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What the hell have I gotten myself into. I'm 31 been married for 2yrs to a man I barely knew and had two additional children, moved from my home to his with his mom and other family members, shifted my children's life, have no job, income, or any way of supporting myself and now my marriage is jacked. From early on there were signs that said that this guy is a little off. As I'm sure he might have said the same about me. I fell in-love with him immediately and knew God had sent me something special. I judged his character and determined that he'd be a good father to my two kids and a good provider and he is. He was already a good lover, passionate, and freaky just the way I like. Sexy, tall, built, funny, had my taste in music and television shows. We just fit like a hand in glove. I finally found the missing pieces of my life. I knew he had a temper or at least I was told. I knew that he was extremely emotional based on his over the top emotional crying spells. I knew he was a drinker hard body but I could deal. I could deal with it all. Plus dude was not cheater type. Always home rarely goes out. Inside info was given to me since we met through BFF which happens to be his God-sister. This man was gonna be alright in my book. Had a vehicle, job, managed his life, was a homebody, and loved himself some Kim. He was even in a non-communicative, unhealthy relationship once we started messin and that wasn't really really an issue until he tried to take his sweet time in ending it. But he did after the chick did something so disrespectful he ran to me realizing I'm the right woman for him. This all in a span of 4 weeks cuz we got married in exactly one month. Crazy as hell but gully, romantic, and practical on so many levels. Married, moved, and managed to get pregnant with twins in less than 6 months. I was setting myself up for a rocky road. But I know I can rock hard with stress and difficult times. Whateva life threw us we would make it through. I knew I was gonna love this man, and serve this man, and make love to this man, and take care of this man - give him everything he'd been missing. He hadn't learned what type of love that could come from Kim.

As happy times appeared they disappeared. This man turned into the type of person that really seemed to dislike me all together. Had the worst image of me. Everything is always my fault from the cable messed up to a few fruit flies in the kitchen. I believed he may have only been ok with my physic , my skills in the bedroom, my cooking, and my massages. Other than that I'm the one that makes him unhappy and stressed. When really I'm not that way. He doesn't come home to nonsense. We spend all of our time together and sex is never a problem. I do all the things he loved in bed, wore the outfits, video taped and all. I never ask for anything. I don't even drive and I don't force him to take me to hair app'ts, grocery or anything. I'll either walk or ask someone else to drive. I honor the fact that he's the breadwinner but I used to work and earn a heck of a lot more money than him but we agreed that I should stay home with the twins. Anyway we fight fight fight. Every week. He says something then I say something. We vacillate all night over crap. Then the fights take any ugly turn when I get frustrated with his lack of ability to comprehend what I'm saying. Like allowing me to talk for dumb long then provide a comment that has nothing to do with the monologue I just gave. So I interject or get animated and loud he reciprocates but it doesn't stop there. When I realize that the fight has taken an ugly turn I try to walk away. He tries to stop me by blocking the door, shoving me, or just plain follow me to the bathroom or something. Once I give up and come out I'll put my ipod on to block out his obscenities, yelling, and such then he starts to be violent. Don't need to give all the details cuz I'm sure all you people have heard it all. No he wasn't punching me but every other physically violent act that doesn't show scars but requires Ben Gay and Excedrin for two days he did it. Now it's so bad that the babies r now 14 months and he does it in from of them. The male twin doesn't like yelling and he now witnesses the full fledged fight. My eldest son is acting out in school claiming to be "gay" because that's the only way he'll be accepted - mind you - kids only 12. Good looking and funny but now needs to make up a some crazy behavior but that's a whole other story.

So to bring things into perspective. My H is a mean, rude, sarcastic jackoff that decided that his wife is such a so and so that he must treat me like the scum under his shoe. Taking things like the laptop to work so I wouldn't have anything to get online with or stupid stuff like that. Just mean kiddie crap that I just can't take anymore. But I've made such poor decisions in the past with my son bouncing him from house to house having him at 18 having numerous boyfriends "move in" making the boy feel like mom is something to compete for. My daughter never really knew her dad poor girl is 6 and believes my H is her real dad. Child just wants to be loved and he loves her so much and she loves him thinks the moon sets on him. He's perfect. He's patient with her and her 1,000 6 six old silly questions and need for crazy attention (middle child syndrome) and he gives it to her. MNL is attached to the twins like crack and feels like I'm the daughter she never had. Entire family thinks I'm the best thing ever so accommodating and witty. But I need to stop this vicious cycle. Where do I go? How do I go? Or do I even go at all? We're trying to buy a house. Family members have stepped up offering thousands of dollars for a down payment. Friends of family seeing us as the hopeful young couple who seem to be so in love. Always throwing parties meanwhile we kiss and hug and perform for them. We are just alike silly and upbeat life of the party. They see my H is a jerk and think he's got a good one cuz I mock him and pretend it's no big deal but it is and the cat is out. MNL knows and is peeved. Wants to have an intervention but what will become of me and my kids. I love this man but can't stand his crazy unpredictable behavior. I don't deserve it but at the same time he took on my two kids from two different daddies. Moved me out of my grandma's house (grandma was old and crazy and mean too),took me into in caring family and supports the six of us on less than $40,000. Help me make the right decision? Do I need God's grace or a back bone and like 500 bucks to high-tale it outta here?
 
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