Do WAW's ever come back?

23268 Views 92 Replies 17 Participants Last post by zappy88200, Jan 4, 2013

HiRoad

Discussion Starter · Nov 27, 2012

I have been reading on here from so many TAMer's about how thier W walk out either to be selfish and live the single life or for a PosOM. Leaving a trail of destruction, hurt families, children, and friends deveastated.

However, it seems that when the H takes the right steps (180, no contact, etc.) it gets thier attention. But does the WAW come back? The bigger question may be will the H take them back? It seems that once we see from 50k feet we do not like the person the WAW is and R is not possible.

Has anyone out there experienced a WAW coming back, trully repent what they have done and ask for forgiveness? It seems that most of WAW are trully "done" and it would take an act of God to change their minds.

My WAW fits the definition to a T. I am making progress in following the 180 rules, no contact, and letting her go. But , i cant help but wonder if the WAW ever comes home.

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soca70

· #2 · Nov 27, 2012

Walk Away Wife

BigMac

· #3 · Nov 27, 2012

Yes, there are some that go back , some H takes them, some not depends of the situation .

Only you know if she ever try to get back to you if you want her back !

Now I truly believe that when one of the spouses toke the initiative and left the marriage , then the left one must be separated from it for at least 6 months to be clear with him self at first. Wantch and observe the left spouse's actions.

In my case I'm more and more confident that getting back with her will be steps back. Still want her but not like a month ago.

Concentrate on your self is the key here and nothing else !

HiRoad

Discussion Starter · #4 · Nov 27, 2012

Thanks BM, how long have you been separated from you WAW? Was there a OM?

I have been 180ing and no contact for the last 4 weeks, only contact that we have is via text and when we exchange the kids, which i keep conversations about them and short.

We have been physically seperated for 2.5 months.

Orpheus

· #5 · Nov 27, 2012

HR, just to underscore Mac... If you search long enough and hard enough you will find whatever example you're searching for. The norm around TAM is that reconciliation is slim regardless of the label attached to the other party. And that it takes two people to destroy a marriage. Given the math of that, the only smart thing to do us to work on righting yourself as it helps you in your present situation and would make you more attractive to your spouse.

Once your self esteem has risen you should find that you aren't so interested in pursuing somebody that would treat your marriage so carelessly. It's the question behind the question. Best of luck.
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BigMac

· #6 · Nov 27, 2012

HiRoad said:
Thanks BM, how long have you been separated from you WAW? Was there a OM?

I have been 180ing and no contact for the last 4 weeks, only contact that we have is via text and when we exchange the kids, which i keep conversations about them and short.

We have been physically seperated for 2.5 months.

Separated for 3 months but still under the same roof til the end of the year . The court day ( in front of the judge ) is in 3 days - 11-30 .

She swore she didn't leave me for OM, however 2 weeks after the BS speech she was dating ( and still dating ) a druggie without job,home or car.

However , she can keep her posOM if she wants , now I have spsOW

Dedicated2Her

· #7 · Nov 27, 2012

I am the poster child for changing in order to win the heart of my wife. Can they come back? Absolutely. Will mine? Probably. The question is: Do I want her back? That answer at this exact time is without a shadow of a doubt-----HELL NO. However, will she change and do the work she needs to do to become who she was created to be? If she does, it is possible my mind could change, and I could love her again.

BUT, will I be available when that time comes.......I doubt it. It sucks, but so is life.

BigMac

· #8 · Nov 27, 2012

BUT, will I be available when that time comes.......I doubt it. It sucks, but so is life.

It sucks for who ?

HiRoad

Discussion Starter · #9 · Nov 27, 2012

BM - i am sorry to hear about that but it sounds like you have been really working on your self and you seem confident. Glad to hear that you have moved on, kind of.

Dedicated - I feel the exact same way. i think that my W is making a huge mistake, althought i was not perfrect, i was willing to stick it out and work on our marriage. Will i be a better person for some OW down the line, absolutley! Will she come back at some point, i dont know, but the more i read here and the more i learn about other people, the more i will NOT let her drag me down. I will be a better man for my kids and some one else will appreciate me in the future if she cannot.

