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Discussion Starter #21
OP, I get the impression that while your dog is probably a nice, loyal dog, she may be poorly behaved.

Could this be the case? Is there any chance Kimmy could get some training?

While I'd never ask a guy to give up his dog a poorly behaved dog would be problematic for me. Jumping on the counter and flipping a pot if food is poor behavior.

I just wanted to address that because while it does sound like this woman had other issues, a poorly behaved dog will not go over well with anyone. Sweet and loving doesn't mean well behaved.
 

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We had a nice dinner, and decided we needed some ice cream to finish the night. We ran to the store to get it. She (we) left the Chicken Curry in a pot on the stove-top. While we were gone, Kimmy jumped up on the counter, lifted the lid off the pot, and ate the remaining meal.
Geez Louise, that's not the dog's fault. And your remedy to the leftover ChickenCurry tragedy was completely reasonable. It feels like your lady friend was self-sabotaging the relationship.

In fact, I feel extra sorry for the dog, curry diarrhea can't be pleasant!
 

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Discussion Starter #23
Hi lifeistooshort;

I agree with what you're saying, and my dogs action that night was unacceptable for sure. But that was very unusual for her. She is normally very well behaved, and trained well. She'd never done that before. I can leave food on plates and she knows she can't touch them. I've left things on the counter and stove before, and she's never messed with them. She has a room to herself, and goes there when I tell her to. She has a doggy door and goes outside when she needs to. I can explain more, but I wanted to assure you that 90% of her actions are very good. Her only bad habit is barking at the UPS man when he comes. That night, she was possessed...or she just cant' stay away from Chicken Curry. Strange night. At the same time, my GF loved the fact that Kimmy was very protective of her. She wouldn't let anyone near her that was uninvited. My GF was a tiny woman, and I was proud of the fact that Kimmy would be a good guard dog for her when I traveled for business. Thanks for your thoughts and I agree with you.
 

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OP, I get the impression that while your dog is probably a nice, loyal dog, she may be poorly behaved.

Could this be the case? Is there any chance Kimmy could get some training?

While I'd never ask a guy to give up his dog a poorly behaved dog would be problematic for me. Jumping on the counter and flipping a pot if food is poor behavior.

I just wanted to address that because while it does sound like this woman had other issues, a poorly behaved dog will not go over well with anyone. Sweet and loving doesn't mean well behaved.
What gives you that impression?
 

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Geez Louise, that's not the dog's fault. And your remedy to the leftover ChickenCurry tragedy was completely reasonable. It feels like your lady friend was self-sabotaging the relationship.

In fact, I feel extra sorry for the dog, curry diarrhea can't be pleasant!
 

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Discussion Starter #27
No worries. My dog is not going anywhere. After 25 years with a wife at home, and three wonderful kids, after the divorce I was all alone. I bought a house for my last son, and he moved out. I sold my house I built and raised my kids in to downsize and take control of my time. I got Kimmy from a rescue shelter, and she's been my partner for the last 3 years. She was 2 when I got her, and she had been abused. It took me about 6 months to get her comfortable with me, and now she sleeps at my feel when I'm working. The value I have in her is not something I would ever give up for anyone. And anyone who asks me to do that is not someone for me.

My GF's anger issue has been described as a form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Her life has been hell, years of abuse, the death of her parents recently, and two dying siblings. She sees a therapist and that is his diagnosis. For a while, I felt needed because I knew how to calm her down, and I was rewarded in many ways when I did. She honestly needs a man who will bow down to her, sing her soft songs, and apologize when he sneezes. Not a man who drag races, restores cars, and forget's to say I love you every day. That's me. Just not a good match from the foundation.
 

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Hi lifeistooshort;

I agree with what you're saying, and my dogs action that night was unacceptable for sure. But that was very unusual for her. She is normally very well behaved, and trained well. She'd never done that before. I can leave food on plates and she knows she can't touch them. I've left things on the counter and stove before, and she's never messed with them. She has a room to herself, and goes there when I tell her to. She has a doggy door and goes outside when she needs to. I can explain more, but I wanted to assure you that 90% of her actions are very good. Her only bad habit is barking at the UPS man when he comes. That night, she was possessed...or she just cant' stay away from Chicken Curry. Strange night. At the same time, my GF loved the fact that Kimmy was very protective of her. She wouldn't let anyone near her that was uninvited. My GF was a tiny woman, and I was proud of the fact that Kimmy would be a good guard dog for her when I traveled for business. Thanks for your thoughts and I agree with you.
That's reasonable....I just thought it was worth considering.

My cats are nice but they act like jerks sometimes. Not as much as you'd expect from cats though.
 

