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Earlier on, within 2-3 years of DDay - yes.

Now, not really. I will say that if I spend too much time on somebody's infidelity story, I will find myself in a bad mood for "no reason". I've linked that to being on CWI too much lately, and I back off. But it's not a "trigger" per se, it's more like living in a bad thing for too long.

I do not recommend going back and reading your own threads from the past. That will not be fun.
 

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Actually, I've done just that several times, just to remind myself how far I've come when I'm feeling discouraged.
I have done that as well. Sometimes (not often) I will go to a random page and read for a while. Sometimes it helps me see the progress (individually and as a couple), but it's also embarassing as **** to read. I do have to be aware of when I've had enough though, and usually get to a point were I remember what comes next, think "nope", and close it. I've had moments of reading it just to torture myself, don't recommend that.

Of course, I chose to stay so that probably makes a difference.
 

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I have done that as well. Sometimes (not often) I will go to a random page and read for a while. Sometimes it helps me see the progress (individually and as a couple), but it's also embarassing as **** to read. I do have to be aware of when I've had enough though, and usually get to a point were I remember what comes next, think "nope", and close it. I've had moments of reading it just to torture myself, don't recommend that.

Of course, I chose to stay so that probably makes a difference.
I have totally done it. And I believe at some point I had my 2 longest threads deleted because I didn't want the temptation anymore. I think we all know the progress we've made. Every time I've gone back to read I've regretted it.

I also deleted all old emails I had going back and forth with my wife and the OM back when everything went down. Talk about embarrassing.
 

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I also deleted all old emails I had going back and forth with my wife and the OM back when everything went down. Talk about embarrassing.
I really need to do a cleanup. Every picture I take gets saved to whatever cloud storage we're using, including screenshots... So when I get the "photos from this day" notification it's always a risky click. Sometimes it's screenshots from a thread. The last time I caved it was text message screenshots between my wife and an AP. Yuck.

The other day my 4 year old found a VAR and I couldn't remember if anything was on it. I snatched it out of his hands and saw 3 recordings... Hung onto it all day then stupidly decided to play them. Thankfully it was just super cute recordings my kid made but that "need" for self-torture is pretty stupid.
 

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I have totally done it. And I believe at some point I had my 2 longest threads deleted because I didn't want the temptation anymore. I think we all know the progress we've made. Every time I've gone back to read I've regretted it.

I also deleted all old emails I had going back and forth with my wife and the OM back when everything went down. Talk about embarrassing.
I have pictures and a video of my WH and the AP together. I look at them when I need a dose of rage. Hopefully I can delete them like you have done with your evidence at some point. I look forward to the day when I don’t give a ****.
 

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QuietRiot - but aren't you divorcing? That's different. Bobert and I both went the reconciliation route.
 

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QuietRiot - but aren't you divorcing? That's different. Bobert and I both went the reconciliation route.
We are legally separated but cohabitating. I am moving into my own house when it’s done being built. Divorce is not on the table yet and I don’t know when or if it will be due to an array of issues and financial entanglements...it benefits me not to be divorced. I just want to live alone and figure my life out.

He still says he’s going to “earn me back” but I have zero hopes that will happen, not even sure it’s possible. Basically he said he will do whatever I need him to, and at this point it’s helping me move out and get peace and safety away from him.

That’s where I am. I don’t know what to call it or where I’ll be in a year.
 

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We are legally separated but cohabitating. I am moving into my own house when it’s done being built. Divorce is not on the table yet and I don’t know when or if it will be due to an array of issues and financial entanglements...it benefits me not to be divorced. I just want to live alone and figure my life out.

He still says he’s going to “earn me back” but I have zero hopes that will happen, not even sure it’s possible. Basically he said he will do whatever I need him to, and at this point it’s helping me move out and get peace and safety away from him.

