Talk About Marriage banner
Cancel

Does it ever end??

1657 Views 12 Replies 8 Participants Last post by  stonorobert, 
T
So I'm basically trying to just make it through the holidays. I've gotten to a point where I still get mad about things, but I really haven't been crying as much. Except right now. H has continued to be generally unremorseful. Still texts with the OW. Is keeping his phone locked. I know all of these things.

I just went on FB to wish my oldest stepdaughter Happy Birthday and I see that my H and the OW just became friends on FB. I lost it!

I will admit to being slightly more emotional than most days because two years ago today, my dad died. Perhaps that's the reason for the tears right now.

I texted my H and asked him to call me immediately. We generally try not to discuss or fight if one of us is at work, but I could not wait until he gets home. This was like a big *uck you. He called back and said that he didn't mean to accept her friend request (he is new to FB, but I don't really care). I said fine then you need to unfriend and block her. I asked if she is pursuing him or if he is continuing to encourage her. He sarcastically said, Yeah, I've been to her house and we've had sex 3 times already this morning".

He then said this isn't going to work, you're never going to trust me. Do you have a notification or something set up that shows you every time I spend money or do something. This is from a man who forgets to give me receipts and has asked me to monitor our checking account for his purchases instead of being responsible and helping me with our finances.

I told him that I'm just trying to get through the holidays without ruining it for my stepdaughters or my mom.

How can someone who claims to love you either truly not care at all about your feelings or show no respect. Is it just that he's that selfish? I already know that we aren't going to be able to stay together. The one thing that he was really upset about was that "all the people in the office know why we're fighting now" because I embarassed him. I said good, tell them why I don't like that *itch.

I still have thoughts of sending a letter to all of her FB friends. Not even sure if it would be worth it at this point.

Sorry for the ramble and the rant. I guess I may have to say screw the holidays and initiate something before then.
See less See more
Save
Like
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 13 of 13 Posts
LetDownNTX
Im sorry!! :(

That arrogant statement he made about being at her apartment shows just how little respect he has for you.

Were you crying, did he know you were upset? If so its a control mechanism. Learned this in counseling..lol, any type of abuse is done when a person feels like they have lost control of the situation, they verbally, physically, sexually, etc abuse you in order to be in control of the situation again. Every time I become upset my husband shuts down and sometimes he will even mock me like the jerk that he is.

Im praying for you girl, praying for the both of us that we get our **** together and get strong and leave those jerks in the dust!!
Save
Like
  • Like
Reactions: 5
N
He either doesn't get it or he doesn't give a sh1t.

The fact that he would make a comment like that shows he is absolutely not in reconciliation. And throwing out threats that this won't work if you can't trust me etc is additional proof that he isn't interested in any form of reconciliation that requires effort or change from his end.

And his reason for friending her is weak. Very weak. If he had accidentally friended her, why didn't he immediately undo it? Or why didn't he tell you about it? Why didn't he tell you that she had reached out? He seems to be wanting a lot of privacy and independence, two things he does not have the right to ask for in this situation.

He is focused on how this new situation is inconveniencing his life - you snooping, asking questions, watching where money is going etc. Seems like what he is really upset about is that you are cramping his style.

Sorry to say this, but you are the only one committed to this reconciliation. Which means it is guaranteed to fail. Even when both parties are committed to the reconciliation, success can be rare.

Don't allow him to rug sweep this. Don't tolerate his continued lack of respect and empathy. Demand more. Show him the door and tell him to use it if he can't be transparent and focus on your needs.
See less See more
Save
Like
R
travellover said:
So I'm basically trying to just make it through the holidays. I've gotten to a point where I still get mad about things, but I really haven't been crying as much. Except right now. H has continued to be generally unremorseful. Still texts with the OW. Is keeping his phone locked. I know all of these things.

I just went on FB to wish my oldest stepdaughter Happy Birthday and I see that my H and the OW just became friends on FB. I lost it!

I will admit to being slightly more emotional than most days because two years ago today, my dad died. Perhaps that's the reason for the tears right now.

I texted my H and asked him to call me immediately. We generally try not to discuss or fight if one of us is at work, but I could not wait until he gets home. This was like a big *uck you. He called back and said that he didn't mean to accept her friend request (he is new to FB, but I don't really care). I said fine then you need to unfriend and block her. I asked if she is pursuing him or if he is continuing to encourage her. He sarcastically said, Yeah, I've been to her house and we've had sex 3 times already this morning".

He then said this isn't going to work, you're never going to trust me. Do you have a notification or something set up that shows you every time I spend money or do something. This is from a man who forgets to give me receipts and has asked me to monitor our checking account for his purchases instead of being responsible and helping me with our finances.

I told him that I'm just trying to get through the holidays without ruining it for my stepdaughters or my mom.

