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Discussion Starter #1
I busted my husband a few days ago regarding an affair which I assumed was a PA but he states it was a EA. I want to forgive him and move on, and he does not want a divorce, appologized etc, but I keep thinking about this OW and is she waiting around for a man who has no intention of divorce? Is she in love with my husband? As pissed as I am, for some weird reason I feel bad for her. I really want to email her and get her side of the story. 1) to make sure my husband is telling me the truth and 2) to see why she would start something with someone who she knew was married?
What do you guys think? Is this going to hurt or help my marriage recover from this????
 

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In most cases, almost certainly help.

Do you know all the facts, sounds as though she is single, but can you verify that?
Place of work?

Your hubby has probably prewarned her but you may even be able to confirm PA or EA if that is important to you.
 

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I do know you need the whole story and I see no reason you shouldn't contact her. I caution you though....you may not get the truth from her either.

Have you tried other methods of checking up on the truth? His phone, email, FB, etc? You should already have all passwords.

Check for hidden emails, a hidden phone and see if you can get into his work email.

Whether you contact the OW or not, be sure to check in other areas as well.

Good luck to you! I am so sorry you have to deal with this crap.
 

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I would.but chances are it will hurt you deeply and make R harder.

You can't depend on her to tell you the truth or answer any questions about her morals. She may even jump to blaming the affair on you to alleviate her own guilt and make herself look better.

She won't spare your feelings when it comes to the details either.She'll probably give you all the down and dirty stuff without needing much prompting.

Good Luck with whatever route you decide to take.
 

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I think that you have all the right to make him give you her contact information and even introduce the two of you. If he won't do it, then he is hiding something. his embarrassment is not a factor.
 

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I called and emailed. Got nothing more than "what did he tell you". Although contacting her husband helped. We both dug through the emails and timeline to figure out if the stories mesh up. Thankfully they did. Did it help? A little. What helps more is how far your husband is willing to go to work on your marriage.

By the way, stay calm and collected. Screaming and yelling will not help. Oh and I wouldn't meet up with her face to face.
 

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In most cases, almost certainly help.

Do you know all the facts, sounds as though she is single, but can you verify that?
Place of work?

Your hubby has probably prewarned her but you may even be able to confirm PA or EA if that is important to you.
:iagree:

Posted via Mobile Device
 

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The OW never answered my two messages I sent her. I think that speaks volumes. If I was wrong, she would have defended herself and replied back. I guess she and my WS will just get to share their little secrets for life. :mad:
 

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Discussion Starter #9
I emailed her yesterday but have not gotten a response. All I asked was are you in love with my husband. And nothing back so far....
The impass i am facing now is I feel that she may have dumped his ass against his wishes, and I told him if you want to be with her go file for divorce. He said he did not want a divorce. Do I take that as a good sign or do I take it as he is not wanting a divorce because he dosent want to loose his $$$???
 

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I emailed her yesterday but have not gotten a response. All I asked was are you in love with my husband. And nothing back so far....
The impass i am facing now is I feel that she may have dumped his ass against his wishes, and I told him if you want to be with her go file for divorce. He said he did not want a divorce. Do I take that as a good sign or do I take it as he is not wanting a divorce because he dosent want to loose his $$$???
Here is a question. WHAT DO YOU WANT?
 

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I emailed her yesterday but have not gotten a response. All I asked was are you in love with my husband. And nothing back so far....
The impass i am facing now is I feel that she may have dumped his ass against his wishes, and I told him if you want to be with her go file for divorce. He said he did not want a divorce. Do I take that as a good sign or do I take it as he is not wanting a divorce because he dosent want to loose his $$$???
I kinda think that happened to me. The OW quit talking to WS abruptly. We had just gotten back from a big family vacation. I think it pissed her off. He has told me he would have never left me for her. That as his wife I trumped her. Does that make me feel any better? Not so sure! :rofl:
 

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Expose to the OWs husband / BF.

Do not rug sweep. I see you wnt to just move on. bad idea. This must be dealt with.

How does he know her? Do they work together?

They must me verifiably NC.
 

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What do you guys think? Is this going to hurt or help my marriage recover from this????
Will knowing the truth hurt or help your recovery? It should help if there is to be reconciliation.

If she responds you should be prepared to ASK specific question because if she just narrates a story to you, it could have been a prearranged story they had agreed upon to take it underground when things settled down - or to just minimize culpability on either of their parts.

You should not take at face value that she is 'single' -

Be careful - she may be trying to contact your husband to find out how she should respond - so it may take a few days before she gets back to you.
 

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He needs to end ALL contact with her. Has he done that?

He needs to be accountable and transparent.

It's not an easy road to trusting again. It will be hard. Are you both up for the battle?

Get into marriage counselling.

If he isn't willing to end contact with her and be transparent, I wouldn't even consider reconcilation. Tell him that. State your boundaries.

I'd email her asking what happened. You have to make it sound like you're her ally though so she is more willing to share the truth with you.



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