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Do you ever wonder if some people just shouldn't be married. Ive posted on here before, but not for awhile. Granted my marriage isnt great(not horrible, no abuse etc)...

I do a lot of deep thinking about marriage,about myself, about what I have learned over the years..

I think I am a good person, I think my husband is a good person. After 14 yrs of marriage, I honestly don't think we belong together. Well I felt this way on and off for years, but just recently put things in persepective. I will never regret marrying him, as I have 3 beautiful children.

I think my biggest problem is the short courtship. I was 29, he was 28. He was in the Navy. We dated 3 1/2 months before we got married(No I wasnt pregnant)..It was that he was being stationed somewhere else, and neither one of us wanted a long distance relationship,thought we were too old for that. It was a whirlwind to say the least. We spent all our time together for those 3 1/2 months before marriage, talked for hours...

But, as many of you know.. life happens...I "thought" I knew what I wanted and it would be ok... I guess I really didnt know him as well as I thought. No, there is no abuse or cheating...I never realized how different we are. I am not talking about he likes chocolate, and I like vanilla.. I mean serious issues about parenting, about retirement, about money.,discipline etc...I dont think he is wrong, yet I dont think I am wrong, we are just different. I dont think its bad, it is what it is...I guess I never had any grand notion of what married life would be.. Heck, I never thought I would be married.I just kind of rolled along with it.As yrs passed, we got further and further apart.. Its actually very lonely for me. I can honestly say if I didnt have my kids I wouldnt be here..

We spend no time together, unless you call eating dinner as a family and sleeping in the same bed being together. There are no goodbyes in the morning(grandted he leaves early, but sometimes I am awake). He might say a few words about something, but no goodbye kisses etc..He walks in from work, and he doesnt say too much, except if the kids are at his feet.]

he has a lot of his own projects he works on, and that is ok. I mean he works, he deserves his time. This has been a constant source of tension, how much time he spends on projects. I would never take that away from him. He sees it as his time. Ok, I get it.. You work, you pay the pills, you are entitled..

he loves the kids, yet, as soon as they act up, hes either yellling at them, or wanting to leave the room..He says its stressful being around them. Well I agree it is, but I cant just walk away like he can..

My point to all of this is, do you ever think that some people shouldnt be married, I mean even if they are both good people??

I honestly can not see myself with him once the last child is gone.I mean we spend no time together now, and my kids are what keep me busy and my mind occupied..

I often wonder if we had dated longer if we would of still gotten married. We didnt discuss a whole lot before marriage about serious issues. I think we both got caught up in a new romance.
 

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I think there are some serious red flags to consider here. If you will not stay other then for the children then why make them and you unhappy?

If he can't handle being a father why did he sire not one but three kids?

draconis
 

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I think it would help if you let him know how you are feeling? You don't need to bring up things that he may find hurtful if its just the first step, but maybe just write him a simple but sincere letter about whether he shares the feeling you have that things between you have changed and whether he would like to start exploring with you to see if you guys can "connect" once again?
 
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