How can someone who claims to love you either truly not care at all about your feelings or show no respect. Is it just that he's that selfish? I already know that we aren't going to be able to stay together. The one thing that he was really upset about was that "all the people in the office know why we're fighting now" because I embarassed him. I said good, tell them why I don't like that *itch.

I still have thoughts of sending a letter to all of her FB friends. Not even sure if it would be worth it at this point.

Sorry for the ramble and the rant. I guess I may have to say screw the holidays and initiate something before then.
Click to expand...
Is your husband really that dimwitted that he didn't realize he was accepting her friend request. She should have already been blocked.

You need to go into super sleuth mode and ensure he is not still seeing her.

He is either has a personality disorder and is very cruel or he is not really remorseful.
Save
Like
sweaty teddy
better to ruin a single christmas than a whole life. the writings on the wall time to move on he isn't vested in your marriage.

good luck in the new year.
Save
Like
  • Like
Reactions: 1
LetDownNTX
remorseful strayer said:
Is your husband really that dimwitted that he didn't realize he was accepting her friend request. She should have already been blocked.

You need to go into super sleuth mode and ensure he is not still seeing her.

He is either has a personality disorder and is very cruel or he is not really remorseful.
Click to expand...
He works where she lives, I think its safe to say that he is still seeing her! The problem is that he doesnt think he has done anything wrong because he hasnt gotten caught doing more then texting her.
Save
Like
  • Like
Reactions: 2
T
remorseful strayer said:
Is your husband really that dimwitted that he didn't realize he was accepting her friend request. She should have already been blocked.

You need to go into super sleuth mode and ensure he is not still seeing her.

He is either has a personality disorder and is very cruel or he is not really remorseful.
Click to expand...
He's not stupid although he is new to FB. I'm pretty sure after working with my IC that he has a personality disorder. I just discussed this with her last week. I asked if someone has a personality disorder if reconciliation would ever be possible. She said no because they never think they've done anything wrong.

He texted me this morning after our call and said that he wishes I would just stop thinking he is messing around with this woman.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that be nice and convenient for him. Thanks for the thoughts.
Save
Like
  • Like
Reactions: 1
T
sweaty teddy said:
better to ruin a single christmas than a whole life. the writings on the wall time to move on he isn't vested in your marriage.

good luck in the new year.
Click to expand...
This is a good way to look at things. It always helps to have new perspective :)
Save
Like
T
NEVER HAPPEN 2 ME said:
He either doesn't get it or he doesn't give a sh1t.

The fact that he would make a comment like that shows he is absolutely not in reconciliation. And throwing out threats that this won't work if you can't trust me etc is additional proof that he isn't interested in any form of reconciliation that requires effort or change from his end.

And his reason for friending her is weak. Very weak. If he had accidentally friended her, why didn't he immediately undo it? Or why didn't he tell you about it? Why didn't he tell you that she had reached out? He seems to be wanting a lot of privacy and independence, two things he does not have the right to ask for in this situation. He is focused on how this new situation is inconveniencing his life - you snooping, asking questions, watching where money is going etc. Seems like what he is really upset about is that you are cramping his style.

Couldn't agree with you more. The funny thing is, he knows how detail oriented I am. Not just with him, but with everything. That's why it's pretty ironic that he thinks that I would be this way with everything but him especially after I started to figure things out.

Sorry to say this, but you are the only one committed to this reconciliation. Which means it is guaranteed to fail.
Click to expand...
I'm certain that I know this deep down. It's taken me a little while, but it's obvious that he's unwilling or unable to change. Even though this particular thing still got to me, I know that I'm moving in the right direction which will not include him.

Thanks for the feedback
Save
Like
S
So clearly he hasn't ended contact or the affair. The phone and attitude are dead give always.

Maybe it's time for the phone to be washed in the dishwasher , washing machine, or a pot on the stove.
Save
Like
  • Like
Reactions: 1
CH
NEVER HAPPEN 2 ME said:
he doesn't give a sh1t.
Click to expand...
It's that one, trust me. Former cheater here.
Save
Like
T
CH said:
It's that one, trust me. Former cheater here.
Click to expand...
Yeah, I pretty much know it. He actually called me about an hour ago and was telling me about how bad his day was. I got the feeling that he was telling me this because of how I "embarrassed" him at work. Seriously, he has 0 shame. If nothing else, these things that he keeps doing are making it easier for me to detach.

Still makes me question how I could have been so wrong about someone I thought loved me. It actually scares me how well he lies. Makes me wonder what else has been a lie :scratchhead:
Save
Like
S
The phone and attitude are dead give always.
See less See more
Save
Like
1 - 13 of 13 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Talk About Marriage
A forum community dedicated to married life between you and your spouse. Come join the discussion about love, romance, health, behavior, conflict resolution, care, and more!
Full Forum Listing
Explore Our Forums
Coping with Infidelity General Relationship Discussion Sex in Marriage Going Through Divorce or Separation The Men's Clubhouse
Top