Does R last a lifetime?

Good question!

I am sure that it changes over time.

Maybe there is another way to look at it; maybe the relationship should have had the elements of R prior to the downward spiral that lead to the affair.

I'll never know. I tried it for 6-7 months prior to making a decision that a divorce would be a better path. I left my WW at 8 months.

I think that question about R for a lifetime is key for most of the loyal spouses.

Does it end? Is it worth it? Would a fresh start be better?

You have all the time you want to decide.

Oddly enough I am just at the stage of divorce with my WW but I did speak to a chap perhaps 6 years ago.

He had an affair a few years into his marriage and he was, at that point, about 65 years old after a marriage of 40 years.

He said his wife still brought it up and never let him forget it - he didn't sound bitter at all and was very grateful that his wife had given him a 2nd chance.

They had grandchildren and had built a family with pride despite his affair.

So, his reconciliation was probably still ongoing, but he and his wife had slowly but surely replaced the pain and bitterness with love and respect - maybe to the extent that from 100% pain all those years ago they now had 1% pain and 99% love.

That's how I thought about it; just a shame it looks like we will never experience it

I guess in some ways we have been given a vantage point.....we do actually know the reality that our spouse cheated on us. So now we know.

We don't live in ignorant bliss as others do.

To be honest, I do find myself looking around at couples of all ages now, and i ask myself....."did he cheat?" "did she cheat" who knows?....maybe in all marriages or the majority of them someone cheats at some point in some way....but the spouse doesn't always find out, or maybe they do but you can't tell just by looking at them :scratchhead:

I'm glad I found out, it gives the opportunity to reflect, to understand, and to hopefully make things better. We lost sight of one another, now we only have sight for one another.

It is the most painful thing I've been through, and I've had my share of sh!t.....but in some ways i feel if we can get through this, we might be able to get through anything.

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!!! right?