Joined
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826 Posts
Not sure why I bothered...
This morning my H asked if I was OK. I did a quick mental dig for a good response (truthfull but not heavy, humorous) and replied no, I was "frustrated" with a raised eyebrow smile. We had not had sex since the weekend and I have a higher drive than my H, plus for various reasons I do not initiate any more.
He asked why-I knew he knew why but told him "sex." He told me he could help out later if I wanted, smiling.
Thinking about it, when we were talking a bit ago, I blurted out if he thought it might be hormonal why his drive has dropped. OK OK I know this was *not* the best approach but I genuinely considered it may be why we have had problems.
His reply told me:
it is normal after being together for years for sex to drop off. He quoted a remark I made not long after we started dating, where I said "the [frequency of] sex will not stay like this you know..." I said this completely light heartedly but he keeps using it against me.
he has talked to male friends and the lack of sex drive in guys is "more common than you think." He told me about a couple of guy friends, one who keeps refusing his W and doesn't know why he doesn't have any drive (yet frequently looks at porn) and one who has a date night once a week.
"of course" he finds other women attractive, what man doesn't. He doesn't think this has any bearing on anything.
The upshot is that I am left hanging again. I am so incredibly frustrated, not least going five days without any sex, but with hardly any physical affection from him, and no indication of any effort on his part to bridge the gap. It is him that has changed yet I am left effectively being told it is me that has the problem, and he is normal and fine.
I realize I am higher drive. I guess it comes down to the premise that not only is it a case of "I am like this so this is how we are going to be", but the fact that philosophy seems to permeate so many aspects of our life together.
I read so much on here about the HD/LD troubles. I do not even advocate that he should up his game to meet *my* drive. Just a happy meeting in the middle. Even if it were him offering a massage in the week, or to help me out, if you like.
And guess what? There is NO POINT in me talking to him about it. I will either get the above talk again, or I will get upset, he will promise the earth and it will happen for a week or two then stop.
There is no point in me refusing him when he asks. Or initiating. Or not initiating. Or doing absolutely nothing. I have tried it all and nothing, none of it has any effect. He could care less that I don't feel that I can initiate any more. We have this broken dynamic where he thinks *I* am the one with issues and he is fine.
I feel like throwing in the towel sometimes, I really do. My future sucks. I feel so unimportant.
This morning my H asked if I was OK. I did a quick mental dig for a good response (truthfull but not heavy, humorous) and replied no, I was "frustrated" with a raised eyebrow smile. We had not had sex since the weekend and I have a higher drive than my H, plus for various reasons I do not initiate any more.
He asked why-I knew he knew why but told him "sex." He told me he could help out later if I wanted, smiling.
Thinking about it, when we were talking a bit ago, I blurted out if he thought it might be hormonal why his drive has dropped. OK OK I know this was *not* the best approach but I genuinely considered it may be why we have had problems.
His reply told me:
it is normal after being together for years for sex to drop off. He quoted a remark I made not long after we started dating, where I said "the [frequency of] sex will not stay like this you know..." I said this completely light heartedly but he keeps using it against me.
he has talked to male friends and the lack of sex drive in guys is "more common than you think." He told me about a couple of guy friends, one who keeps refusing his W and doesn't know why he doesn't have any drive (yet frequently looks at porn) and one who has a date night once a week.
"of course" he finds other women attractive, what man doesn't. He doesn't think this has any bearing on anything.
The upshot is that I am left hanging again. I am so incredibly frustrated, not least going five days without any sex, but with hardly any physical affection from him, and no indication of any effort on his part to bridge the gap. It is him that has changed yet I am left effectively being told it is me that has the problem, and he is normal and fine.
I realize I am higher drive. I guess it comes down to the premise that not only is it a case of "I am like this so this is how we are going to be", but the fact that philosophy seems to permeate so many aspects of our life together.
I read so much on here about the HD/LD troubles. I do not even advocate that he should up his game to meet *my* drive. Just a happy meeting in the middle. Even if it were him offering a massage in the week, or to help me out, if you like.
And guess what? There is NO POINT in me talking to him about it. I will either get the above talk again, or I will get upset, he will promise the earth and it will happen for a week or two then stop.
There is no point in me refusing him when he asks. Or initiating. Or not initiating. Or doing absolutely nothing. I have tried it all and nothing, none of it has any effect. He could care less that I don't feel that I can initiate any more. We have this broken dynamic where he thinks *I* am the one with issues and he is fine.
I feel like throwing in the towel sometimes, I really do. My future sucks. I feel so unimportant.