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The average heart transplant recipient lives about 10 years on average. I'm 4 years in, and doing well so far. My question is kind of strange. Bear with me...

I was married for 25 years to a woman who was a wonderful mother to our kids, financially responsible with our money, and an overall decent woman. She never lied to me, and was extremely honest. My only complaint was she was not interested in any sex unless the lights were off, and in missionary position. I was willing to live with that, and would've died feeling I had a good marriage. My health struggles started in 2013, and ended up with the heart transplant in 2016. In and out of the hospital over that 3 year period, and living with an artificial heart pump until the transplant. To make a long story short, she started cheating on me when I was in the hospital. She had formed a relationship with a man at her gym, and they had been carrying on for about 3 years. The lies were showing up, and I was in Limbo for a year before I found out what was going on. When I found out, I felt relief and divorced her, 3 years ago. I don't regret that at all.

I didn't date much for a couple years, and finally found a woman I felt I could trust and love. She is half Vietnamese. A wonderful woman, very attractive, kind and supportive, honest, and anxious for a relationship. She likes the way I look and is very open sexually (which I've never had). She understood my health issues, and accepted that she would see me through to the end. Perfect for me, I thought. I was also perfect for her. She came from an abusive relationship, had no money or material things, and her mother passed away a couple years ago and she is very sad about that. I helped her with things she needed, and she was very appreciative. After about 8 months, I noticed some disturbing signs of jealousy, and her need to have everything in her life perfect. She began to get upset when I didn't wash my hands 10 times per day, didn't wear nice shirts to go grocery shopping, and she didn't care for my rescue dog I've had for years because she comes in from outside and I don't wash her feet. I can live with those things, and was ready to do that. But she gave me an ultimatum a month ago, and told me it was her or my dog. With everything adding up, I told her my dog wasn't going anywhere and she had to understand that. Then she left. I felt I did the right thing. There was no need for an ultimatum. She needed to love the man I am, and not the man she hoped I would become. She wasn't after my money, but I wasn't sure how she would treat it when my final days come. All the decisions in her life were made for her by an abusive husband. When she was angry, she became unreasonable. I honestly think she is bipolar. The most amazing, happy and fun woman one day, and the next she throws things and breaks them on the floor.

If I was in my 20's or 30's, I wouldn't be willing to put up with those things, but I'm 57 and and know I won't live to be an old man. But at my age and in my circumstances, I just need a partner and a lover. I've never been happier in my life than when I was with her. I may live another 20 years, I just don't know. I've never felt the love I feel, with any other woman, and can't stop thinking about her. Because of my failure in my marriage, I never knew if I would find a woman that I trust to be faithful, and could fall in love with again. She was who I hoped to find.

Most women aren't looking for a man who has my health issues, enjoys working in the garage, and has a hairy chest. I'll never be on the cover of GQ magazine. But she loved me anyways.

My question: Should I learn to deal with her issues like she is dealing with mine? Or do I walk away from a volatile relationship, and give up the wonderful things I love about her, and hope there's another woman out there who checks all those boxes?
Wow, your ex-wife could be my wife's twin sister as far as sex goes. LOL

For the good of your health, get rid of your volatile girlfriend.

Does all the good things about her make up for the possible grief you will have to suffer through?

Think about your health. Your heart issue could be negatively impacted by the turmoil. No?

JMHO.
 

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Your dog, your loyal, faithful dog, or your controlling woman?

I think you made the right decision. :)
Bloody oath he did! I wouldn't give up my beloved dogs for anyone, hell no!

I had a giggle at the curry incident - years ago, I'd made a delicious meal and my brother was over. He wanted seconds and I said to help himself, plenty still in the pan. He went over and said "It's not here, you sure you didn't put it away?" I knew I hadn't yet and went over and sure enough, nothing in the pan that was mysteriously sparkling clean. Look over to see a very contented German Shepherd licking his lips and nose 🤣
 

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At the end of the day, dogs are going to act like dogs. Food out and no one home is asking for trouble so that’s no surprise. And, yes, I would have found it very funny — as long as I didn’t have to clean it up.

i think she’ll be back because not everyone is going to put up with her control-freak nature (not about the dog but other stuff). Don’t let that happen.
 

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while sharing dog stavories: my golden retriever, when she was still young, ate 16 raw pork chops I was preparing for dinner. I had to go to answer the phone for few minutes, and when I came back only 4 chops were left, one for each human family member. So, she did think of us....
She does not do that anymore, I do not have to worry about leaving food out.
 

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Discussion Starter #34
Yes, my dog is normally well trained and well behaved. And I'm sorry but I thought it was funny when she left footprints in Chicken Curry on the counter and stove top. I purchased two little devices that activate when the beam is crossed, and shoots out a puff of air with a beep. $29 x 2, and now Kimmy won't even get close to the kitchen.

