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Is internet sexting and live web cam sex cheating if your married?

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I will try to make things short and simple. Basically I'm trying to figure out if I'm fighting a losing battle. I love my husband very much but he doesn't always make me feel like he loves me as much anymore. We have three children and the youngest is 12 months. I haven't lost all my baby weight yet mostly because I'm been really depressed. I'm NOT having the "baby blues". My husband says he has no sex drive at the moment, therefore our sex life doesn't exist. Then, I find out that the whole time he has been having online live webcam sex with many different women. Some he has dated in the past and some just random strangers he meets in chat rooms. He doesn't consider this cheating, just another version of porn. I totally disagree with him. Point to all this he makes me feel completely unattractive and that he's rather do the internet world than his own wife. We have had many discussions about this. I've threatened to leave him if he didn't stop, I did leave once, then he begged me back saying he wouldn't choose them over his family. Things were good for a couple months but he's started doing it again. Stays up all night drinking and and IMing all these women. I'm starting to think he'll never stop. Refuses to respect my opinion on things. Am I being too hard on him or is he in the wrong? I'm contemplating leaving again because I don't deserve to be treated like this. What's you guys thoughts on this? Am I wrong to think this is cheating?
 

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Yes it's cheating, no you're not being too hard on him, he is in the wrong, you don't deserve to be treated like this, no you're not wrong to think this is cheating. Did I get them all?

It's cheating as sure as I'm breathing. The question is what are you going to do about it? What consequences are you willing to lay out if he continues?

Have the two of you talked at all about what he's missing in the marriage that is send him outside of it to get some need met?
 

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I've tried to talk to him about it and he just says that he thinks things in our marriage are great. I on the other hand think that he's addicted to it because of 3 tours to Iraq. Maybe he can't stop... then that leaves me with the thoughts of should I be more supportive of his addiction and try to help him out? I don't know what the right thing to do is.
 

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My husband says he has no sex drive at the moment, therefore our sex life doesn't exist. Then, I find out that the whole time he has been having online live webcam sex with many different women. Some he has dated in the past and some just random strangers he meets in chat rooms. He doesn't consider this cheating, just another version of porn.

He is cheating on you.
My bet is if you stayed up all night sexting and chatting sexually and getting off to different men on the internet, especially ones you had past relationships with, he wouldn't think it was innocent either.

Put your foot down. Tell him what you will and won't tolerate it.

It IS cheating. The fact that he doesn't think so means you guys have a majorly FUNDAMENTAL difference.



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I've tried to talk to him about it and he just says that he thinks things in our marriage are great. I on the other hand think that he's addicted to it because of 3 tours to Iraq. Maybe he can't stop... then that leaves me with the thoughts of should I be more supportive of his addiction and try to help him out? I don't know what the right thing to do is.
Well the first thing you have to do is decide if you're willing to live with it or not. IMO not is the right answer, but that's a personal choice. Assuming yours is not also then you need to express to him that it really hurts you and that you can't live with it any longer. From there express that you will do anything and everything to help him stop but that stopping is not optional if he wants to stay married to you.

3 tours in Iraq? He's got to have lots of counseling resources available to him. I know guys - especially a lot of vets - don't like to avail themselves of those resources but if he loves you and can accept that he's hurting you maybe he'll be willing.

How can he believe everything is great in your marriage when he has no sex drive towards you and is getting himself off via virtual sex? That just isn't right and somewhere inside of him he knows it.
 

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it's not cheating if you've explicitly said you're okay with it, which clearly you're not

this isn't porn we're talking about here

he's denying you sex to have it with other women on teh internet, just because it isn't person to person contact doesn't make it okay


I recommend you read my welcome to CWI welcome newbie link and perhaps PM a mod to get this moved to the CWI section
 
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