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The thing is, it is UTTERLY unreasonable for her to work until 8pm every night when she doesn't have to. She's a boss. She can delegate. She chooses not to. She married a man who is weak and who will let her have her 'real' life, the adult life she never got to have cos she had kids young and couldn't afford it. Now that you come along, she's making all she can of it. And losing any respect for you in the meantime.

Right now, she's getting a HIGH out of her job. Her job is giving her the 'feel good' that YOU should be giving her. We all gravitate toward what feels good and avoid what feels bad.

So you have a lot of things to take care of. First, stop giving her all your money if she doesn't give you access to it. Set up an automatic deposit of a portion of it into a savings account for yourself that you can use at will. Tell her you are doing so, as she has withheld access to the money. Good first step in manning up.

Two, you will HAVE to have the 'talk' about you not being her nanny. Tell her you love her, but you didn't sign on to become her employee. If she wants to work 10-12 hours a day, she is going to have to start paying for a nanny, as you will no longer just sit at home every day while she lives the life of a single person.

Three, you need to do some reading because you have a serious case of beta male. Start with No More Mr Nice Guy, and after that read Married Man Sex Life Primer (not about sex). Tell us what you learn from them.

Four, she SHOULD be allowed to state her opinion of you without you disagreeing with her. Just like YOU should be allowed to tell HER what YOU think about HER. Work on this. I recommend a Talking Stick.

Five, by all means drag her to counseling however you can.
 
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