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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I tend to have major jealousy issues when it comes to my husbands mother. This started at the beginning of our relationship when his mother was pretty verbal about me "taking her son away."

Does anyone else feel like this?
 

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This started at the beginning of our relationship when his mother was pretty verbal about me "taking her son away".
Did she say this directly to you? WOW...if so.

Is this her only son by chance?

I've never felt like this... Now granted....My grandma used to tell me ..how a man treats his Mother is a good indicator to how he will treat his Wife... and he always gave her respect & honor....

But she always treated me wonderful- from day one -like part of the family. And he never put her before me. She let him live his own life, my Parents in law were helpers, give the shirt off their back type.....but never "interferers".
 

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These weird things tend to happen from time to time with SO's mom.He's definitely a mommas boy which is totally fine but it gets annoying occasionally.When he tells her all of our business I want to tell him to knock it off.It's irritating when she brings up things he has told her and catches me off guard.I dislike being put on the spot especially when I don't know what exactly she knows and what she doesn't.
You have my sympathy;)
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Did she say this directly to you? WOW...if so.

Is this her only son by chance?

I've never felt like this... Now granted....My grandma used to tell me ..how a man treats his Mother is a good indicator to how he will treat his Wife... and he always gave her respect & honor....

But she always treated me wonderful- from day one -like part of the family. And he never put her before me. She let him live his own life, my Parents in law were helpers, give the shirt off their back type.....but never "interferers".
She said it verbatim and she wasn't joking. Plus, when we announced our engagement she said "why do you want to get married?" Then she pulled out a picture of herself in a wedding dress and complained how she didn't like her dress and thought she should have had something better.

(I pretty much hated her since then.)

She has two other son's and a daughter but they all live out of state.
 

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She said it verbatim and she wasn't joking. Plus, when we announced our engagement she said "why do you want to get married?" Then she pulled out a picture of herself in a wedding dress and complained how she didn't like her dress and thought she should have had something better.

(I pretty much hated her since then.)

She has two other son's and a daughter but they all live out of state.
Has he witnessed her doing this kind of stuff?
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
These weird things tend to happen from time to time with SO's mom.He's definitely a mommas boy which is totally fine but it gets annoying occasionally.When he tells her all of our business I want to tell him to knock it off.It's irritating when she brings up things he has told her and catches me off guard.I dislike being put on the spot especially when I don't know what exactly she knows and what she doesn't.
You have my sympathy;)
Thank you. I have to keep my distance from him mom in order to feel OK. She has mellowed over the years but every time he goes over there I get angry. I'm trying to work on this.
 

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No. In fact,I felt like the other woman. He put her first for the first 14 yrs of our marriage. She treated me(and all the in laws) like crap and he let her. If anything was said I took the heat EVERY time. So I stopped saying anything and stopped having anything to do with her at all. Since then, she hasnt had access to me so she started upping her game with him and he finally saw her for how she really is and apologized to me for what I've put up with all of these years. So you have my sympathy as well. This is your H's issue to deal with. If he wont- youre pretty much screwed Im sorry to say.

Good luck.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Have you talked to him about IT....and how did he respond ?
He understands how I feel but his mom is old now and he has to help her. I know she is old. I know she needs help. I know he is the only son in the state and the one who needs to help her but I can't help wishing she'd move out of state into the home of her other son's which is an option.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
No. In fact,I felt like the other woman. He put her first for the first 14 yrs of our marriage. She treated me(and all the in laws) like crap and he let her. If anything was said I took the heat EVERY time. So I stopped saying anything and stopped having anything to do with her at all. Since then, she hasnt had access to me so she started upping her game with him and he finally saw her for how she really is and apologized to me for what I've put up with all of these years. So you have my sympathy as well. This is your H's issue to deal with. If he wont- youre pretty much screwed Im sorry to say.

Good luck.
She isn't upping her game which is good. But now she has the old card and I can't compete with the old card. Then we get into these major fights and he says "She's going to be dead soon" which isn't true since she's in perfect health. I really try not to think about her dying because I know he would feel bad. But sometimes I do think about it and well...OK. I know I shouldn't think about it.
 

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She isn't upping her game which is good. But now she has the old card and I can't compete with the old card. Then we get into these major fights and he says "She's going to be dead soon" which isn't true since she's in perfect health. I really try not to think about her dying because I know he would feel bad. But sometimes I do think about it and well...OK. I know I shouldn't think about it.
So is this all based on what she said before you got married???
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
So is this all based on what she said before you got married???
No. In the first five years of our marriage I use to see her on holidays and I was always getting these types of digs. LOTS OF THEM. Slowly, I stopped going to functions and giving her access to me. If I'm not around her to say things she can't say them. Now, when she sees me which is maybe four times a year she's on her best behavior.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Also, because he was so enmeshed with his mother I never saw him as a sexual person. But sex isn't that important to me and he's an amazing man. So I'm trying to get over that too. I just wish his mom would move away.
 

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Where is his Dad ? Does she have friends ? Any sisters in her life?

