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Hi there gents!

I am new here - and I have a question.

I read a book recently that said that practically ALL men want more than one woman, and that even if they have a wife - they will fantasize about sex with another woman.

Please enlighten me.

What if one woman fulfills all his needs, and they have frequent and amazing sex?

D you still desire to be with all different women regardless?

Thanks in advance ;)
 

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Married 21 years. Together 22. First and only marriage.

Most years have been very good/great. During those years I literally do not think about other women. Sexually I only think about her and how hot/great she is.

We have had maybe 5 somewhat difficult years. Nothing serious like inifidelity, physical or emotional abuse. Just tension over the usual stupid things (not money) people fight about. During those 5 years I had my share of fantasies but never responded to women who flirted with/hit on me. And never made any effort to develop a relationship of any type with another woman. I think many guys are like me - maybe 40 percent to 60 percent.

BUT for some guys - me included - monogamy is contingent on W continuing to truly love me the way a wife is supposed to love her man. If she had either shut down our sex life, or tried to starve me sexually with very infrequent sex, we would have had a CTJ quickly. If not resolved quickly I would have insisted on my sexual freedom.

MOST guys, if you ask them really blunt questions, you can get a very good feeling for where they stand on this issue. I think there are some google resources that give you red flags for potential cheaters....


Hi there gents!

I am new here - and I have a question.

I read a book recently that said that practically ALL men want more than one woman, and that even if they have a wife - they will fantasize about sex with another woman.

Please enlighten me.

What if one woman fulfills all his needs, and they have frequent and amazing sex?

D you still desire to be with all different women regardless?

Thanks in advance ;)
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Thanks MEM11363

I'm glad you seem to have a very happy marriage :)

It makes sense though - if one woman fulfills all your needs, and actually IS your woman (rather than being a ball breaker like so many other women) and lets you be the man, then I guess you can set yourself up for a pretty good marriage! :)
 

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I don't know about all guys, but I know when my husband and I discussed the issue, it wasn't about how great sex was with me, he was interested in the variety of women and how it would naturally be different.
 

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I don't know about all guys, but I know when my husband and I discussed the issue, it wasn't about how great sex was with me, he was interested in the variety of women and how it would naturally be different.
Ok, so how do you deal with that? How do you feel about that? I'm not sure what women are supposed to do in this situation. Are they supposed to be ok with it?

Thanks

xx
 

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Honestly, I don't know what to do in the situation. I think it depends on the woman and what she's comfortable with and what she expects in the relationship and what has been experienced in that department.

It's hard because my husband is the only guy I've slept with and the same with me, although we've had other serious relationships with extreme making -out. And honestly, I've wondered about what it would be like to have sex with other guys.

I guess I just don't take it personally what he wants because I don't feel like it's because I'm not good enough (at least I hope it's not). I'm confident in who I am in bed and I'm always asking him what he likes and doesn't like. I think it is just a curiosity that comes of having the same woman for a long time (at least in our relationship). He did have an affair where they didn't have sex but there was some making-out involved and while it did bother me for awhile, I've gotten over it, mostly because I've come to realize that he is just interested in the variety of it all and still came home to me.
 

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lbell, that makes sense.

and yeah, I suppose regardless of the sex - it's possible for either a woman OR a man to want sex with different partners. I guess it depends on their own thoughts, values and belief systems as well.

:)
 

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FP,
Very happy marriage. She is my highest priority - I am hers.

She is a mild ball breaker which at times causes conflict - however she is smart and funny and fun and adventurous and has a sense of humor about herself.

From before we married we reached an understanding based on a very blunt conversation that went something like this.

Me: I have a high sex drive, and you are hot and lets be honest we have both made the effort to stay fit up until now. You are the only person I will be sleeping with from now til death do us part. I expect you to make the effort to stay fit for me as I will for you.
Her: I will make sure you are happy in bed - and I will stay fit for you - that is part of being a good wife. If you ever cheat on me I won't kill you, and worse I won't divorce you. But before I finish with you, for certain you will wish you were dead.
Me: Understood

That was 21+ years ago. She still has a husband who not only loves her, but is in love with her. By the way I have always tried to make sex fun for her as well - by what I do in the bedroom and outside the bedroom.

