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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Looking for advice from experienced DD D/s married couples ONLY.

My husband and I just recently talked about using DD in our D/s relationship last evening. My husband had never heard of the subject and at first was quite surprised and reacted in a way I didn’t expect. Afterward we both took some time apart and then during our pillow talk my husband told me he was ready to talk about DD openly with me.

It went really well! I was surprised by how understanding he can be when I speak up about my needs, or offer up suggestions for things I believe could strengthen our marriage.

I’ve been struggling to submit to him for a long time now. It’s not that I don’t want to submit, because believe me I do, it’s that my flesh is fighting against me and I’ve caused quite a few issues for us.

I feel that using DD in our marriage will counter my inability to fully submit. My husband agrees with this sentiment and wants to find a community where we can be open and honest with those who embrace DD & D/s in marriage.

If anyone can point us towards a Christian online community/forums to help us begin this new journey, I’d really appreciate it.

My husband wants to start making rules in a journal & begin implementing discipline in the coming weeks but he has asked me to point him towards some articles & experienced individuals to help.
 

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Hello all! I’m new here.

Let me start out by saying I’m new to the idea of DD in marriage. Not so much D/s, however I had no idea how vast & sometimes complicated it can be until recently.

I realized while reading about these topics how much I feel I need this in my marriage. I decided to speak to my husband about the idea this evening, only for him to tell me how weird and abusive the idea of spanking as discipline sounds.

I encouraged him to read about these topics and offered to send him some things, but he continued to look at me with a bewildered/slightly disgusted look on his face.

This hurt my feelings as it felt like he was calling ME weird. After what felt like an excruciating long silence in the kitchen, we were making dinner, I went upstairs to our bedroom with the excuse that I had to use the restroom.

I chose not to return downstairs because I felt like crying. I know I might sound like a thin skinned child, but when I discovered the DD & D/s community, it felt like I had just discovered what I’ve needed in our relationship all along.

You see, I struggle to open up to anyone about my needs, and so talking to my husband tonight required courage.

My husband does not like the idea of domestic discipline at all. He dislikes spanking our child, however we agreed spanking is necessary earlier on, so much that he hardly ever follows through.

We love our child and are very careful when disciplining them, and especially when communicating with them afterward.

I know this is VERY different from me asking my husband to discipline me outside of the bedroom, I’m only mentioning it because I’m trying to give some background on us.

My husband feels any sort of spanking or hitting is abusive. Although DD & kinky bedroom spanking are very different, it still throws me off when he sometimes spanks me while we’re making love. He loves my behind and regularly reminds me of it, but still.

I feel DD, in our evolving D/s relationship, is a physical, emotional, and especially spiritual need of mine in order for me to feel secure in our marriage, to submit to him 24/7, and for him to grow into the leader I need him to be.

My husband has been struggling for a long time to lead & especially to be dominant. I’ve explained how important it is to me that he tries and does research on D/s dynamics in order for him to come into his role so that I can serve and please him.

I want to try to approach him about DD again, because tonight probably wasn’t the best time, but I don’t know how to do it without being a ball of anxiety and accidentally confusing him by choosing my words incorrectly.

Anyway, this is my first post so I apologize if it’s all over the place. I’ve never really talked about these things before but this seemed to be the best place to come right now.

I appreciate any advice/insight offered.

-RW
You are not weird. A woman's pleasure center can be an exciting mystery to a man who really wants to please his woman. As a husband, I learned that sexuality is much different to women than to men. Women who want what they want in bed should be willing to teach a man or show him what you need and want at that time of intimacy. If he really wants to please you he will submit to being a student. We don't know what women want. We must ask sometimes. A woman to me is like a guitar. If the right strings are played, it renders sweet music. The wrong strings struck is a sour not. Don't be timid in letting a man know if he is not hitting the right strings. Be kind when you show him the right chord to play. We men get real sensitive when we don't get it right. If you get him to initiate D/D, let him know how much you love it. You'll be in for a real good time. Let us know how it goes!!
 

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Hello all! I’m new here.

Let me start out by saying I’m new to the idea of DD in marriage. Not so much D/s, however I had no idea how vast & sometimes complicated it can be until recently.

I realized while reading about these topics how much I feel I need this in my marriage. I decided to speak to my husband about the idea this evening, only for him to tell me how weird and abusive the idea of spanking as discipline sounds.

I encouraged him to read about these topics and offered to send him some things, but he continued to look at me with a bewildered/slightly disgusted look on his face.

This hurt my feelings as it felt like he was calling ME weird. After what felt like an excruciatingly long silence in the kitchen, we were making dinner, I went upstairs to our bedroom with the excuse that I had to use the restroom.

