[Mrs.IDK]

Ok I have been with my husband for 14 years. We have five children ages 14, 11,10,8 and 5. He is always on the porn sites and watching his dvds. Now I don't have a problem with watching it with him sometimes either. We seen our sex life was getting a little boring so we decided to kinda dabbled in the swing lifestyle a little bit about 2 years ago. We’ve been to a few parties a few swing clubs had a few private sessions and even been to a resort. Now I feel like ok we did it we had fun now that’s it. I’m not interested in it anymore. When you think about it its not really safe. Yeah there are condoms involved but when it come to oral who really uses a condom. I know we haven’t. I can’t imagine going all these years practicing safe sex then getting something from doing something so stupid. Another thing is how am I constantly talking to my teenage son about the importance of safe sex if we’re out here not practicing it. The entire thing just turns me off completely. ---- Aside from all of that a lot has been going on in my life and I became very depressed. I’m sure you all know anti depressants lower your sex drive. So I came off of them but my drive is still not back to where it use to be. When we have sex and I try to give it to him at least 2 or 3 times a week, its great I enjoy it once we’re in the act. Its just getting into “it” is where my problem is. I don't feel like it. I’d rather go to sleep.:sleeping: He gets upset and tells me I need to bring some excitement back into the bedroom he’s tired of beating. Dress up, pull out the toys, let me put it in your butt, he says. #1 outfits aren’t cheap and in case you forgot we have 5 count them 5 kids who aren’t cheap either. #2 the toys don't do anything for me anymore. I love having my husband inside of me not that fake thing. #3 I did like anal but this might be TMI but I have hemorrhoids and it hurts when we try to do it now so I don't want to even try anymore. I feel like I give it to him a lot and if he wants some excitement whats wrong with him doing something. I don't see him dressing up/ buying outfits. Shoot I would like some simple foreplay (not oral) that turns me on. I have told him this several time but is he following thru NO! Now don't get it twisted when he puts it down he puts it down but now that the kids are getting older we cant be as loud as I’d like to be. And thats kinda takes away for it too. Is it me? Am I board with him and just don't realize it? Am I boring? What can I do to bring the fire back? Mrs. IDK!!!!:scratchhead:

 

[Mrs.IDK]

"The Poll" is supposed to say how should I bring the excitement back?

 

[Relic]

I can't take your poll because I'm not sure I would vote for any of your three options.

I agree that the swinging is a pretty risky behaviour - not just for risk of exposure to disease, but also risk of destabilizing a solid family unit. Count yourselves lucky for surviving that whole culture and don't go back to it.

Considering your house is practically a convention centre you guys have a lot of sex and some pretty adventurous sex as well.

You seem like a pretty cool lady. I'm sure you could have an honest conversation with your husband about how he could make love-making more pleasurable for you (the simple foreplay you referred to). You'll have to have the conversation at a time and place so that he truly takes in the words you're saying since he has not been hearing what you're saying when you have told him so far.

My wife and I have anal intercourse reglarly because we both love it, but if she gets a health issue that causes her to have discomfort or if she just doesn't want to do it, it won't happen - ever again if necessary. I hope your husband can understand and accept that in your partnership.

In my opinion, you're pretty much a dream girl that has gone above and beyond to keep the flame burning.

It might be time for him to adjust his expectations...because he loves you...unconditionally and wants you to be happy, satisfied, and secure in your partnership.

I'm not quite sure what kind of toys you have in your stockpile. We have vibrators and some small dildos (smaller than my penis). Both my wife and I are not turned-on by the idea of inserting large objects into her body - no disrespect to my member intended.

Your husband should be counting his blessings. He isn't going to do better than you in a million years. If I were you I would have zero fear in that regard. With his child support payments, he wouldn't be able to attract anyone.

You need to lay down the law and set some clear boundaries. Anything beyond your boundaries he's going to have to keep them within his fantasy life and not guilt you about them.

