband wasn’t interested sexually. My husband told me, I saw it in text exchanges between them and she told a friend about it and a real active of that Friend relayed the info to me. My guess is he was cheating to and couldn’t care less.

The reasoning for me exposing it was I’d want to know if it were him who’d found out first and I hoped he not want her to continue to work at the company any longer.
So, the husband didn’t tell you and that is why I asked. A friend of a friend of the affair partner said no sex and some texts. It may be true, but one thing we see from both genders is the “no sex” comment."

You exposed for the right reasons.
 

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Discussion Starter #59
I am bit confused but here’s the answer I think you’re looking for, how I know her husband wasn’t interested sexually. My husband told me, I saw it in text exchanges between them and she told a friend about it and a real active of that Friend relayed the info to me. My guess is he was cheating to and couldn’t care less.

The reasoning for me exposing it was I’d want to know if it were him who’d found out first and I hoped he not want her to continue to work at the company any longer.
So, the husband didn’t tell you and that is why I asked. A friend of a friend of the affair partner said no sex and some texts. It may be true, but one thing we see from both genders is the “no sex” comment."

You exposed for the right reasons.
No sex between her and her spouse or my husband and her? My husband didn’t sleep in my bed so he and AP would be texting all evening and until late night. Whether he was home or not he’d be texting with her. Her spouse was also often not in bed. A few times she’d text that the bed was full but not often. None between her and her spouse reportedly from her. My husband said they, he and AP, never got physical but I am convinced it’s because she set that boundary. I told after a few weeks because to me if was all consuming not to. I kept feeling like I was keeping a bad secret and I felt so much better when I let it out. I told him tactfully and offered to speak with him if he wanted. On top of profusely apologizing.
 

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No sex between her and her spouse or my husband and her? My husband didn’t sleep in my bed so he and AP would be texting all evening and until late night. Whether he was home or not he’d be texting with her. Her spouse was also often not in bed. A few times she’d text that the bed was full but not often. None between her and her spouse reportedly from her. My husband said they, he and AP, never got physical but I am convinced it’s because she set that boundary. I told after a few weeks because to me if was all consuming not to. I kept feeling like I was keeping a bad secret and I felt so much better when I let it out. I told him tactfully and offered to speak with him if he wanted. On top of profusely apologizing.
The AP and her spouse.

No sex is a common refrain from cheaters as well as “it never got physical.”
 
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