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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Been a frequent lurker at these forums for a while now, posted some of my own personal **** and gotten some great advice which went a long way to mending some bridges.

So, when this train of thought popped into my head and I found myself intrigued by it, I thought this would be a solid place to get some opinions on it.

Do you think sexuality has become a bit lopsided?


Was looking around some naughty websites, thinking of picking up some stuff for my wife and I - this is a bit out there for us / me as we are fairly vanilla, but yea.

Something I noticed whilst casually checking out some stuff, how much female sexuality and female orgasms are put on a pedestal. On the front page, there were a plethora of "sensitising gels" specifically for the G-spot. Being curious I looked at the comments for these types of items and it was full to the brim of what seemed like women posting how amazing they were, etc etc. That doesn't seem too distant to what you would expect right?

Thing was, right next to them were a bunch of these "performance" condoms. These things are filled with anaesthetic to numb everything down for men, with the intention of making them "last longer". To enhance peformance? Really, that is so condescending.

How well do you think the lube market would do, or rather how much anger it would attract, if it marketed lube as "enhancing the performance of women."

Again I checked the review comments and was surprised to actually find, instead of it being filled with men (presumably with PE or something similar - a legit reason) it was again full of women saying things like "sex is much more satisfying now." That they had bought them for their husband / boyfriend. The trend didn't seem like men buying them for men.

More satisfying for who?

This kinda bugs me a lot actually, and its not even like it affects me directly - because it really doesn't in the slightest.

On one hand we have lotions, potions and gels for enhancing experiences for one gender, and the complete and utter opposite for the other? What happened to faster orgasms, more orgasms? Oh right, thats for women only huh.

I understand this is a real flame bait style thread and contains a bit of gender bias / stereotyping and not everyone thinks or feels the same way, but this really intrigues me as to how sexuality seems to have done a 180, from one extreme to the other.

Opinions?
 

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I think that unless there is a serious imbalance between the couple, the man shouldn't be taking a "Her orgasm means the worlds to me." route. If not, it becomes just a chore. And hell, if I wanted a chore, I would be vacuuming.

I am not meant to be somebody's favourite dildo/vibrator.
 

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If there were a little wooden door covering a woman's lady bits...and the only only way to get it open so that sex could occur would be to make her completely aroused, I promise you, there would be a plethora of 'improved performance' items for women as well. Especially if that door had a time limit or a 'one and done' limit.

However women can have sex, even if they are not that into it...and often do. However, guys generally can't, so you see a much larger slant towards the performance of guys. I don't think it's meant to slight anyone...it's just the way it is.
 

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Despite whatever other definitions of sexual equality people may have, the kind of pressure to perform is completely different between men and women, and its largely a function of the physiology.

performance pressure for men is initiating and being able to get hard, stay hard and last long enough that both partners can derive frictional pleasure. For a woman I suspect the pressure is more of a long term endurance ability to stay physically attractive, remain willing and enthusiastic and being able to supplement her pleasure the way she need to.
 

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Men are more insecure about their sexuality, honestly a woman doesn't have to try very hard to be attractive and sexy to a man. What does a man have to do? Pretty much everything.

We have to Be in Shape, Be confident, be dominant(in a fun way), have tongues that can compete with hummingbird wings, be well endowed, last longer, have a knowledge of womens anatomy to be able to know their quirks, and be able to stay awake and talk after its all over.

Its been placed into our head that we as men as solely responsible for the pleasure of our women, and we as men also get confidence from knowing we can do this. So they play off our insecurities.
 

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Dont take your reality cues from porn or from industry trinkets like 'performance' condoms that cater to teens or which lube is slipperyest. The intent is to arouse, fascinate and stimulate at any cost... not to impart wisdom.

This is exactly equivelant to taking relationship advice from TV. Its all marketing, juvenile titillation, comedy, melodrama and hyperbole... and little else. Entertainemt.

Performance "Pressure'"? I dont think so. Only if you buy into the nonsense.
 

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I never said women didn't have pressure, I just said its easier for you in the dating game.

My opinion on that will not change.

A woman alone in a bar, or anywhere long enough for that matter will eventually get someone who is interested come and engage with them. A man in the same situation, rarely happens, or if at a bar now gets the creepy label.

The thing is, men DO have constant erections without all of the fake enhancements that you mentioned. Which is why 2/3's of the posts in that forum are for men in SEXLESS relationships, you have all of the power. You get to choose when to please your man, and its not hard, all it takes is a little effort. Which compared to the pages of things it takes for men to emotionally connect with a women, but not too much or you'll be a floor mat and you'll sleep with the neighbor instead.
 