It doesn't sound you can cut her out of your life...but getting husband to understand how you are feeling...being on the reciving end of her cutting words, would help some.

Lots of people have Toxic Inlaws, certain boundaries need to be erected to save your sanity.

5 Ways To Protect Your Marriage From Toxic In-Laws



I looked up some books - in case you might be interested>>

Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage: Books

When He's Married to Mom: How to Help Mother-Enmeshed Men Open Their Hearts to True Love and Commitment: Books

From a Christian perspective >>

The Mother-in-Law Dance: Can Two Women Love the Same Man and Still Get Along?: Annie Chapman: Books

Other Woman in Your Marriage: Understanding a Mother's Impact on Her Son and How it Affects His Marriage: Books
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Where is his Dad ? Does she have friends ? Any sisters in her life?

It doesn't sound you can cut her out of your life...but getting husband to understand how you are feeling...being on the reciving end of her cutting words, would help some.

Lots of people have Toxic Inlaws, certain boundaries need to be erected to save your sanity.

5 Ways To Protect Your Marriage From Toxic In-Laws

I looked up some books - in case you might be interested>>

Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage: Books

When He's Married to Mom: How to Help Mother-Enmeshed Men Open Their Hearts to True Love and Commitment: Books

From a Christian perspective >>

The Mother-in-Law Dance: Can Two Women Love the Same Man and Still Get Along?: Annie Chapman: Books

Other Woman in Your Marriage: Understanding a Mother's Impact on Her Son and How it Affects His Marriage: Books
She has one friend who is moving away. Both of her sisters died (who she hated) and her husband (who she hated) died as well, years ago. She does have other family close by but she doesn't like them very much either. The only one she likes is my husband.
 

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She has one friend who is moving away. Both of her sisters died (who she hated) and her husband (who she hated) died as well, years ago. She does have other family close by but she doesn't like them very much either. The only one she likes is my husband.
...this speaks volumes... the woman can NOT get along with ANYONE.

When I hear Mother in law stories, I never know whether it is truly the Daughter in law OR the Mother in Law who is really being the Ogre... it just isn't black & white... I've seen both sides...and I've also heard some tear jerking moments of these 2 coming together....even gave me a tear- just listening.

Once I ran across a "Mother IN Law" HATING forum... at the time I only had sons... I thought to myself...SH** it this what I have to look forward too.... to be hated...despised & wanted dead !

It was very disheartening to read those stories.

ONE thing is for sure... your Mother in Law is NOT a happy person, she is insecure, she is unfulfilled...she is going to die alone - because of her own behavior, her ungiving attitude, her cutting words, her hate, her pushing others away...

Her son... even if he won't admit it, he feels sorry for her... It's just sad really. :( Not sure why she hates everyone in her life...in this way, you simply Can't take any of this personal !!!

She obviously never learned many people skills, or how to overcome conflict with those in her life.

It has to start with someone.
 

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Also, because he was so enmeshed with his mother I never saw him as a sexual person. But sex isn't that important to me and he's an amazing man. So I'm trying to get over that too. I just wish his mom would move away.
Ouch. Not good. Kind of the reverse of a madonna complex?? Never heard of that. My H wasnt like that. My biggest issue was that he'd let her say nasty stuff and if I was offened- he was pissed at ME. Like she twice(at least) incinuated that our child was not his bc of her eye color and bc she doesnt have a medical condition that he has(the odds of getting it were 50/50 since I dont have it). So she'd make snide comments about both of those things. He never said a thing. So basically she called me a ho and he let her. He sees that now- guess thats all that matters. We are both convinced she had her DNA tested-she is in the medical field and could easily do so. She suddenly stopped saying anything after having her second set of medical results(which Im convinced she paid to have DNA ran on since she knew the person at the lab)
 

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...this speaks volumes... the woman can NOT get along with ANYONE.

When I hear Mother in law stories, I never know whether it is truly the Daughter in law OR the Mother in Law who is really being the Ogre... it just isn't black & white... I've seen both sides...and I've also heard some tear jerking moments of these 2 coming together....even gave me a tear- just listening.

Once I ran across a "Mother IN Law" HATING forum... at the time I only had sons... I thought to myself...SH** it this what I have to look forward too.... to be hated...despised & wanted dead !

It was very disheartening to read those stories.

ONE thing is for sure... your Mother in Law is NOT a happy person, she is insecure, she is unfulfilled...she is going to die alone - because of her own behavior, her ungiving attitude, her cutting words, her hate, her pushing others away...

Her son... even if he won't admit it, he feels sorry for her... It's just sad really. :( Not sure why she hates everyone in her life...in this way, you simply Can't take any of this personal !!!

She obviously never learned many people skills, or how to overcome conflict with those in her life.

It has to start with someone.
I agree SA! I have a son and have always adored his Gf's. He is a good judge of character and I look forward to getting 'another' daughter.:) And he's been taught that when he gets married his wife and children come FIRST. Above all. I dont expect to be top dog in my grown son's life. I think that is where so many mom's go wrong- they cant let go.
 
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