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I can honestly say that after almost a decade together I am at a total loss for what to do anymore. We met when we were 17 and 16, moved in together when we went to college, and have been together since. We don't have any kids. We both love each other, but sometimes love just isn't enough. It seems like we have done nothing but grow apart every day. I have thought about divorce, but she is a good person, and I do still care about her. Both of us have issues with the other, and it appears as though we are almost polar opposites that happen to have made it work for a while. It just gets old fighting everything. I would imagine she is just as tired of hearing me complain as I am about having to gripe to her about everything. She hates sex, doesn't cook, barely helps out around the house, can't keep track of bills to help pay any of them, and has basically no ambition to improve our lives in any way. She's the type of person that is completely okay with the house looking like a bomb went off inside, constantly getting late fees on bills, and eating fast food all of the time. She had some of these issues when we got together, but they have escalated enormously over time. Don't take my words the wrong way; I don't think I'm perfect, and I know very well that her issues could be worse. We don't cheat on each other, as far as I know, and as I said, she is a good person with a good heart. But, for anyone who has dealt with these kinds of issues on a daily basis for such a long time, you will know what I mean when I say that it can take as much a toll on the relationship as a cheater or someone with a mean streak. I'm not even saying she is wrong to live that way. I'm sure there is a man out there who is just like her, and maybe they would be happy together living in poverty, with roaches climbing all over their belongings. That man is not me. I don't expect perfection, but having to choose to manage everything in our lives 100% of the time or living in that kind of environment is ridiculous. I hate having to manage the lives of two people with barely any help. If she would just do one thing right I would be okay with her being a good person who has some faults. If she would just cook well (or even try for that matter), be a clean person, or enjoy sex more. I don't know why you would give up a guy who doesn't cheat on you, doesn't hit you, doesn't ask for odd sexual favors, doesn't expect you to do everything (just meet me somewhere near halfway), and can provide a good stable life for you and possible children in the future. I've tried being sweet and affectionate, demanding, careless and numb, but nothing improves her outlook on our relationship. I just don't know what to do. I don't even look that bad. Are some women just like that? She suffers from depression, but won't take any steps to remedy the issue. She's like that with everything, just simply won't put forth any effort to correct problems. All she does is watch everything burn up, and then whine about how she can't do anything right. Why is it that some people cannot help themselves in any way whatsoever? Sorry for the long rant, but I very much need some advice. I feel like my will to live is seeping out of me. I'm so lost, confused, and frustrated. I don't know what to do.
 

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You said "SHE SUFFERS FROM DEPRESSION" thats why she is like that in my opinion. Perhaps before dealing with the cleaning you may want to deal with the depression...if you do, you may not even have to deal with the cleaning.

I have been in your wife's shoes for a short time, basically because of the mild depression but with my husband's help and support its just a bad dream.
 

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You've already answered your own question. She's depressed. And needs to get on medication now! Sometimes it's hard to get depressed people to get help because well, they're depressed.

Put your foot down. Make a Dr. appt. for her and drag her out to the car if you have to and drive her there and drag her into the Dr. if you have to.

Your situation will not improve (and neither will hers) until she gets medical help. I've been through exactly what you are going through. Once the Dr. finds the right medication for her, you will be amazed at how she turns around and how much happier you both will be.
 

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If she had health insurance I would be happy to, but she doesn't at her job and we don't have the extra income to put in to something so god-awful expensive. Any suggestions?
 

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What is so expensive? You can do some research online to present to her. Then a simple visit to a doctor to explain the situation. They will prescribe an AD and if you explain that you dont have insurance they most likely can give loads of samples. Or, if you can find a health clinic geared to lower income or no insurance that could be of help. Where theres a will theres a way. You will find it.
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If I knew it was actual depression I would have all the "will" in the world, but she's never been clinically diagnosed; we just assumed that's what it could be. If I can find anything we can afford I'll be happy to try. "What's so expensive?" One doctor's visit can be quite a lot, much less multiple visits it would likely require. I am not trying to be ungrateful for the opinion, but life is expensive, and there's a huge debate over medical expenses for a reason. In the end, I have very little will to do anything anymore. Even back when she did have insurance she wouldn't go see a therapist about her condition. And, as I said, it may not even really be depression. Her mother did absolutely everything for her growing up, even until she moved out. I think it has more to do with her expectations of what she is responsible for in the relationship than with any mental illness. She was raised to think that everything would be done for her. It's as if I'm married to a 12 year old. She can't even discuss monetary issues without getting some sullen, sour disposition. I simply don't know if the relationship is even worth it any longer. And, just deciding to end it like that because I don't know what to do seems pretty knee-jerk, over the top. This is exactly why people end up in these types of relationships for decades; they do not know what else to do. I almost wish we had never met sometimes. She's a good person, but that's about it. Not saying that is worthless, but it's not enough to be with someone for years upon years. As I said, if she even did one thing remotely well on top of being a good person I could look past almost everything else. But, she doesn't. And, it's not even the fact that she doesn't contribute that bugs me, it's that she doesn't care. She rarely even makes an attempt. It's the lack of effort that makes me want to throw in the towel; she doesn't even have to be very good at anything so long as she makes a good effort.
 

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Well, if its depression it could either be treated with medication or self help (which will not cost much) I did not take any medication, just made some changes to lifestyle. If self-help you part is very important.

If she has always been like this and that's her personality then I only see one way that is to have a real talk with her on how you feel and give her a chance to change........if she still wouldn't change then you need to look into other options that you have in mind.
 

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Me & My boyfriend have been together for around 8 years. We started dating at age 14. In between, I went through real low times & was depressed, so I wouldn't take interest in meeting him, we would fight over almost everything, I would get suspicious, would lazy around etc etc. But my bf stood by me, sometimes loving, sometimes fighting, sometimes threatening, but he got me out of it. And we're happy now. Everybody has a phase where they sink, but next phase will definitely make you rise.
Just support her.
Good luck :)
 

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If she had health insurance I would be happy to, but she doesn't at her job and we don't have the extra income to put in to something so god-awful expensive. Any suggestions?
How has she kept her job if she's so depressed? Clearly, she can function.

I'm not saying she's not depressed and doesn't need help. She might very well need some, and if so you need to help her.

However, if she can do her job enough to keep it, then she can do her job at home enough to keep you, helping you cook, clean, and everything else you're doing... Where does she work?
 
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