Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 29 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
143 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Maybe its just me or our culture, but I always thought I'd find the love of my life by age 32 or whatever, we'd have a beautiful wedding, buy a nice house, have a couple kids, pets, all kinds of friends to have dinners with, vacations...the dream life. Mainly finding the love of my life, feeling madly in love and sexual with each other, having kids. But now I'm 35 and have been in a relationship with a man I always feel on the fence about, he already has 3 kids so I don't feel like making it a fourth...I feel like I've past my prime for finding the "fairy tale" and I barely even care anymore. It's like I've given up. But fire this fairy tale even exist? What do you think?
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
161 Posts
Re: Re: does the "fairy tale" really exist?

Maybe its just me or our culture, but I always thought I'd find the love of my life by age 32 or whatever, we'd have a beautiful wedding, buy a nice house, have a couple kids, pets, all kinds of friends to have dinners with, vacations...the dream life. Mainly finding the love of my life, feeling madly in love and sexual with each other, having kids. But now I'm 35 and have been in a relationship with a man I always feel on the fence about, he already has 3 kids so I don't feel like making it a fourth...I feel like I've past my prime for finding the "fairy tale" and I barely even care anymore. It's like I've given up. But fire this fairy tale even exist? What do you think?
Posted via Mobile Device
It only exists if you live in fantasy land. I think it more likely depends heavily on people's past experiences as to what they bring into the relationship. Childhood and other relationships always have a downstream affect. There's that and just personality that plays into your percentage of "making it".
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
405 Posts
I am in my second marriage and feel my life is like a fairy tale. I am with a man who has made me the center of his life and I am showered with attention and affection. I have a stepson and I met him when I was 42. Love is better later in life after one knows who they are and what they want. We both have a lot of baggage, but we couldn't be happier. The most important ingredient of the fairy tale is having a man you are head over heels for who you couldn't imagine your life without who you look forward to every minute that you spend together.

Started out marrying my highschool sweetheart, had two kids, had a beautiful house in the country and also a cabin, but I was married to a passive-aggressive man who barely spoke to me. Having the right partner is what makes or breaks the fairy tale.

If you are not married to this guy it is time to move on. Never too late to find your soulmate.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
9,779 Posts
It's difficult to be happy with a "not forever" person. And when you marry young, as I did, the odds are not great that you will pick someone you will be happy with forever.

All the material possessions, and lavish vacations, in the world didn't make up for the fact that I picked the wrong person. Finally, after 45 years of marriage, I'm correcting that mistake but I wish I had done it long ago.

Don't focus on the "fairy tale" and ignore reality.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,571 Posts
Nope, no fairy tale, no Disney writers are directing the course of your life. You will cry, your boobs will sag, your SO will fart in bed, your children will challenge you-sometimes beyond your ability to cope, your job won't be glamorous, you won't be paid what you're worth, people get sick and die.

However, if your priorities ever become reasonal, if your expectations for others behavior toward you mirror your behavior toward them, if your boundaries are firm and your encouragement lavish, if you appreciate the small things, than it's highly possibly you are already in that fair tale, just dressed a little differently.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,221 Posts
I had that life! :eek:

But it was all a lie.

Just like a fairy tale. Pretend.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,169 Posts
I think it exists for some people, but finding it is a matter of luck. We don't all get to experience everything in this life, you know? We have to make choices.

But, in your case, I think you can find closer to the fairy tale than the guy you're with. Fertility is never a guarantee, but I know women who had their firsts in their 40s (one was 46). Have you considered freezing some of your own eggs?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,871 Posts
There are many people I've come across on here who've said they are experiencing the fairy tale. But it's all to do with your mindset - these same people have also ovecome barriers and painful experiences, they have persevered with hard work and committment, and have lots more obstacles to deal with down the road. Life doesn't happen to you, you make life happen, happily ever after does not mean a lifetime full of ignorant bliss.

First thing to do: get off the fence about your H. If you love him and he loves you, and you are both willing to spend the rest of your lives trying to meet each others needs and putting goals together that strive towards your fairytale happy ending, then go with it and make the most of it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
402 Posts
The fairy tale does exist...

Until the dopamine high wears off. Then there are bills to pay, mouths to feed, children that need to be rocked to sleep, given bottles, diapers changes.

Your "super stud" alpha husband slowly becomes a doormat to keep you happy because society has taught him to give you everything you want. He becomes too beta and you start to resent him for it.

NOW, how YOU react to these life events will determine whether or not you will have a fairy tale or a typical TAM coping with infidelity story.

Anon Pink has hit the nail on the head. No Disney writers making it up as you go. Reality and how you deal with it, coupled with your partner will determine the "fairy tale".
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
208 Posts
No because reality gets in the way. There are an infinite number of uncontrollables. Control what you can and work with the rest to make it the best it can be.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
232 Posts
No it doesn't but you can choose to be happy, choose to focus on the positive and work hard on a happy, healthy relationship with someone who is also willing to put in the effort.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
143 Posts
Discussion Starter · #16 ·
That girl- oh no! What happened? Just a few months ago, you seemed so happy from your posts. Are you guys going to try to work it out?
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
143 Posts
Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Northern lights- I can't afford to freeze my eggs. I dont even have health insurance! I'm just hoping I have the chance to have one before its too late. But I want to be in a good situation first. Not sure about mine. I just have so many doubts and don't feel "in love" even though he is so dedicated to me.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,169 Posts
Ugh, health insurance. I feel your pain. In the US we had a really high deductible policy, have you looked into one of those? I'm sure it wouldn't cover freezing your eggs anyway, I'm sure that would be really pricey. Having that biological clock tick in your ear is so hard. Mine started around 15. Lovely.

What's going on with you and the guy you're with now? Why do you feel on the fence? I can't help with the fairy tale question (God knows my life is far from that!), but maybe that's separate from your relationship.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,668 Posts
Maybe its just me or our culture, but I always thought I'd find the love of my life by age 32 or whatever, we'd have a beautiful wedding, buy a nice house, have a couple kids, pets, all kinds of friends to have dinners with, vacations...the dream life. Mainly finding the love of my life, feeling madly in love and sexual with each other, having kids. But now I'm 35 and have been in a relationship with a man I always feel on the fence about, he already has 3 kids so I don't feel like making it a fourth...I feel like I've past my prime for finding the "fairy tale" and I barely even care anymore. It's like I've given up. But fire this fairy tale even exist? What do you think?
Posted via Mobile Device
Stop dreaming about what life could be and start living it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
143 Posts
Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Northern lights- I feel on the fence because I'm not sure we are that compatible, I don't feel madly in love, and I just have this nagging feeling that he's not "the one". But he loves me dearly and is loyal, a little too alpha for me. I find it obnoxious. I've actually been meaning to start a thread about it.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
1 - 20 of 29 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top