Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This is new for me, please be patient as I try to explain. My husband and I have been together for 4 1/2 years, 3 married. We have a 6 yr old from a previous relationship (mine). This is a second marriage for both of us. About 6 mths ago my husband had what I see as an EA, he didn't see it as such. I started suspecting something was going on because he was distance and always texting on his phone. I went through his phone over several days to see what was going on. What I did see had more of a sexual tone than emotional. I confronted him and he promise to stop all contact with an "old friend." He apologized a lot for what he did and said it didn't mean anything. For several weeks I would check phone records to see if the contact had stopped, which it did. Then it started again. This time I didn't see any of the messages. When I confronted him I told him I was not sure what I wanted or believed anymore. I didn't know if I wanted to stay. Once again he apologized and we started working on rebuilding my trust. I told him I would not go through this again. Recently I have discovered he has texted several different women on different occasions. Most messages I don't see because they are erased. I do know that a few explicit pictures have been exchanged both ways. From what I see contact only last a day or to then stops.

As for our relationship it was already strained from before. Lately I have felt a lot of distance between us. Our sex life is almost nonexistent and has been for a very longtime. My husband says the medications he is one inhibits his sex drive, which I know is a side effect. I am feeling as if we are two people that are living under the same roof. My heart and mind are conflicted and confused. I'm not sure if I want to fight to save us anymore. I don't want to put all the blame on him. I know stress from my job over the last 6 mths has not made me be the best person I could be. I'm just not sure what to do anymore..
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I think what has me so confused about what to do is that, he does so much for me. He has to be at work before me so he will make sure coffee is ready when I get up. He leaves me little notes everyday of how much he loves me and couldn't live without me. When I have had a long day of work he will take care of dinner and getting our daughter ready for bed. As far as I know nothing physical has ever happened. If something had happened I think I would have an easier time of letting go. I'm living in turmoil over what to do.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
79 Posts
It makes it hard when they live a double life doesn't it?

Break it down, he is considerate and loving to your face.

but on the flip side,

He is behaving like a single man behind your back.

He has excluded you from a part of his life. His private life is not the same as the life he has with you.

You tell him it hurts, and it's not acceptable. He continues to defy your wishes, and behave in a harmful way.

Now, what that says is, I will do what I want to do. I know you don't like it. And now that you snooped and know, I will smother you with niceities, but, I will continue.

I know how you feel. My husband is doing something similar. He does not care about the pain it causes me except the conflict it causes with what he wants to do.

He is crossing your boundries. Ignoring your pain, and only placating your agitation.

Look up rug sweeping.

His sexual issues are not caused by the meds. His libido is intact. You need counseling both IC and marraige.

He doesn't get it. We women are stimulated sexually primarily through emotions once the heat phase is gone. If they constantly hurt us, we don't feel sexual with them.

It's a viscous cycle.

Face this now, or end up with what I'm dealing with 28 years later.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
My self-esteem has been shattered, so I totally agree on the IC. The bad thing is even with insurance and money being extremely tight, I can't afford counseling. It use to be we couldn't keep are hands off each other and now we barely kiss. I have tried and tried to spice things up but nothing seems to work. I don't know what else to do.
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top