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Is what I ask myself ever since.

Just want to say that this is my first post... I have been on this site looking for advice and similar situations in the past.

Im 34 and so is my wife, we've been together for 9 years, lived together for 8 and have been married for 6. we have two young daughters, good careers, a nice house etc... I have everything to be happy about but still struggle sometimes.

8 months ago I fell into a pretty significant depression due to work induced stress, and chronic pain from a back injury. Also on top of that I uncovered an issue where my wife was witholding information about her ex contacting her on facebook that he was in town and asking to meet up with her. This shook me up pretty seriously and I've been having trust issues since.

Ever since the depression I've had this feeling that things were different between us, that there was a loss of respect or admiration that was once there. We've talked about it (quite frequently) and many times I might have made the situation worse by my emotional episodes... each one made this feeling stronger and was basically a vicious cycle that I couldnt control.

I went to a therapist, have been on Welbutrin but still struggle with trust issues. She explained that nothing happened, that they didnt meet up... but in my paranoid state I hacked her FB account and read the message where she said she would meet him. I confronted her about it and she said she only said it to be nice and didnt actually meet him.

Time went on and I still have not been able to shake this feeling of untrust. Had this been such an innocent encounter, why not just tell me about it??? I would have respected that and been given the chance to be a man and process it, ask questions, show my love and trust and put it to rest... but it was a secret.

This made me (for the first time in my life) question everything I've known to be true... I questioned if this has ever happened before, how much has she held from me. Is she in love with me to the point that she doesnt want to hurt me? That she loves the life we have too much to ruin it? We talked about all of this and she reassured me that nothing esle happened,, and that she understood why I feel this way and she would be "a maniac" if the shoe was on the other foot... but something inside of me still tells me something is off. There is more...

I try really hard to make sure she is happy, but I no longer feel she does the same. We were so in love, left love notes for each other, took time to hug and kiss each other... I know she is a working mother and has many responsibilities, but so do I, Im a father of the same 2 kids. I do my fair share,, if not more of the chores around the house, including everything to maintain the outside of the house, all of our finances etc...

Things do seem to be fine, and I could be happy if I let this go.. Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill??? Can she be looking at me as a weak person? Is there more to her secrecy? Should I give it time and see if things get better. Do I need to stop trying so hard?
 

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Trust your gut.

At best she is having inappropriate contact with an ex. Why does she have any contact? Nothing good can come of it.

At worst she is meeting up with him and lying about it.

She will not admit it. The only way you will find out is to keep your eyes open and catch her.

Check out the stickies in the coping with infidelity forum. If she is not lying, a little investigating on your part should prove that too. Then you can relax.
 
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