Despite her fairly extreme views of infidelity - she is not jealous or controlling. I have had chances to cheat on business trips 10,000 miles away - she never ever could have possibly known. Who cares. I would know. Thing is she deserves my commitment level.

That does NOT mean we haven't had some rough spots. We have. My drive is a higher than hers. It used to be a LOT higher. And I was demanding/had a giant sense of sexual entitlement the first 15 years of our marriage and we had sex most nights and I think that was tiresome for her. Just as wearing 100 percent of the financial stress in the house was tiresome to me. Marriage is - complicated....

In the last 5 years we made some compromises on frequency - and that has been good for our marriage. There have been no compromises on quality - when we have sex it is still by far the high point of my week and hopefully hers.

As for frequency - twice a week is our happy compromise. But on any given night I just have to say "baby I am dying for you" and she smiles and says "I am all over it". If I wanted to push the frequency up I could. But at twice a week she really WANTS me. More than that and over time I think she might lose some of the joy.



Thanks MEM11363

I'm glad you seem to have a very happy marriage :)

It makes sense though - if one woman fulfills all your needs, and actually IS your woman (rather than being a ball breaker like so many other women) and lets you be the man, then I guess you can set yourself up for a pretty good marriage! :)
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Mem,

you sound like you have an awesome wife. Luck you! These days it's not only hard to find a good man, it's hard to find a good woman!

Do you mind me asking how old you guys are? I'm in my 20s and wonder how much a woman's (or a man's) sex drive decreases with age, and when the decrease became noticeable.
 

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I have a great wife who wants to continuously try different things in bed. She's kept her figure (as I have mine) and generally never turns me down. Like others we have gone through rough spots (no infidelity, cheating, ea, etc) but we have gotten through it.

That being said, yes I could have sex with more then one woman and still love my wife. We even talked about it before marriage and soon after and she was honest with me and I was honest for her. In the end, we decided to be a totally monogamous couple and I will stand by my pledge for as long as I live.

Have I had opportunities to cheat? Yes. But honestly it never even got close because my love for her and knowing what it would do to her made me not even go there.

We guys are pre-programmed to propagate the species. I honestly believe that any guy who claims different is either not being honest with himself or others. But, we are not simple animals, we have reason, empathy, self-awareness, etc. We can override our instincts and follow a different path.

Just because we are inherently made to want many women is no excuse for cheating.
 

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I think the question is muddled.

But I agree with MEM. If you cultivate your marriage in a manner that leaves both partners satisfied, then we are fundamentally simple creatures. Meet our needs and we aren't going anywhere.

Do we fundamentally want multiple partners and seek out fantasies with other women? Nope. I don't buy it.

Even in the case of most fantasy, it is fleeting and harmless and never for a moment of actual consideration would most guys truly look to betray their spouse, if their needs are being met.
 

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FP,
We are both 47. As for sex drives, while they do tend to slowly decrease over time, if you have a partner you are really into, that makes a big difference.


Mem,

you sound like you have an awesome wife. Luck you! These days it's not only hard to find a good man, it's hard to find a good woman!

Do you mind me asking how old you guys are? I'm in my 20s and wonder how much a woman's (or a man's) sex drive decreases with age, and when the decrease became noticeable.
 

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Do we fundamentally want multiple partners and seek out fantasies with other women? Nope. I don't buy it.
Take a look at human history, it's only recently that marriage has become 1-1. Most of human history men had multiple wives. It's in our nature to want many women. But just because that's our nature does NOT excuse cheating for a man one bit. We choose to consciously pledge ourselves to a single partner, we have a duty to keep that pledge.

In our subconscious we are always aware of the existence of other women. And we generally think (even for a few moments) what it would be like to be with that woman. This is where our conscious mind overrides our nature and tells us it's NOT okay, and we move on from there.

Even in the case of most fantasy, it is fleeting and harmless and never for a moment of actual consideration would most guys truly look to betray their spouse, if their needs are being met.
I do agree with you there.
 

