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Hi all. I have been married 13 years have 3 children together. We've had our ups and down like any couple but im struggling to cope now.

I have tried talking to the wife before about how i feel but she cant see that anything wrong and always turns things back on me. And then i feel guilty and end up for some reason apologizing.

I feel as tho im only here for the kids. I have thought about leaving a few times but i dont want to upset the kids.

I dont know what to do for the best.
 

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tried talking to the wife before about how i feel but she cant see that anything wrong
BTDT. What is your assessment of why your wife responds this way ? Mine, honestly, just doesn't give a carpenter's damn about my feelings. She is so wrapped up in her own drama that she doesn't even know I'm alive except when a paycheck is due. She acknowledges my existence for 10 minutes to ask me what day she can expect it.

Please feel free to tell it like it is. We have people here from all walks of life and both good and bad marriages. We can help.

You obviously have tender-age children. The impact of leaving will indeed "upset" them. However, what to do for the best is a different question, and a difficult decision.
You will get many different viewpoints here, and can evaluate them, take what you need from them, ignore the rest.
 

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Mine dont care. Only when she wants something. If i dont respond to her she goes in a sulk mood and then i end up for apologizing just to make peace.

Kids are 14. 11 and 9
 

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Its all one sided.she doesnt help me with anything including driving the kids to clubs and stuff as she said she doesnt like driving. But will drive her family wherever they want to go.
Just fed up of walking on eggshells and all the stupid little arguments about crap all the time. No matter what i do its never any good and if i dont do anything she had a go at me for that too.

She taking all my energy out of me and i dont know what to do for the best.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Seems that way.
She always shouts at the kids and then i have to step in and seperare the argument. ( its like having another kid in the house).



She does everything with her family. Including xmas dinner. Her family normally tag along on holidays. ( we only had one holiday with just us 5 in 13 years of marriage)

They cant even go shopping without asking each other to go
 

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She wont go to counselling as she cant see that anything is wrong. And turns everything back on me all the time.

Im dont want to upset the kids. I have thought about leaving but i dont want to upset them
 

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she cant see that anything is wrong.
Let me guess.... she never lived alone, she moved from her family's house to your house....

This usually means that the family-of-origin has taught her what "right" is..... and, since they have decided, long ago, that it is in their best interest to keep your wife a child, that's who you married..... you married a child.

Let me clue you in on something..... your wife will be starting to collect social security, and will not have changed one bit.

My advice is this. Get yourself a job which is 1000 miles away from her family. Your wife will refuse to move. She cannot be separated from her family. My bet is that she will give you the kids. Doesn't sound like she really wants them. She wants to BE the kid.
 

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Let me guess.... she never lived alone, she moved from her family's house to your house....

This usually means that the family-of-origin has taught her what "right" is..... and, since they have decided, long ago, that it is in their best interest to keep your wife a child, that's who you married..... you married a child.

Let me clue you in on something..... your wife will be starting to collect social security, and will not have changed one bit.

My advice is this. Get yourself a job which is 1000 miles away from her family. Your wife will refuse to move. She cannot be separated from her family. My bet is that she will give you the kids. Doesn't sound like she really wants them. She wants to BE the kid.
In Britain moving 100 miles for a job is considered to be 'going to the ends of the Earth.' ;)

@Jamesjones10123 has your wife ever had a diagnosis for any mental health disorder? Or something like Asperger's Syndrome?

Her thinking is disordered, I feel.
 

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Hi there,
Newbie here. I just looked for your posts to see what problems you are dealing with. All I can think of, if she doesn't want to do counseling, any chance you can gift her a book such as "How to have a new husband by Friday?" This sounds like it's all about fixing husbands (hence she may feel more likely to read it, not to mention it's written in a funny way), but in reality it's about wives learning how to understand and appreciate their husbands more. Sort of a give and get back way. I got the book and only now realized how husbands feel unappreciated nowadays. It has helped my marriage learning to cherish my hubby more, although we still have discussions and when they happen I feel like just wanting to leave, but then I take a walk, hubby apologizes and things feel better again and I am ready to start all over.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Hi there,
Newbie here. I just looked for your posts to see what problems you are dealing with. All I can think of, if she doesn't want to do counseling, any chance you can gift her a book such as "How to have a new husband by Friday?" This sounds like it's all about fixing husbands (hence she may feel more likely to read it, not to mention it's written in a funny way), but in reality it's about wives learning how to understand and appreciate their husbands more. Sort of a give and get back way. I got the book and only now realized how husbands feel unappreciated nowadays. It has helped my marriage learning to cherish my hubby more, although we still have discussions and when they happen I feel like just wanting to leave, but then I take a walk, hubby apologizes and things feel better again and I am ready to start all over.
If i bought that book my wife wouldnt see the funny side and more like to throw it back at me. And it would cause another argument.
 

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Hi all. I have been married 13 years have 3 children together. We've had our ups and down like any couple but im struggling to cope now.

I have tried talking to the wife before about how i feel but she cant see that anything wrong and always turns things back on me. And then i feel guilty and end up for some reason apologizing.

I feel as tho im only here for the kids. I have thought about leaving a few times but i dont want to upset the kids.

I dont know what to do for the best.
Feeling like a rough neck with a paycheck? Yeah, that does not play well for long. You need to lay the cards on the table. You did not sign up to be a roommate.

What are you doing to nurture the marriage?
 

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Discussion Starter #16
Feeling like a rough neck with a paycheck? Yeah, that does not play well for long. You need to lay the cards on the table. You did not sign up to be a roommate.

What are you doing to nurture the marriage?
Just taking each day as it comes ans trying not to get in her way then she cant have a go at me for anything.

I prefer to be by myself or with the kids anyway
 

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Just taking each day as it comes ans trying not to get in her way then she cant have a go at me for anything.
You are actually saying that you are doing your best to not piss her off? Really?

Why not get a divorce already? You are doing what lots of abused woman do. It is the same dynamic.

Brother you have to get out...
 

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Just taking each day as it comes ans trying not to get in her way then she cant have a go at me for anything.

I prefer to be by myself or with the kids anyway
Well sir, passive aggressive behavior is not the answer. Time to get a pair and sit your W down for a talk on what each other expects. Silence never fixed a damn thing other than maybe a headache.
 

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tell me...do you want to look back on another 13 years with the same behavior and wonder if you should something about then or do you want to sit down with her and tell he that you can no longer take her behavior and that you are nearing the end of this relationship, that you would rather co-parent then to stay in a relationship which is beating you down....clearly she is not happy so maybe she would be happy not married any more to you. the time for change is not hoping for her to have an epiphany, to wake up and finally smell the coffee, its more likely for you to draw the line in the sand and say no more, and if she crosses that to end things and readjust your life as co-parent.
 

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If i bought that book my wife wouldnt see the funny side and more like to throw it back at me. And it would cause another argument.
:( So sorry, it would have been nice if she was open for making improvements. I feel for you. I feel that way too when I tell my hubby to do counseling and he says a straight no each time and does little to improve the situation, or does it for a while and then we are back to square one.
 
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