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There is also this idea that the man is "responsible" for the woman's orgasm. It's part of our anatomy and gender roles that usually the man is the "giver" and the woman the "receiver". The result being that the pressure for the woman's pleasure in on the man. I think this is increasing all the time as a woman's sexuality become more mainstream fodder on shows like Sex In The City etc.
 

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My guess is it's because the pressure is on men to last longer and on women to orgasm sooner. Perhaps these things are meant to even things out in order to make sex for both parties more satisfying...
 

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Thank you French Fry for your in depth responses.
 

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What French fry says is true, but I think what came to my mind when reading the headline question is that it seems perhaps men nowadays have to do more of the work that women have always had to do on top of the pursuing initiating and performing they've always had to do.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Some nice opinion sharing here.

I think you raise a solid point that it could very well be manufactured comments and reviews, as a marketing ploy.

That actually worries me more than if it were real people. Because these tactics wouldnt be used if they werent successful. Companies wanting to sell you stuff wont dig their own grave by saying the wrong things, honest or not. They say what the consumer wants to hear, so in this case, regardless of who wrote it, it would be what the majority want to hear - in order to increase sales.

I am not a sex toy hater or anything, but I also find it dishonest (probably a too stronger word for it) to say that on one hand, the stigma that men should be responsible for the womens orgasm should discontinue (smth i agree with) and then say that you are not reliant on ure man for orgasms cos u can turn to ure toys. In my mind that removes the man altogether and just reinforces what I am trying to get at.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
I'm not really talking about solo masturbation tho. For context;

How many men do you think would use a "performance" condom whilst solo masturbating? Or an anesthetic "performance" spray?

How many women do you think would use lotions, potions and gels which make orgasms better whilst solo masturbating?


The masturbation angle doesnt hold up. As others have pointed out, how come so much pressure is put on men that, like the above, they have (now socially acceptable - another topic I know) methods to specifically increase the experience for the lady, but when put into the context of pure self gratification - just wouldnt be used?

Edit: To the above poster, don't strawman please. :D
 

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Men are more insecure about their sexuality, honestly a woman doesn't have to try very hard to be attractive and sexy to a man. What does a man have to do? Pretty much everything.

We have to Be in Shape, Be confident, be dominant(in a fun way), have tongues that can compete with hummingbird wings, be well endowed, last longer, have a knowledge of womens anatomy to be able to know their quirks, and be able to stay awake and talk after its all over.

Its been placed into our head that we as men as solely responsible for the pleasure of our women, and we as men also get confidence from knowing we can do this. So they play off our insecurities.

Not to sound rude, I promise, but are you freaking kidding me? Your entire statement has to be the most ridiculous thing I've ever read. Have you actually met any women. Why do you think there are so many jacked up marriages due to lack of sex? Women's insecurities about their bodies, their inability to orgasm, sex being dirty because that's what their parents said. etc. , etc., etc. I could go on forever.

I am in no way saying men aren't insecure about sex. I know that's true. I just couldn't let this one go by.
 
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I never said women didn't have pressure, I just said its easier for you in the dating game.

My opinion on that will not change.

A woman alone in a bar, or anywhere long enough for that matter will eventually get someone who is interested come and engage with them. A man in the same situation, rarely happens, or if at a bar now gets the creepy label.

The thing is, men DO have constant erections without all of the fake enhancements that you mentioned. Which is why 2/3's of the posts in that forum are for men in SEXLESS relationships, you have all of the power. You get to choose when to please your man, and its not hard, all it takes is a little effort. Which compared to the pages of things it takes for men to emotionally connect with a women, but not too much or you'll be a floor mat and you'll sleep with the neighbor instead.
Huh? I agree with cantmove...... Women dont have to try? Funny... Many of us say the same damn thing about men. We have to be in shape, be excellent cooks, sex goddesses, maids, tend to his every need, make sure he isnt bored, be ready to have sex at the drop of a fricken dime regardless of how we feel or else he will go get it elsewhere. Everything you listed could be said for women as well.
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Well since men do get thiers quicker then a woman would... Of course there are thibgs that aid in a womans pleasure. Hell it somewhat seems, OP, that you feel it should be... Wham, bam, thank you ma'am? Or.... the soober one gets off the better? Quickies are nice .... But hours of hot, passionate, sex with drawn out pleasure and multiple orgasms seems better imo.


Besides... How many men actually keep going and going and going after getting thiers to make sure thier wife gets thiers too? There are many cases of the man getting his then rolling over and sleeping and the woman left unpleased and unsatisfied. Which is why there are these products out.
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