As far as the costumes are concerned, I hate the idea of spending big $$ on something that is going to end up on the floor after three minutes.

 

[Plan 9 from OS]

None of the above on the poll. You and your husband are insane if you ever go back to swinging. Consider yourself lucky that your marriage is still intact. Again, I cannot imagine why any couple on this planet feels that involving a 3rd person in their sex life is a good idea. There are plenty of other ways to spice up your sex life without having to spend a lot of money or swing. The lack of anal is understandable if you have medical issues there, so don't do it.

If you think that it would be OK to encourage your children to become swingers, then by all means go back to swinging. If you don't want your kids to grow up and do this type of thing, then you cannot in good conscience live the swingers lifestyle.

Spicing up your sex life should involve some good imagination. Put some thought into it and the two of you should be able to start a new chapter of romance.

 

[Poet]

If you're at that stage why not try tantric?!! If nothing else you might both have a good laugh :0)

As OP mentioned that's great that you go to so much effort to please him. Lucky man...he should at least listen to you in return!

 

[40isthenew20]

The three options are not enough. You should add a fourth.

In defense of your husband, you did go from a swinger to what sounds like a borderline LD, but a good sport about it. He's used to what happened then, so he's hot and ready to go.

If you decide swinging isn't for you (and I would never do that myself), then your marital sex needs to be adventurous in other more intimate ways.

If the butt plug hurts for a medical reason, he shouldn't even bring it up.

There has to be a happy medium.

 

[wiigirl]

If you're at that stage why not try tantric?!! If nothing else you might both have a good laugh :0)

As OP mentioned that's great that you go to so much effort to please him. Lucky man...he should at least listen to you in return!

:iagree:

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[livnlearn]

We've been married 26 years, haven't done all the things you have by a long shot, and are not bored...and yes, I can speak for him because he is very open and regularly expresses how satisfied he is with our sex life. Something else is missing from your relationship...and it can't be purchased in any sex shop.

I hope you find a way to keep both of you happy and satisfied!

 

[Mavash.]

We've been married 26 years, haven't done all the things you have by a long shot, and are not bored...and yes, I can speak for him because he is very open and regularly expresses how satisfied he is with our sex life. Something else is missing from your relationship...and it can't be purchased in any sex shop.

I hope you find a way to keep both of you happy and satisfied!

:iagree:

Couldn't have said it better myself. Something else is missing and nope it cannot be bought.

 

[studley]

:i agree: Something else is missing and nope it cannot be bought.

I would say if you are bored, then you are just having sex to be having sex and not the intimacy involved.

Ask someone (like me) who has not had sex for a few years how bored they are.

 

[ARF]

Going from monogamous to swinging back to monogamous is probably going to seem boring to an individual who desires to participate in that sexual behavior. Its sort of like trading a corvette in for a stationwagon.

Now, you can't turn back time, so you are going to have to deal with the cards you are dealt. Communication and trial and error is likely the only way you are going to find a monogamous yet risky sexual appetiite that satisfies both needs.

 

[indiecat]

He has to grow up and realize that you can't keep raising the bar forever. There has to be an upper end. It's common sense.

And he's being a bit selfish with the foreplay, no wonder you are building some resentment. Him demanding things and getting upset will turn you off big time.

 

[johnnycomelately]

tell him to take it in the butt, bet that wouldn't be boring.

You marriage is not supposed to survive swinging - the experts on this board say that is impossible.

 

[caseyjohnso]

i agree that the swinging is a pretty risky behaviour

 

[johnnycomelately]

i agree that the swinging is a pretty risky behaviour

So is not keeping your sex life fresh.

I wouldn't swing, but to say, as many do, that your marriage is doomed if you do is just rubbish. Many couples swing happily for decades.

 

[barcafan]

You should definitely take it in the butt.

 

[Runs like Dog]

Your problems seemed centered in your husband's lack respect, tenderness and caring for you. Has he always refrained from 'lovemaking', from cuddling and spooning and such?