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Case 1) husband lied to you and ex was a sexual dynamo, you will never live up, he can't/won't stop thinking about her. He is addicted.

Case 2) ex did in fact suck in bed, but husband respects you and your marriage so little that he is willing to disrespect it for a fantasy that never existed.

I cant think of a third. Talk this out with your husband. I think he might be a jackass.
 

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I have been married to my husband for 9 months. We only knew each other for 4 months before we got married so it's a pretty young relationship. I recently caught him emailing an ex and the topic of the conversations was sexual in nature. He initially denied the communication but then admitted it and went on to say he would get turned on by their conversations and masturbate to thoughts of her. Fine, whatever.

What doesn't make sense to me is that he has told me many times how she sucked in bed. She would lay next to him and rub herself off before letting him have sex with her. He said it was miserable. And he said sex with me was great. Why would a man jerk off to thoughts of an ex that sucked in bed instead of porn or his wife who he said he enjoyed in bed?

I asked him and he claimed that he would fantasize about being a better partner in bed. Not a better partner for her, just in general. From day 1 I told him I enjoyed him in bed...so that doesn't make sense to me either.

I'm inclined to believe she did not suck in bed or that maybe I do and he just doesn't want to hurt my feelings. And/or some part of him still wishes things had worked out with her.

Thoughts?
That’s the stoopidest BS I’ve ever heard. Either he’s an idiot or thinks you are.

regardless, he’s communicating with an ex. Bad news.
 

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So do you believe his story of fantasizing about being a better sex partner is bs? He says he was (still is) insecure about his performance so he fantasized about being better at sex and she was just on his mind when that happened because she is who he was talking to when he got turned on.

I'm not ok with him thinking about an ex but Google says its not uncommon. However I can't find anything that says it's normal to think about partners who ypu have no feelings about and who sucked in bed. Only normal to think about someone you still wanted to be with on some level or someone who was great in bed.
Yes. Because it makes absolutely no sense.

Also, being okay with him jerking off while fantasizing about his ex is about the weirdest thing I've ever heard.

1) He clearly misses his ex and still wants to bang her
2) He is lying to you
 

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Some on this thread have stated they you married a guy you hardly knew.

While that's true, it's not complete so I'll fill in the rest.

You hardly know this guy. The exchange of rings and meaningless vows mean nothing.

You made a mistake. A very bad mistake. For whatever reasons you jumped into a supposedly lifelong commitment with a perfect stranger. That's a good topic for a competent mental health professional and it needs to be addressed because there are underlying issue here, and if not resolved will compel you to make the same sorts of bad decisions going forward. But that's for later.

For now, you need to extricate yourself from this situation and you need to do it sooner rather than later. The first step is accepting and understanding that there is a serious problem here that cannot be fixed without some serious damage control. Good news is you aren't tied together with assets and children. It's bad, but it could have been a lot worse.

Of course the alternative is to brush such comments and suggestions aside, and pretend that it's not all that bad, and believe that you were able to make a good, sound major decision about this guy from day 1 because of your extreme powers of observation and perception and whatever, and keep excusing and forgiving and rationalizing his actions until you're sitting there with 3 children and you're at an age that starting all over again isn't such a great option, and there's some guy you happen to be living with who you married about 120 days after you first met, who comes home occasionally when he's not with someone else.
 

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OP it’s simple, next time you are together in bed, lie beside him get your self off, while doing so call out you ex bf’s name when you orgasm, then roll over and go to sleep. Ignore him. See how he reacts, if he is all angry then ask how different is it from what he is doing.
 

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sometimes it takes guys some time to figure out they are "married". i.e. not sexually a single guy any more.

i would recommend you to remind him he IS married, by hitting him upside his head with a 2 x 4!

get any of those stray thoughts of other women out of his head.
he needs to be fantasizing about YOU now!

Your marriage might still work out, but you need to get it back on the rails right away.
 
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