I chose not to return downstairs because I felt like crying. I know I might sound like a thin skinned child, but when I discovered the DD & D/s community, it felt like I had just discovered what I’ve needed in our relationship all along.

You see, I struggle to open up to anyone about my needs, and so talking to my husband tonight required courage.

My husband does not like the idea of domestic discipline at all. He dislikes spanking our child, however we agreed spanking is necessary earlier on, so much that he hardly ever follows through.

We love our child and are very careful when disciplining them, and especially when communicating with them afterward.

I know this is VERY different from me asking my husband to discipline me outside of the bedroom, I’m only mentioning it because I’m trying to give some background on us.

My husband feels any sort of spanking or hitting is abusive. Although DD & kinky bedroom spanking are very different, it still throws me off when he sometimes spanks me while we’re making love. He loves my behind and regularly reminds me of it, but still.

I feel DD, in our evolving D/s relationship, is a physical, emotional, and especially spiritual need of mine in order for me to feel secure in our marriage, to submit to him 24/7, and for him to grow into the leader I need him to be.

My husband has been struggling for a long time to lead & especially to be dominant. I’ve explained how important it is to me that he tries and does research on D/s dynamics in order for him to come into his role so that I can serve and please him.

I want to try to approach him about DD again, because tonight probably wasn’t the best time, but I don’t know how to do it without being a ball of anxiety and accidentally confusing him by choosing my words incorrectly.

Anyway, this is my first post so I apologize if it’s all over the place. I’ve never really talked about these things before but this seemed to be the best place to come right now.

I appreciate any advice/insight offered.

-RW
He doesn't want to. It makes him uncomfortable. Respect that and find something you both can enjoy. Think of how violated you would feel if you were uncomfortable doing something sexual and he kept trying to persuade you when you have made it clear you do not want to. Drop it and find something else the both of you can get pleasure out of.
 

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Hitting a person to discipline them is abuse. It's also against the law and he could be arrested. If you ever divorced it could be used against him and he could even end up in jail.

It's one thing in sex if that is what you both like, but to hit you if you/he think you have 'misbehaved' is not the way to go.

My strong advise it to get into some good counselling/therapy and find the roots of why you want to be abused in this way. Maybe it's connected to your childhood? I would also suggest that you stop looking on the domestic discipline website and feeding these ideas?

To encourage your husband to abuse you is going against all that society hopes for. Wife beaters are thought really badly of and yet you want him to become one??? No wonder he is disturbed by this.
 

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You are not weird. A woman's pleasure center can be an exciting mystery to a man who really wants to please his woman. As a husband, I learned that sexuality is much different to women than to men. Women who want what they want in bed should be willing to teach a man or show him what you need and want at that time of intimacy. If he really wants to please you he will submit to being a student. We don't know what women want. We must ask sometimes. A woman to me is like a guitar. If the right strings are played, it renders sweet music. The wrong strings struck is a sour not. Don't be timid in letting a man know if he is not hitting the right strings. Be kind when you show him the right chord to play. We men get real sensitive when we don't get it right. If you get him to initiate D/D, let him know how much you love it. You'll be in for a real good time. Let us know how it goes!!
She isn't talking about what happens in sex but her husband's meeting out violent discipline if she does something wrong. Like some would with a child.
 

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Hello all! I’m new here.

Let me start out by saying I’m new to the idea of DD in marriage. Not so much D/s, however I had no idea how vast & sometimes complicated it can be until recently.

I realized while reading about these topics how much I feel I need this in my marriage. I decided to speak to my husband about the idea this evening, only for him to tell me how weird and abusive the idea of spanking as discipline sounds.

I encouraged him to read about these topics and offered to send him some things, but he continued to look at me with a bewildered/slightly disgusted look on his face.

This hurt my feelings as it felt like he was calling ME weird. After what felt like an excruciatingly long silence in the kitchen, we were making dinner, I went upstairs to our bedroom with the excuse that I had to use the restroom.

I chose not to return downstairs because I felt like crying. I know I might sound like a thin skinned child, but when I discovered the DD & D/s community, it felt like I had just discovered what I’ve needed in our relationship all along.

You see, I struggle to open up to anyone about my needs, and so talking to my husband tonight required courage.

My husband does not like the idea of domestic discipline at all. He dislikes spanking our child, however we agreed spanking is necessary earlier on, so much that he hardly ever follows through.

We love our child and are very careful when disciplining them, and especially when communicating with them afterward.

I know this is VERY different from me asking my husband to discipline me outside of the bedroom, I’m only mentioning it because I’m trying to give some background on us.

My husband feels any sort of spanking or hitting is abusive. Although DD & kinky bedroom spanking are very different, it still throws me off when he sometimes spanks me while we’re making love. He loves my behind and regularly reminds me of it, but still.