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i eyeball every woman i encounter in a sexual way, sue me.

i would never carryout what i am thinking, not while i'm married and i am not all that happily married.
 

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Definitely not in our nature I'll agree with that....and someone touched on variety and what would be different that's alot of it too.

My wife and I's relationship is awesome and not worth the risk, but to say that "variety" wouldn't be fun and exciting I would be lying if I said that.

Men and Women are just wired different.
 

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forgive me if i'm wrong but....

i read into yer question something like, is a man really ever
satisfied even if he has it all, pert to women/sex.

the obvious factors: age, health, sex frequency, moral values,
self esteem, & wifes "total pkg" too etc.

but i've always wanted to write a treatise on this subject
amongst others. and one of the subheaders would be
what if u(a man) woke up as a woman one day?

from my experiences w/ many women over my lifetime,
i've thought it would be easy for me to keep my man depleted
of sperm, whether it took everyday or 3x a day to put
him outta commission, so to speak.

not that he couldnt look at anyone, but hey, if the tanks
empty, he aint going nowhere....u digg? :lol:

anything short of this emptying, and the man may get
greedy and look for more elsewhere, tho' not likely.

hope yer chuckling, cuz i sure am. ;)
 

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Men and women are not "wired" differently--many women will admit to fantasizing about men other than their husbands.

The main reason women's sexuality has, historically, been suppressed is related to inheritance. Men want to put their efforts into their own offspring, not someone else's. Controlling women's sexuality was the solution to this--if only the h can impregnate her, then the child is his.

The whole idea that women are "naturally" more monogamous is nonsense. It's not even true in nearly all the species they used to think were monogamous, as DNA testing has revealed.

In pre-historic society, people depended on the group, not individuals, to help them survive. The idea that a woman sought one man to "take care of her and provide for her and their offspring" is simply wrong. Women probably sought multiple partners b/c, just like with men, it would be "hedging her bets" to have genetic diversity in her offspring--in case one male proved genetically "inferior." If she only mated with him, all her offspring would die and her DNA would not get passed on.

A female "preference" for monogamy is socially constructed, not naturally "wired" into women.

Does this mean that in marriage, both parties are constantly wishing for a variety of partners? Nope; that depends too much on the individuals for anyone to say. But nearly everyone will agree that sex without variety--within monogamy--gets boring, so partners who care make a point of making sure it does not get boring--because if one cannot get variety within the marriage, s/he may seek it outside the marriage.

There is really nothing "natural" (genetically coded into us) about marriage-but that does not make it wrong. It's a social institution (ok, initially economic). We have other social institutions that require us to control some natural impulses; that's not a bad thing, either. But marriage does require us to control one of the strongest impulses we have, so that makes it more challenging, perhaps. But not impossible or wrong. It is a matter of choice.
 

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Men and women are not "wired" differently--many women will admit to fantasizing about men other than their husbands.
I have to disagree with you sisters. We are wired differently, it's biological in nature. In no way shape or form am I saying men are superior, better, etc. Just that biologically speaking we are inherently different in our brain chemistry, body chemistry, etc.

The main reason women's sexuality has, historically, been suppressed is related to inheritance. Men want to put their efforts into their own offspring, not someone else's. Controlling women's sexuality was the solution to this--if only the h can impregnate her, then the child is his.
Agreed

In pre-historic society, people depended on the group, not individuals, to help them survive. The idea that a woman sought one man to "take care of her and provide for her and their offspring" is simply wrong. Women probably sought multiple partners b/c, just like with men, it would be "hedging her bets" to have genetic diversity in her offspring--in case one male proved genetically "inferior." If she only mated with him, all her offspring would die and her DNA would not get passed on.
A woman can only have a child with ONE man at a time. A male can have a child with multiple women. That is why we are wired differently sexually.

A female "preference" for monogamy is socially constructed, not naturally "wired" into women.
Hmm, i'd love to see any research you have on that subject. While I do know matriarchal tribes exist, they are not common at all.

There is really nothing "natural" (genetically coded into us) about marriage-but that does not make it wrong. It's a social institution (ok, initially economic).
Agreed.
 
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