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My wife was shocked when I left her for cheating on me, although I always told her I would. For those that are now in R, do you think your wayward believed you would leave when they cheated the first time, and do they think you are bluffing when you tell them they will not get a second chance?
 

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I never told my H I would leave if he cheated on me but I asked him to leave. We are reconciling now and he knows if it happens again he will be asked to leave for the last time!
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My wife was shocked when I left her for cheating on me, although I always told her I would. For those that are now in R, do you think your wayward believed you would leave when they cheated the first time, and do they think you are bluffing when you tell them they will not get a second chance?
I've never told my wife that I would in so many words; but there's no doubt she knows it. In fact, I don't think she's over confident that I wouldn't regardless.
 

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Oh yes, my fWW absolutely believes me because I divorced my first cheating WW.
As it should be. To each his own, but I cannot fathom wanting to be with someone who would treat me like that. I'm assuming there are good women out there who would never cheat. But that's just an assumption.
 

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Yes... and she knows I'd leave her for even lesser affronts than cheating now as well. Basically, she knows her adultery seriously devalued her worth to me in staying in the relationship; A lot of other things I once tolerated will no longer be acceptable either.
Are you happy with her?
 

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If he doesn't he should, but I believe he does. However, he does not even have to cheat. If he even speaks to OW o if I even find out she sent him anything - a letter and he didn't tell me about it, I am done. Any form of reconnection, even a google search and it is all over. Period.

This Thu we will be 1 year NC :)
 

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I think my wife didn't really think about it all that much as she cheated. She thought I didn't love her anyway. I do think she was very surprised that I didn't leave when she found out how much I knew, and also by how hurt I was.

She knows not only will she not get another chance, but also that all the assumptions she made about the courts forcing me to support her won't mean much. I would rather go to jail, or live on the street than give her a cent if we split, and she knows I mean it. I've busted my ass for us, supported her dreams, and I got paid back with infidelity for my dedication.

Nor will we go back to the way things were. That marriage sucked. We can call each other on bad habits now, rather than stew in silent resentment.
 

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My hubby figured our marriage was over the first time, and he KNOWS it will be over if it happens again.
 

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Are you happy with her?
Hard question:
Yes, no and everything in between when it deals with how I perceive her. I am happy because I no longer rely on her to be the caretaker of my happiness. I like being around her. I’m just no longer stuck in the fantasy world that “she completes me” and I need her. I’d be fine without her.

In the marriage, there are different dynamics now: Fun, happy, and better. We do stuff together and like it. There are also ‘disagreements’, but the way we handle them now is a whole ton better than we used to. So I like how we work now.

But that miserable past is still there tormenting... strong memories, strong emotions about them. It continues to influence my perceptions of who she is like a anchor from allowing me to elevate her worth in my mind.
 

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My gf knows that I will not abide infidelity. The good news is she's extremely chaste- she will not let anyone advance on her, not even me. Not until we're married. I'm proud of her.

EDIT: To clarify, my gf has never cheated on me or anyone. She is not a ww or a fww.
 

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Regarding infidelity, even "minor" faults, she knows this is the last chance. No doubt.
 

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My wife was shocked when I left her for cheating on me, although I always told her I would. For those that are now in R, do you think your wayward believed you would leave when they cheated the first time, and do they think you are bluffing when you tell them they will not get a second chance?
We've been in R for a while, though I've found out recently on this site that we've been doing a lot wrong. Starting over again I guess. Anyway, I made it clear to my wife that if I catch her doing even a lesser crime than she's done in the past, I'm out. I mean it, if I even feel like she's maybe thinking of another EA again, I'm gone. Easier said than done but she seems to take me seriously, unlike about a year ago when I first found out what was going on and I took responsibility on myself to fix it all. In terms of did she think I'd leave the first time? She's gotten away with way too much for her to have ever thought that, so I think this "new" policy of divorce for less is a shock to her.
 

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Without a doubt, 100%, if I do anything even remotely in the realm of being inappropriate with someone else, my husband is gone. I still don't feel totally sure that he is going to stay with me after what I've done this time; he still struggles with it.

I believed he would leave me when he learned of my PA. It shocked me that he didn't just write me off then and there. I know part of him feels like he has taught me that he doesn't follow through on things, and that that will make me more likely to cheat again. I don't see it that way at all though. He has given me a gift I could never deserve, and one that he won't give again. I never want to lose him or hurt him again, and I refuse to put myself in a similar situation again.
 

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My FWW knows I would never leave her if she cheats again...with enough lime and a deep enough hole in the crawl space she will always be with me...LOL

Seriously, I let go of her before I can let go of her again...thats a given.
 

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Hard question:
Yes, no and everything in between when it deals with how I perceive her. I am happy because I no longer rely on her to be the caretaker of my happiness. I like being around her. I’m just no longer stuck in the fantasy world that “she completes me” and I need her. I’d be fine without her.

In the marriage, there are different dynamics now: Fun, happy, and better. We do stuff together and like it. There are also ‘disagreements’, but the way we handle them now is a whole ton better than we used to. So I like how we work now.

But that miserable past is still there tormenting... strong memories, strong emotions about them. It continues to influence my perceptions of who she is like a anchor from allowing me to elevate her worth in my mind.
This is where i am at.
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