I feel DD, in our evolving D/s relationship, is a physical, emotional, and especially spiritual need of mine in order for me to feel secure in our marriage, to submit to him 24/7, and for him to grow into the leader I need him to be.

My husband has been struggling for a long time to lead & especially to be dominant. I’ve explained how important it is to me that he tries and does research on D/s dynamics in order for him to come into his role so that I can serve and please him.

I want to try to approach him about DD again, because tonight probably wasn’t the best time, but I don’t know how to do it without being a ball of anxiety and accidentally confusing him by choosing my words incorrectly.

Anyway, this is my first post so I apologize if it’s all over the place. I’ve never really talked about these things before but this seemed to be the best place to come right now.

I appreciate any advice/insight offered.

-RW
Anyone who has been practicing BDSM for a significant amount of time will tell you that the #1 rule is Respect Boundaries. Start practicing this rule before you move to practicing Domestic Discipline or any other kink.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 · (Edited)
You are not weird. A woman's pleasure center can be an exciting mystery to a man who really wants to please his woman. As a husband, I learned that sexuality is much different to women than to men. Women who want what they want in bed should be willing to teach a man or show him what you need and want at that time of intimacy. If he really wants to please you he will submit to being a student. We don't know what women want. We must ask sometimes. A woman to me is like a guitar. If the right strings are played, it renders sweet music. The wrong strings struck is a sour not. Don't be timid in letting a man know if he is not hitting the right strings. Be kind when you show him the right chord to play. We men get real sensitive when we don't get it right. If you get him to initiate D/D, let him know how much you love it. You'll be in for a real good time. Let us know how it goes!!


Thank you for the advice. I was able to be open and talk to him about it tonight. It actually went quite well and he let me explain to him what DD in a D/s dynamic is used for, why, how it benefits both of us, some possible boundaries, etc.

I was surprised with how well he warmed up to the idea once he understood it in a purer light. He agreed he will research it and make a plan for us (probably using a journal) in the coming weeks.

I’m a bit nervous now that I’ve given my husband the reigns on this new chapter in our relationship, but it also feels good. I have hope that using DD in our relationship will help me to become the submissive wife I need to be.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Hitting a person to discipline them is abuse. It's also against the law and he could be arrested. If you ever divorced it could be used against him and he could even end up in jail.

It's one thing in sex if that is what you both like, but to hit you if you/he think you have 'misbehaved' is not the way to go.

My strong advise it to get into some good counselling/therapy and find the roots of why you want to be abused in this way. Maybe it's connected to your childhood? I would also suggest that you stop looking on the domestic discipline website and feeding these ideas?

To encourage your husband to abuse you is going against all that society hopes for. Wife beaters are thought really badly of and yet you want him to become one??? No wonder he is disturbed by this.

Sorry you don’t understand, but please don’t impose your own worries and assumptions on me or my marriage. DD isn’t for everyone. There are MANY success stories with DD helping Christian dom/sub relationships. Next time I’ll post on a forum with respectful & understanding members.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Anyone who has been practicing BDSM for a significant amount of time will tell you that the #1 rule is Respect Boundaries. Start practicing this rule before you move to practicing Domestic Discipline or any other kink.

My husband and I have a very honest relationship. We communicate with each other very well and he’s wonderful at respecting me and my boundaries. I struggle sometimes to respect him, but it’s usually because of my own insecurities. Personally this isn’t a link for me. I’ve done a lot of research on this topic & I feel it’s what our relationship needs. Ty!
 

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My husband and I have a very honest relationship. We communicate with each other very well and he’s wonderful at respecting me and my boundaries. I struggle sometimes to respect him, but it’s usually because of my own insecurities. Personally this isn’t a link for me. I’ve done a lot of research on this topic & I feel it’s what our relationship needs. Ty!
Before you even think about DD maybe you need to work on submission to your husband because it sounds like you're topping from the bottom.
 

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Again, assuming. I said nothing about wanting to force my husband into doing something he doesn’t feel comfortable with. I’m his wife and it’s within my rights to suggest things to him. Trying to control him, that’s a different story and something I absolutely do not want to do. There is nothing wrong with telling my husband about a marriage dynamic I feel could help us, and there’s nothing wrong with suggesting he research it. Final decision is up to him.

Go look up “My Wife Asked Me to Spank Her” in the search bar on TAM. Read through the information given from people who actually understand DD & stop making assumptions for things you clearly don’t understand. :)
I'm not so sure why you got so upset about my comment. You were the one who said you have trouble submitting to your husband and fell like the discipline will help you be more submissive. I only suggested you start with submitting and then work on domestic discipline.

I find it most interesting that you admit to being a "noob" but when someone gives you suggestions based on possibly their background and knowledge you lash out with "you clearly don't understand the lifestyle". Good luck to you.
 

