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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
When I meet my husband he was 33 and I was 25. We had sex at least once a day, more often more than that.
Then after a few years it slowed down to once a day max. then maybe skipping a day here and there. Then I got pregnant and when I get to my third trimester didn’t want to do it much at all.
I had a vaginal birth which my husband was present for and he seemed to be quite shocked of what my body went through. He has an older daughter from a previous relationship, but that had been a C-section.
After our daughter’s birth we just never resumed sex like we did before. He didn’t want to be waked by the baby, which was sleeping in our room while I was nursing so he moved do a different bedroom. By some shire freak miracle I got pregnant again when our daughter was 6 months old.
That pretty much ended it all. Our youngest daughter is a horrible sleeper. I had her in our bedroom for the first year. And now she is nearly 2 and she still rarely sleeps through the night.
My husband sleeps exclusively in the spare room since she was born. We probably have sex once every three to four months. He is now 41 and says he just doesn’t have the drive anymore and lacks interest. Plus he says that he just sleep so much better in the spare room for a variety of reasons he always seems to have.
I am NOT over weight. I am 5’2 and 115 lbs. My SD12 and I can wear most of the same clothes. I get up shower and put my make up on every day and style my hair – so no, I have not just let myself go.
Our marriage is horrible as it feels like we are more roommates than anything. Our relationship was always rocky at times, but at least we still felt married and had that connection. Now after the kids go to bed he goes to the family room to watch TV – the guest room is right off of the family room. If I try to join him to just talk to him he complains that he just wants to be alone to have some time to himself to relax for the day before going to bed.

I should mention that I also have 2 daughters from a previous relationship also. So we do have 5 girls in the house. My husband says that with all us girls talking he just needs to quite time to himself in the evening.

Does this seem normal?
 

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The short answer is no it doesn't decline "drastically" with age. My husband is 47 and we have sex every other day.

Generally lack of sex is just a symptom of a bigger problem. Your husband is unhappy with life in general and it shows in his lack of interest in sex.
 

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to add to what mavash said, i am 51 and my interest in sex with my wife has dwindled. partly because of her interest in sex with me dwindled for the past several years and i gave up. now, ironically, she seems more interested and im not, cruel.

other things certainly affect my feelings, definately some resentments about non sexual issues that are killing my lust for her.
 

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sexual activity and interest vary from couple to couple. It sounds like you and your husband have had, or continue to have, other issues in your marriage besides frequency of intimacy. I'm betting those have an influence on your sexual activity.
 

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My sex life was in decline for the last ten years or more of my marriage. Since the split I'm more or less back to what it was when I was dating more than twenty years ago. The only difference is that I will now only have sex with a woman after getting to know her and never of a first date.
I'm considerably older than anybody's age listed in this thread so I guess that makes me some sort of perv.:D
 

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56, every two days ish. We did go every day over Christmas but definitely needed 'a couple of days off'
 

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My own experience is that age brings different responsibilities and issues so there were declines and then there were increases. Right after our first child was born there was a radical decline - we were busy, tired, and my wife had Post Partum. Then there was an increase once our routine got back to normal. When our second was born - same thing, except shorter duration. During the busiest times, when our kids were younger and we were more tired with activities, etc - there was a decline. Then it increased because we made a conscious effort. Then it declined (wife had an EA/PA). Actually increased during the EA, but decreased during the PA (which was one red-flag for me). After DDay1, it radically increased (false R). Then it started to shut down shortly before we separated. I am 53, my stbxw is 48.
 

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No, I'm 44 and feel more sexually driven than ever before.
My wife is 54 and we are now more sexually active than when we married 13 years ago. She was low on hormones, so her interest was down, but since the hormone shots, she actually initiates now.
 

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I'm 56yo and rarin' to go!

I think your husband does NOT feel like a PRIORITY in YOUR life. You've shoved him out in favor of the kids and he's sick of coming in last. He's checked out and isn't interested in being involved with you on what he probably sees as YOUR timetable.
 
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I recently turned 49 and my sex drive is still going strong!!!!

I must say that you have a lot of estrogen in your house....with 5 girls and you. Wow. I have always believed that our bedroom is just for us, my wife and I. If we let the kids or pets in, then they take priority...and your bedroom is no longer a sacred place of intimacy for you both.

We only have one son, but we have never let him sleep in our bed. When he was young and scared of thunder storms, I would go and sleep briefly in his room to comfort him. He loved this, and it made his room special. We didn't ever start a habit of having him in our bedroom, and this has served us very well.

I would guess that your husband doesn't feel very high on the priority list...with a house full. Do you have a good place in the house for intimacy between you two? If not, that is where I would start to make changes. Just my quick observation.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Will after first daughter was born we simple did not have any other place to put her other than our room. When I got pregnant again we moved to a larger house, but with the baby waking during the night for feedings we did not want her to interupt and wake the baby that did sleep through the nights so we had the one that needed to be attended to in our room again. It was the way my husband thought it would be best.

We have moved her out of the bedroom this past summer. However, she does still get up probably 3-4 x a week during the night. The babies share a room right next to the master. They are the only two rooms upstairs. There are three rooms downstairs - the 14 y/o has one, the 12y/o and 10y/o share one and then we have the guest room that has now become my husbands room.

He now will not come back to our bedroom because he says he has gotten so use to sleeping down there and since the 2y/o still does not sleep through the night on a regular bases he does not want to be woken because he needs his sleep. He also says it's better because I don't "bother him". He snores when on his back and when he would wake me from it, I would nudge him to roll to his side or just gently try to roll him over. It would make him very irriate when I would do this. I think he thinks he is the only one deserving of sleep in the house.
 

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isittime, it seems to me you and your husband need to come to agreement what will work for the two of you. Interest in sexual activity varies among couples. I think the key is whether each couple agrees on the level of that activity.

If one couple has zero sexual activity and that is fine with both of therm, more power to them. If a couple has frequent sexual activity and that is making both of them happy, great.

The problem most often happens when one person has a different level of need than the other person which sounds like the case for you and your husband.

What sexual interest and activity any of the rest of us have is probably less relevant to you and your husband finding a place of equilibrium for the two of you.
 

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I've heard that seeing a woman giving vaginal birth to a baby can be traumatic to the man, killing the drive for a while. Maybe you can ask him if he was affected by that.

Many responsibilities can be tiresome, although both can try to make some time for intimacy. It's important to keep the connection alive (sex is not just physical gratification but also affection between two people), or else you might just grow more and more distant. Take small steps, but make sure to not get lzy about it.
 

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How important is a healthy sex life to you? Some women can take it or leave it, others cannot. If you need that for a fulfilling marriage (I suspect most do) then sit your husband down and make that clear to him. Make sure he understands how this is affecting you. Be honest with him..and yourself.
 
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How important is a healthy sex life to you? Some women can take it or leave it, others cannot. If you need that for a fulfilling marriage (I suspect most do) then sit your husband down and make that clear to him. Make sure he understands how this is affecting you. Be honest with him..and yourself.
We should have a hammer graphic to include in our posts...to use when someone hits the nail on the head like you just did! Right on.
 

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I think he is jealous and resentful of the babies. I'm sure he got a lot more of your time and attention before they came around. When is the last time you two have spent time together sans kiddos? You need to have a serious talk, move the 10yo into that room, and get your marriage back.
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That does not seem normal. You are in a sexless marriage. I would seek counseling.
If a marriage has gone completely sexless don't waste your money on therapy. It is extremely rare that any kind of therapy will put sex back into a marriage especially if it is the husband who is refusing to have sex with his wife. And the older the couple the less likely they will ever have sex again.
 
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