[OwlAlwaysLuvU]

I love my husband but I HATE our dog. I found this dog cold, alone and crying in the woods and brought it home to take it to the vet and find it a home. He fell in love with it and here we are 18 months later still with this dog.

He loves it to no end and I hate it no end. I know that sounds awful but I just do. I have spent thousands of dollars on training, repairing ruined items and he even destroyed my daughter's pictures of when she was born! I'll never be able to show her those EVER.

He loves that dog to no end. Spoils it rotten and I resent every second he spends with it. I can't explain how every time he tells that dog he loves it, or how good it is I want to scream. The dog is the ONLY thing we ever fight about. It messes up the house, it is unruly even though I've spent thousands on a trainer coming to our house. He just doesn't get it.

This dog stresses me so much I literally have chest pain. I'm at the end. I don't know what to do. I know that if I make him choose between me and the dog he'll choose me and resent me for making him get rid of something he loves so much. But if I keep dealing with the dog I'll be stressed and unhappy. I feel like I lose either way.

I don't know what to do anymore. This dog creates so much tension between us that is unnecessary. I guess I just needed to vent how I feel. He knows it but offers no solutions. I've always said "no animals on the furniture" and that was agreed upon, but when I'm not around my older son tells me the dog is on the couch. Yet another thing this dog has ruined, my 4k dollar couch smells of dog and is all scratched. I feel it like no matter what happens with this dog, I'm going to be the bad guy. We had such a great marriage before this dog came into our lives.

Any advice?

 

[YinPrincess]

If the dog is going to be a part of your life the inclusion of EVERYONE in it's training is imperative. I can't stress that enough. Your husband and child must also discipline and reinforce boundaries. Without this the dog will be confused and it's not it's fault that everyone has different rules. The "trainer" should have taught you that - otherwise you got ripped off big-time.
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[justanaveragejoe]

I love my husband but I HATE our dog. I found this dog cold, alone and crying in the woods and brought it home to take it to the vet and find it a home. He fell in love with it and here we are 18 months later still with this dog.

He loves it to no end and I hate it no end. I know that sounds awful but I just do. I have spent thousands of dollars on training, repairing ruined items and he even destroyed my daughter's pictures of when she was born! I'll never be able to show her those EVER.

He loves that dog to no end. Spoils it rotten and I resent every second he spends with it. I can't explain how every time he tells that dog he loves it, or how good it is I want to scream. The dog is the ONLY thing we ever fight about. It messes up the house, it is unruly even though I've spent thousands on a trainer coming to our house. He just doesn't get it.

This dog stresses me so much I literally have chest pain. I'm at the end. I don't know what to do. I know that if I make him choose between me and the dog he'll choose me and resent me for making him get rid of something he loves so much. But if I keep dealing with the dog I'll be stressed and unhappy. I feel like I lose either way.

I don't know what to do anymore. This dog creates so much tension between us that is unnecessary. I guess I just needed to vent how I feel. He knows it but offers no solutions. I've always said "no animals on the furniture" and that was agreed upon, but when I'm not around my older son tells me the dog is on the couch. Yet another thing this dog has ruined, my 4k dollar couch smells of dog and is all scratched. I feel it like no matter what happens with this dog, I'm going to be the bad guy. We had such a great marriage before this dog came into our lives.

Any advice?

The dog isn't the problem, your (and your husbands) lack of training and commitment are,

A trainer can only teach YOU how to train the dog, YOU need to put in the work,

Dont give the dog the opportunity to misbehave, that means he is supervised every minute you are at home, and crated when you are not,

That includes when he goes outside, somebody need to go out with him,

Yes its a lot of work, a dog is a big commitment and responsibility,
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[ares.]

I guess the dog is not you're problem, the problem is why don't you lets this dog in your part of life, love the dog. Actually, you can go outside with the dog and your husband, and sometimes talk with him about how to take care the dog something like that. If your husband know you love the dog, he will really happy I guess

 

[827Aug]

Apparently you guys had the wrong dog trainer. My 14 month old dog has always lived in the house and goes almost everywhere with me. No problems. Of course, there is always dog hair. But, then there's a vacuum cleaner for that. Perhaps that's some of the problem in your household. Perhaps your husband is not taking responsibility for the dog and cleaning up after it. Also, if chewing up things is a problem, try keeping "raw hides" around at all times. Teach the dog that those are the only acceptable things to gnaw on while in the house.

It sounds as though commitment and consistency to make the dog a part of the family is lacking. That's something that every family member must be on-board with. The dog trainer's can't fix that.

Hope you find a workable solution.