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She isn't talking about what happens in sex but her husband's meeting out violent discipline if she does something wrong. Like some would with a child.
How is spanking that azz any different if it is what she wants?...it isn't. Some get very sexually turned on and act up to get spanked. She is not talking him slapping the **** out of her or beating her. If you want to call one wanted action abuse, then the other during sex has to be labeled abuse also.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 · (Edited)
I'm not so sure why you got so upset about my comment. You were the one who said you have trouble submitting to your husband and fell like the discipline will help you be more submissive. I only suggested you start with submitting and then work on domestic discipline.

I find it most interesting that you admit to being a "noob" but when someone gives you suggestions based on possibly their background and knowledge you lash out with "you clearly don't understand the lifestyle". Good luck to you.

I Did I confuse you with the other person who said I need therapy and that I’m asking my husband to abuse me? I see I did. I apologize for the confusion and appreciate your advice. There were two people who said some things that really irritated/frustrated me and I couldn’t see their messages.

Clearly I’m a noob to technology too 😂
 

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Sorry you don’t understand, but please don’t impose your own worries and assumptions on me or my marriage. DD isn’t for everyone. There are MANY success stories with DD helping Christian dom/sub relationships. Next time I’ll post on a forum with respectful & understanding members.
You weren't talking to me, but YOU are the one who came to an open forum. Anyone can post their thoughts in response to you as long as they don't violate forum rules. Now you are playing the victim because you didn't like someone's thoughts "next time I'll post on a forum with respectful and understanding members". Do you always react this way when someone doesn't share your own particular viewpoint? Might want to work on that.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
You weren't talking to me, but YOU are the one who came to an open forum. Anyone can post their thoughts in response to you as long as they don't violate forum rules. Now you are playing the victim because you didn't like someone's thoughts "next time I'll post on a forum with respectful and understanding members". Do you always react this way when someone doesn't share your own particular viewpoint? Might want to work on that.

Actually I was talking to Diana7. It’s not that I have a problem with my viewpoint being challenged. I have a problem when someone is being extremely judgmental about things they don’t understand and haven’t researched, then trying to tell me I need therapy and that I’m asking my husband to “abuse me”. That is grotesque to suggest such a thing, and I’ll reply however I want to someone who chooses to speak to me that way. It’s an open forum, right? ;)
 

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You aren't the first woman here who has engaged in a dom/sub marriage. If you can provide your motivations, we might be able to steer you toward some helpful sources.
 

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Actually I was talking to Diana7. It’s not that I have a problem with my viewpoint being challenged. I have a problem when someone is being extremely judgmental about things they don’t understand and haven’t researched, then trying to tell me I need therapy and that I’m asking my husband to “abuse me”. That is grotesque to suggest such a thing, and I’ll reply however I want to someone who chooses to speak to me that way. It’s an open forum, right? ;)
Well, in her defense, your opening post was VERY different than what you edited it to now. You made it sound much more like YOU are pushing your husband to do something he told you flat out that he wasn't comfortable with (he called you "weird")...THAT could have been what @Diana7 was responding to.

Also, you are free to respond any way that you want to any poster, of course...but this is YOUR thread where you came looking for advice, so you should be aware that if you respond so negatively to any challenging replies (however judgemental YOU think they are), most people on here won't be willing to spend time typing a reply to you.

And lastly, I mean this very seriously...I think you should remember what you wrote in your first post (which I am taking to be much more honest about how your husband feels about being the one to administer this "domestic discipline" you say you need than what you've changed it into), and consider the following...

Can you see how you have posted that you struggle with submitting to him, so you've decided that DD is the solution...but when your husband opposed this method strongly, you had a little temper-fit and desperately tried to change his mind...which makes this another example of how unwilling you are to respect HIS boundaries and standards and actually submit??

I don't really believe that the threat of DD for you is going to be enough to curb your apparent insistence to get your own way alot of the time, if you feel the need to be physically hurt as a motivator to respect and submit to your husband. You seem to be smart enough to figure out ways to get around accepting the boundaries that you encounter...why will this be any different?

Were you spanked as a child? I'm guessing you were, so if I'm right I am wondering why you think you developed such a strong will in spite of that threat from your parents? Also, did it make you obedient to them, or did it just make you deceptive and tricky?

If you are insistent about disregarding your husband's concerns with physical discipline for your kids and now you (per your original post), then you are still taking the control from him and demanding that things be done YOUR way. That shows a lack of respect that DD will not be able to correct. Fear and pain coupled with no respect creates resentment, not submission. So if you really want to go this route, you need to work on your attitude more, and practice TRUE submission, or else adding physical discipline will just be another source of frustration for your ultimate goal of changing your attitude in your marriage.
 
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