That’s where I am. I don’t know what to call it or where I’ll be in a year.
Ugh. I am so glad mine was clear cut. I cut my losses and ran like the wind. In-home separation must be torture! Good luck getting everything squared away!
 

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It is interesting to come back once in a while and see what advice is being given. I moved on from divorce and thoughts of re-marriage a long time ago. This forum just reminds me why I will never marry again... ever.
 

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It is interesting to come back once in a while and see what advice is being given. I moved on from divorce and thoughts of re-marriage a long time ago. This forum just reminds me why I will never marry again... ever.
Can’t say I blame your stance on that!
 

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I have pictures and a video of my WH and the AP together. I look at them when I need a dose of rage. Hopefully I can delete them like you have done with your evidence at some point. I look forward to the day when I don’t give a ****.
Do you look at those to remind yourself why you're leaving?

I had pictures that my wife kept of her and one of her AP's. Thankfully I don't anymore but I can't imagine having that in my house. I know I'd torture myself (and my wife) with it at times.
 

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Do you look at those to remind yourself why you're leaving?

I had pictures that my wife kept of her and one of her AP's. Thankfully I don't anymore but I can't imagine having that in my house. I know I'd torture myself (and my wife) with it at times.
I feel like regardless of any eventuality, I have to have my own space to heal, figure out what my life is going to be, but I am also at times paralyzed by fear. The only thing that overcomes the fear is anger. That’s why I look at the pictures, to stir anger and focus my objectives. It is torture, but I’m not a very brave person so I need to torture myself to get results apparently.
 

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I feel like regardless of any eventuality, I have to have my own space to heal, figure out what my life is going to be, but I am also at times paralyzed by fear. The only thing that overcomes the fear is anger. That’s why I look at the pictures, to stir anger and focus my objectives. It is torture, but I’m not a very brave person so I need to torture myself to get results apparently.
Sounds like you’ve possibly gone from “never again” where he’s concerned to “maybe someday”?

Anger is very good at keeping you focused when you’re leaving. I kept copies of my husband’s emails with his AP for that reason.
 

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Sounds like you’ve possibly gone from “never again” where he’s concerned to “maybe someday”?

Anger is very good at keeping you focused when you’re leaving. I kept copies of my husband’s emails with his AP for that reason.
I wouldn’t say “maybe someday” even explains it. No. Because is don’t think that way. More like, right now I don’t even want to think about the eventuality of the end, or not the end...I just want to get to the next part of things. I want to see what my life looks like without all this crap going on? I’ve said zero to him about any possibility of reconciliation. So I wouldn’t even say it is a possibility.

Ha, I don’t know what I’m saying, I’m just getting out and then living my life and I’m open to... life???
 

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Discussion Starter #36
I was just looking at my profile and I have been here almost 10 years. Wow it’s been 10 years since my life was turned upside down. What I was really getting at is that I don’t much think about what happened anymore but when I log on here and read about cwi section it brings back those memories. Gets me thinking if I should have left or did I make a right decision staying.
 

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I was just looking at my profile and I have been here almost 10 years. Wow it’s been 10 years since my life was turned upside down. What I was really getting at is that I don’t much think about what happened anymore but when I log on here and read about cwi section it brings back those memories. Gets me thinking if I should have left or did I make a right decision staying.
I think that’s understandable. Do you have regrets about the last 10 years?
 

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Discussion Starter #38
I think that’s understandable. Do you have regrets about the last 10 years?
I think so. If I could go back to the day I found out I probably would have left. Unfortunately I really didn’t have anywhere to go other than a hotel.
 

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I had been away long enough to forget a lot or at least push a lot to deep recesses of memory. I happened back somewhat randomly and find it more a splash of cold water than trigger.
 

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I think so. If I could go back to the day I found out I probably would have left. Unfortunately I really didn’t have anywhere to go other than a hotel.
I’m sorry to hear it. The rest of us could benefit from your wisdom though, but I understand if it’s too difficult to be on here.
 
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