Hi, I am quite confused at the moment and thought it will help to write things down and get some perspective on it, if at all possible.
I have been married 5 years and my husband was very charming, happy guy. I'm not sure at what point I saw the other side of him but it happened. He has a very explosive temper and I'm sure I didn't see this before we married. Everyone thinks he is really great guy, always happy and funny But for the past 3 years or so he has blown up a lot at me. He has called me [email protected]£$ a lot in the past, accused me of 'being very clever or very stupid' during arguments, is just generally in my face in rage and being a big guy this is very scary. He has not hit me but 2 years ago threatend to. For a while back it happened a lot in the car and my best plan was just to keep quiet until he calmed down. Sometimes I would cry and he would taunt me for that. Then he calms down as quickly as he explodes. I am confused because it actually calmed down a bit although it went on in a milder form and he can be quite hard on me. In saying that, his mum and nan were over on a visit as he is from a foreign country and strangely he was very rude to them and blew up at his 80 year old nan on two occasions. I was in denial for a long time but although there has been a bit more calm it has all caught up on me and this is why i am taking it seriously now. I am having anxiety attacks and don't want to tread on eggshells anymore. Ihave told him about my attacks but not the reason why they are happening. His first reaction was to shout and he said " well im not going to be an actor, I am not going to support you for something I don't believe in' He said he was a very good husband and is seeing all his dreams go one by one. Then he calmed down and he was supportive and then on a day I knew I needed to say I needed a quiet day while we were on a short break he only managed to to do for half a day (despite sending me a text before that he loves me and we can have a quiet day) then he got really agitated angry it was not fair on him etc etc. I ended up having to calm him down. Afterwards, he said he would try not to be so hard on me. He has had depression for sure and the only thing I cannot support anymore is the personal attacks. My health is suffering and this really scares me. He is in his home country on a visit just now and he thinks nothing is wrong. He wants to go ahead with IVF now but I'm thinking of divorce. I need the courage to tell him but I dread the shouting and defensiveness. I am sorry this was so long but I am waking up to the situation and just very confused as it has been a better year than last so why do I feel like this.
I have been married 5 years and my husband was very charming, happy guy. I'm not sure at what point I saw the other side of him but it happened. He has a very explosive temper and I'm sure I didn't see this before we married. Everyone thinks he is really great guy, always happy and funny But for the past 3 years or so he has blown up a lot at me. He has called me [email protected]£$ a lot in the past, accused me of 'being very clever or very stupid' during arguments, is just generally in my face in rage and being a big guy this is very scary. He has not hit me but 2 years ago threatend to. For a while back it happened a lot in the car and my best plan was just to keep quiet until he calmed down. Sometimes I would cry and he would taunt me for that. Then he calms down as quickly as he explodes. I am confused because it actually calmed down a bit although it went on in a milder form and he can be quite hard on me. In saying that, his mum and nan were over on a visit as he is from a foreign country and strangely he was very rude to them and blew up at his 80 year old nan on two occasions. I was in denial for a long time but although there has been a bit more calm it has all caught up on me and this is why i am taking it seriously now. I am having anxiety attacks and don't want to tread on eggshells anymore. Ihave told him about my attacks but not the reason why they are happening. His first reaction was to shout and he said " well im not going to be an actor, I am not going to support you for something I don't believe in' He said he was a very good husband and is seeing all his dreams go one by one. Then he calmed down and he was supportive and then on a day I knew I needed to say I needed a quiet day while we were on a short break he only managed to to do for half a day (despite sending me a text before that he loves me and we can have a quiet day) then he got really agitated angry it was not fair on him etc etc. I ended up having to calm him down. Afterwards, he said he would try not to be so hard on me. He has had depression for sure and the only thing I cannot support anymore is the personal attacks. My health is suffering and this really scares me. He is in his home country on a visit just now and he thinks nothing is wrong. He wants to go ahead with IVF now but I'm thinking of divorce. I need the courage to tell him but I dread the shouting and defensiveness. I am sorry this was so long but I am waking up to the situation and just very confused as it has been a better year than last so why do I feel like this.