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My wife has dealt with it by declaring that she is no longer Catholic. I've been to a priest multiple times. As noted in a later post, you cannot always help those in need if they refuse the help.
You mean NEVER!
 

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Discussion Starter #42
Just a heads up...Here in my state if your spouse is diagnosed with a mental illness they cannot sign divorce papers.
The law is so bad in my state that a knowingly-false affidavit is sufficient to be granted a divorce. That is, the courts have held that the statute merely requires an affidavit, and so long as there is an affidavit, the courts will not inquire as to the veracity of the affidavit. I believe that this case law is contrary to explicit text of the statute (indeed the courts have rejected the text of the statute and have substituted what they believe to have been the true intent of the legislature), which, of course, erodes one's confidence in the state's judiciary and makes a mockery of civil marriage.

That being said, I don't care about civil law. It is only the sacramental marriage that is important, and the only one that matters.
 

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GTJ0, there ARE valid excuses for divorcing/anullment -- maybe you should talk with a Canon lawyer? Infidelity may be one of them (may show that she didn't enter into marriage with the proper committment for a valid marriage). Maybe getting a PI to follow her for a bit will give you the information you need --
 

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It has been almost eight years now since she was hospitalized, and has not had any acute breaks since then. What I see seems to be "disorganized thought," a characteristic that I understand is more associated with schizophrenia than with psychosis (but not being a medical professional I would not venture too far with speculation). I think the problem may be exacerbated because is literally surrounded by people (including clients) with radical political beliefs that are diametrically opposite of my more traditional views,
Woooaaaaa. You mention that YOU are Catholic not that WE (you and your wife) are Catholic. You mention YOUR traditional views. What are HER views?


and she may be getting confused over the differences (I remember several months ago she woke me in the middle of the night, all upset with the newly-installed president having fired many of the politically-appointed ambassadors who were carried over from the prior administration, and never before having had any interest at all in this subject matter).
Are you SURE she is CONFUSED by the views? Or by the lack of ability to explore them at home?

She's functional, so there's no need for hospitalization, but in my view she is periodically getting confused and disturbed. I fear that there may be others who may only be looking to get into her pants, and may be feeding the confusion. Family is giving the un-helpful refrain of supporting whatever she feels is right ("I will support whatever you decide.").
What else does support look like? She is not a child. I was on board with the holy cow mental illness advice. Now I am way less sure.
 

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My wife has dealt with it by declaring that she is no longer Catholic. I've been to a priest multiple times. As noted in a later post, you cannot always help those in need if they refuse the help.
Maybe she does not want help. However you manage your relationship with God, is there any problem with a civil divorce?
 

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OP: I am not unsympathetic to the place you find yourself in. I AM concerned about what HER perspective is here. I remember screaming, seeming quite out of my mind, when my DH persisted in thinking he needed to fix me back to my previous thinking on a topic where my thinking had changed. It must be very difficult when it comes to something core like your values and your religion, your very relationship with God and the part that marriage plays in that. BUT if she has flown that coop, she has flown that coop.
 

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If she wants to divorce you, crazy or not, you cannot stop her. This has not been a true marriage for many years, by your own statements. If you are worried about her, let her family know but you cannot force her to seek out help unless she is a true danger to herself or others. By this I mean, she is planning to kill herself or murder other people, that is what it takes to get people hospitalized these days. You also can't force her to take meds, even in the hospital people have the right to refuse meds. Let her go and if she wants to come back to you someday, she will.
 

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Discussion Starter #50
What are HER views?
At the time we were married, we had the same views. Since then she has claimed to reject her faith and is acting as an apostate.

is there any problem with a civil divorce?
While civil status is meaningless to me--it is the sacramental marriage that truly counts--in a larger societal context divorce is scandalous and detrimental to one's reputation.

BUT if she has flown that coop, she has flown that coop.
I am not entirely unsympathetic with that thought. However, after having postponed marriage for some many years so as to avoid entering into a hasty marriage without truly understanding what it means, and after having long discussions with my wife-to-be on these issues, and after receiving her assurances (and even with her having inscribed our wedding bands with the phrase "never abandoned" in response), I come to conclusion that there was either fraud in the inducement or a radical change underlying these recent acts, as if it were the devil that has invaded her. I don't think there was fraud, but rather, using your words, she has "flown that coop." But that's a spouse in need, not a spouse to abandon.
 

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At the time we were married, we had the same views. Since then she has claimed to reject her faith and is acting as an apostate.
How married are you? How husband are you being, if you don't hear HER?

While civil status is meaningless to me--it is the sacramental marriage that truly counts--in a larger societal context divorce is scandalous and detrimental to one's reputation.
I don't know what society you live in. But in the one I live in, putting on a face for society has been largely rejected.

I am not entirely unsympathetic with that thought. However, after having postponed marriage for some many years so as to avoid entering into a hasty marriage without truly understanding what it means, and after having long discussions with my wife-to-be on these issues, and after receiving her assurances (and even with her having inscribed our wedding bands with the phrase "never abandoned" in response), I come to conclusion that there was either fraud in the inducement or a radical change underlying these recent acts, as if it were the devil that has invaded her. I don't think there was fraud, but rather, using your words, she has "flown that coop." But that's a spouse in need, not a spouse to abandon.
Time moves on. What she thought then, she does not think now. What she felt then, she does not feel now. To believe otherwise is not to act as some knight in shining armor. It is to treat her like a child.

Devil schmevil. (Weird. Is schmevil a word? No spell check squiggle.)
 
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