The trouble I'm having is to stop thinking of all the wonderful things my GF afforded me. She was the perfect partner in many ways, taking me to the hospital when I need her to. She rents a room from her Aunt, and loves staying at my house. She is smiley and bubbly almost every day, and the affection she shows is something I need really bad. She likes going to the races, and loves rides on my motorcycle. Her skin is like a teenagers, and she is really beautiful. She dresses nice, and smells wonderful. I doubt I will ever find those things in another. The other thing I like about her is her appreciation for me helping her in many ways. She struggles at her job, and is stressed by her boss, hates where she lives, and I help her stand up when she needs to. Maybe strange, but that's something I really like doing.

90% wonderful, and 10% disaster. The 10% are serous issues, and I agree that I shouldn't have to put up with it. But part of me feels I should compromise the 10% to get the 90%. No compromise on my dog, but other things. The ratios are amounts of time she is one way or the other. My dog will always be with me. No question. If she could get control of her instant anger issue, both Kimmy and I would have a very good partner.

Anybody out there that see's what I'm saying?

Waffling, I know. But just spilling out how I feel today.
 

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I see what you are saying. And realistically many women won't want to enter a relationship with a partner whose health is in such shape. Even if you are great right now anyone who knows about heart transplants knows it means lots of doctors and uncertainty. Normally I'd say you need to find someone compatible with your lifestyle that includes your dog. But you may need to approach this with what does she need and what do you need. There are ways to discuss needs and make changes that can benefit a relationship. I believe you could probably find some compromise with the dog. Like the dog isn't allowed in the kitchen.
 

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It is a tough one. You are getting a lot good tHings from her.
is there a way to have a really serious conversation with her? Would she admit that this is an issue? Tell her all the good things you love about her, and tell her how her outburst are affecting you? Is there a chance of her-understanding this and wanting to work on ut?
 

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There sometimes is a price to be paid for affection.

Sometimes, it is cold cash, sometimes it is bouts of madness and violent dejection.

The good in your case outweighs the bad in hers.

What have you to lose, certainly not your life?
Invite her back, set forth your conditions.
..................................................................................

I suspect it is not the dog that has her down, this, that has made her....done.
No.

She saw the futility in this relationship with you, and she acted badly to get you to madly 'reject her'.

As odd as that sounds, this odd may be the answer.

.................................................................................

She will likely turn you down. Down and dejected, with you not relying on her anymore.

Oh, she may have a new man, one in better condition.
These things happen.
Yes.

I wish the best for you.
You do deserve better, not that bitter sweet.
I will conjure this better tweet and send her, your way.

Gwendolyn-
 
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A friend of mine in the service was married to a girl from the Philippines. She definitely had a temper at times. Just a s sweet as she could be at others. I remember a time when he wasn’t supposed to go to the e club after work one day. He got back to his house around midnight and tried to go to sleep on the couch. Heard a noise and it was his wife over him with a butcher knife. He took off for the door leading to the garage and started threw it. That is when the butcher knife sunk into the door beside his head. He finished sleeping in his car that night. His daughters got him up the next morning and his wife had breakfast ready for him with a kiss on the cheek.
 

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It is a tough one. You are getting a lot good tHings from her.
is there a way to have a really serious conversation with her? Would she admit that this is an issue? Tell her all the good things you love about her, and tell her how her outburst are affecting you? Is there a chance of her-understanding this and wanting to work on ut?
^^^^^^This ..... WandaJ has a good point. Why not try round two but set your conditions. It’s at least worth a try. It’s OK that your waffling...... you have a lot to think about and your reevaluating a lot of things about life.
 

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Discussion Starter #40
Thank you for your replies. ABHale's reply struck me hard. I actually don't trust her in her anger. Very sweet one day, and off her rocker the next. She's broken things when she's upset, and truthfully my fear of it getting worse is there. She is begging to get back with me, and I feel bad that I'm not willing. If I could just have her as a girlfriend, to do fun things with, I would be happy. But she wants to move in and talk about marriage. I tried the long heartfelt communications with her, but she just starts crying and apologizing. I've set the boundries and she's agreed with them, but then it only lasts a few weeks. If I could trust her anger, get her to accept my dog (with some changes I would need to make), and get her to stop saying I'm hurting her emotionally (because I couldn't have been nicer throughout), I would really be serious about forming a strong lasting relationship with her. I'm not there, so I think I'll just have to turn her sweet requests down. I've offered to get her counseling or therapy to work out her troubled mind, but she refuses that, and doesn't think she needs it. I do. Thank you again for helping me think through this. It's a sad situation.
 
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