 

[LastUnicorn]

Be completely honest and tell him that the dog being inside is a deal breaker for you. That it is ruining your Zen, your furniture, your irreplaceable memorabilia. And the anxiety and hatred of what the dog has done is now having a real impact on your marriage and the home you both have together. The dog HAS to be removed from inside the house. No more indoor dogs, ever.

If you aren't clear about this, you will have a lifetime of dogs in the house. Some will be OK, some will not, but your resentment over it will only intensify.

 

[ankh]

Tell the dog who speaks english that he must choose, between you, with two legs and the other dog with 4 legs, else he will be evicted, banished to the 'dog house'. When 2 legs goes off to work, take 4 legs to the city animal control office and claim he 'ran away.'

 

[YinPrincess]

That's messed up and pretty underhanded. I am sure a compromise can be had...
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[I'mInLoveWithMyHubby]

Honestly, getting a pet like a dog or cat should be taken seriously and decided as a couple.

If you were flat out against this, he should of never taken this dog in ever. Dogs are a huge responsibility and needs to be decided together, not alone. I'm sorry he did this to you.

It took me 10 years to convince my husband to get a dog. He was so against it in the beginning of our marriage, but he was right. I had small children to raise and adding a dog would be too much. Finally my youngest was 5-6 and my husband said I could get my dog if I took full responsibility, which I did. However, it turned out my dog is more loyal to my husband then me.LOL. A year later we added a second dog as a playmate for our golden. It was a smart move on our part. We rescued an Aussie that was already house trained and past that chewing stage. Now my husband, the non dog lover, loves his 2 dogs. I never saw that coming. He now takes them outside every night to play ball or go for a walk in the woods.

I would of never gotten a dog or any animal without my husbands approval. I'm a huge animal lover too, but my husband comes first. BTW, I love your avatar!

 

[costa200]

Get rid of the dog. No amount of training will ever make you love it and animals always do stupid stuff, even when trained.

BTW i had a laugh with the dog lovers here asking you to bend over for the animal. Like someone can just "learn" to like an animal.

Just find a good owner for it. Dogs have their needs, just like people do.

 

[Cosmos]

When you consulted a dog trainer, were both you and your H involved in that training? If the dog goes undisciplined and is spoiled by one of you, no amount of discipline by the other is going to be effective, as it will end up confused. It needs to sense a united front.

The dog should not be allowed in the house until it has been helped to overcome its destructive behaviour.

 

[C3156]

I can tell you from a male point of view that if you frame this as an ultimatum, he may get rid of the dog but he will resent you for it. Any discussion about the dog has to be from a point of view as how it affects your relationship. Be upfront and honest without blame: how you feel, how the dog gets more attention than you, how you feel the dog affects things, etc.

Animals in general require a lot of maintenance and attention. It should be agreed upon between the couple as they are a big responsibility. Just like children, you have to be in agreement on how they are handled as well. I agree with other posters, sounds like everyone is not consistant in the training of the dog and it kind of does its own thing.

Once you dicuss how the dog affects your relationship, you need to have a second discussion on the consistant training and disipline, as well as, general rules about the dog. Everyone needs to be on board or the dog will continue to damage your home and cause problems.

I personnaly do not like dogs, so I know what you are going through. My stepson is in college and decided to get a dog. No big deal except that whenever he cannot watch the dog, he drops it off at our house. He makes no effort to find a sitter and my wife does not mind. This is a boundary that causes a lot of tension for us as she sees it as no big deal. $2k couch and $500 in carpet cleaning does not seem to be a problem.

 

[I'mInLoveWithMyHubby]

Get rid of the dog. No amount of training will ever make you love it and animals always do stupid stuff, even when trained.

BTW i had a laugh with the dog lovers here asking you to bend over for the animal. Like someone can just "learn" to like an animal.

Just find a good owner for it. Dogs have their needs, just like people do.

I agree. I think rehoming this dog is probably a very good idea.

I'm a dog lover, but I would never take in a dog my husband was against. It's respect and I fully respect my husbands wishes. He let me have a dog because he's supportive of me and wants me to be happy.

If you have a bad experience with a particular dog, it makes this situation all the worse. Not all dogs are like this, especially when they are older.

 

[costa200]

I personnaly do not like dogs, so I know what you are going through. My stepson is in college and decided to get a dog. No big deal except that whenever he cannot watch the dog, he drops it off at our house. He makes no effort to find a sitter and my wife does not mind. This is a boundary that causes a lot of tension for us as she sees it as no big deal. $2k couch and $500 in carpet cleaning does not seem to be a problem.

Say no?!

 

[galian84]

Hmm...this is a tough one for me because I do love dogs. But I have to agree, getting a dog or cat should definitely be a joint decision. He should have talked to you about it before he just brought it in. In this case, I can understand why it would be a source of stress for you.

Would you feel better if the dog had been trained properly? Or you just don't like dogs, period?

If it is because the dog is not trained properly, I'd suggest you two make it a joint effort to train it and find a better trainer. A dog IS a big commitment and they are very needy (My mom has two...she spends a lot of her free time feeding them, grooming them, taking them out, etc). They are like babies, almost.

If it's because you don't like dogs, period, then could you two find someone who will be willing to take it in? It deserves to be in a loving home.

 

[EnjoliWoman]

You brought the dog in to the home and taking it out is going to cause a ton of resentment on his side (and son's) just as you are resenting the dog and husband now.

I would suggest you tell your husband that you WANT to love the dog but because of the boundaries constantly being breeched you resent it and you need his help to be consistent and train the dog and maintain the boundaries you BOTH agreed to initially (not on furniture, etc.)

Any good dog book will tell you a dog is happier when it knows who the pack leader is and knows its place in the pack. So keeping it off furniture doesn't make a dog feel unloved; it's just part of knowing his place in the pack.

A crate sounds like a must for your guys. I used to think it was cruel until I learned more about responsible crate training and saw dogs that CHOOSE to lay in the crate above all other places.

Invest one more time. In your marriage, an agreement with emphasis on how important this is to you. Make sure he understands that he needs to be on board with this.

I don't like a dog-smelling sofa or bed myself and have purchased 'scat mats' (piercing audible sound when animal jumps up on it) to put on my sofas and bed when I'm not home because I rescued my dog at 5 years old and she had been allowed on furniture and it's been a hard habit to break.

 

[CantePe]

You brought the dog in to the home and taking it out is going to cause a ton of resentment on his side (and son's) just as you are resenting the dog and husband now.

I would suggest you tell your husband that you WANT to love the dog but because of the boundaries constantly being breeched you resent it and you need his help to be consistent and train the dog and maintain the boundaries you BOTH agreed to initially (not on furniture, etc.)

Any good dog book will tell you a dog is happier when it knows who the pack leader is and knows its place in the pack. So keeping it off furniture doesn't make a dog feel unloved; it's just part of knowing his place in the pack.

A crate sounds like a must for your guys. I used to think it was cruel until I learned more about responsible crate training and saw dogs that CHOOSE to lay in the crate above all other places.

Invest one more time. In your marriage, an agreement with emphasis on how important this is to you. Make sure he understands that he needs to be on board with this.

I don't like a dog-smelling sofa or bed myself and have purchased 'scat mats' (piercing audible sound when animal jumps up on it) to put on my sofas and bed when I'm not home because I rescued my dog at 5 years old and she had been allowed on furniture and it's been a hard habit to break.

Just to reiterate the responsible crate training. My Border Collie\Husky\Timber Wolf mix absolutely WILL choose his crate over all other places to sleep and lay in. It's his furry version of a man cave. His safety zone where he can go when he's had enough of the two cats, the other dog and the kids. He even closes his crate door himself!

Crate training is about a safety buffer or zone for the dog to go and feel safe and get alone time if they desire it.

 

[Emerald]

I would never own a dog - they are fine for other people, so I can understand your frustration. I'm sorry your husband isn't respectful of your feelings here.

 

[OwlAlwaysLuvU]

Thank you for all the responses.

A conversation ensued regarding this issue. Basically - I explained the strain this animal has put on me and our relationship. I don't hate the dog, I hate what it's behavior and my husband's enabling of the behavior has caused in the house. I told him how serious I am that the thought of us living apart (him with the dog) has crossed my mind because I just can't deal with this dog. I've committed to the what the trainer has said (which has made me "the bad guy" in his eyes). You can't watch the dog - he goes in the crate. He isn't allowed to jump on people, to get on the furniture etc... these are normal rules that many families have with their pets. His response "okay, I'll start being mean to him to make you happier". GRRRRRR Totally not the point. Then I hear "fine, we'll just give him away". Well truthfully that would make me happy, but I don't want him to resent me for "making" him get rid of a dog he loves. That's not my intention. I'm not a dog hater. I just believe this dog thinks he is on the same level as the humans in this house, and that's not his place. I also feel like our daughter and myself come second in his thoughts to this dog. Other people have made comments and it's extremely hurtful and embarrassing to feel like a dog is more important to your partner in life than you!

He says he will try to change and train the dog but I don't feel better about it at all because I've heard it before.

 

[YinPrincess]

Husband needs time with the trainer. He needs to understand that it's not being "mean" to the dog... Dogs behave badly when they aren't sure of their "rank" in the pack, and trust me, your dog is confused and probably anxious. Even if he's at the bottom of the totem pole, he'll be happy because that's where he belongs. Dogs are pack animals and hierarchy is VERY important to them.

Best of luck!!
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