My W's commitment level is a zero. Some more background when she got back from Iraq back in'08 she left me, because she wanted to go back to Iraq and help, and wanted to join the peace corps, she was manic. Fast forward to now, it is almost the same thing, acting very manic depressive. The more i see it from 50k feet the more i think that she has more problems than i do. Even thought she cited my selfishness, drinking (which was no more than the average guy here), and golfing as reasons enuff for her departure, what a crock of sh**.

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Dedicated2Her

· #10 · Nov 27, 2012

It sucks for who ?

The wayward, kids, etc.

36Separated

· #11 · Nov 27, 2012

my waw did 8 years ago and we had a great marraige after, including 2 more kids, BUT when things started to go worng again, all the mis trust issue came back, shes gone again now and is divorcing me

Her time away - i let go to the back of my head - but when it started to go srong this time it all came back, i cudnt traust her and started to argue with her - she then left

From her part, she started by saying she wasing going to make our marriage as it worked last time then said shed done once before s wasnt going through again - its now all over

Dedicated2Her

· #12 · Nov 27, 2012

my waw did 8 years ago and we had a great marraige after, including 2 more kids, BUT when things started to go worng again, all the mis trust issue came back, shes gone again now and is divorcing me

Her time away - i let go to the back of my head - but when it started to go srong this time it all came back, i cudnt traust her and started to argue with her - she then left

From her part, she started by saying she wasing going to make our marriage as it worked last time then said shed done once before s wasnt going through again - its now all over

And THIS is why I say: What has the Wayward done to deal with their baggage? Have they changed, in fact, who they are in order to handle a balanced relationship going forward. Most instances, no they have not. They just got lonely enough and the previous pain had become a memory. They fall back in love and start the WHOLE DANG PROCESS AGAIN.

Get comfortable in your own skin. Stand up for what is right and what you deserve, and that is a FUNCTIONAL, ADULT RELATIONSHIP.

HiRoad

Discussion Starter · #13 · Nov 27, 2012

36Separated said:
my waw did 8 years ago and we had a great marraige after, including 2 more kids, BUT when things started to go worng again, all the mis trust issue came back, shes gone again now and is divorcing me

Her time away - i let go to the back of my head - but when it started to go srong this time it all came back, i cudnt traust her and started to argue with her - she then left

From her part, she started by saying she wasing going to make our marriage as it worked last time then said shed done once before s wasnt going through again - its now all over

36, its crazy isnt it, my WAW said something similar to her mom, that she did not feel the love any more, last time she left she admintted to still being in love and that is what kept her from leaving permanently.

This time she is saying that it is truly over, that her hurt runs deeper than her love for me. She is making every excuse to justify her leaving, "it will be better for the boys, they wont know the difference, we will be better parents, we will be happier alone, etc" all BS.

I really thing that when she wakes up and gets out of her fog, she will be like, o snap, what did i do. By then it may be too late for me, as i am doing so much self discovery i really am liking the person that i am. I am becoming who i was before i was married, a strong, attractive, confident, man.

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36Separated

· #14 · Nov 27, 2012

HiRoad said:
36, its crazy isnt it, my WAW said something similar to her mom, that she did not feel the love any more, last time she left she admintted to still being in love and that is what kept her from leaving permanently.

This time she is saying that it is truly over, that her hurt runs deeper than her love for me. She is making every excuse to justify her leaving, "it will be better for the boys, they wont know the difference, we will be better parents, we will be happier alone, etc" all BS.

I really thing that when she wakes up and gets out of her fog, she will be like, o snap, what did i do. By then it may be too late for me, as i am doing so much self discovery i really am liking the person that i am. I am becoming who i was before i was married, a strong, attractive, confident, man.

Mine exactly the same - every excuse going - ive done everything to put right - she isnt interested, i still think in a yr or 2 she think oh ****, but be too l8 then as divorce going through

BigMac

· #15 · Nov 27, 2012

Dedicated2Her said:
The wayward, kids, etc.

Why do you care what she feels ? Because of the kids ?

@HiR , thank you for the nice words , I/m not completely over but every day is a better day and I feel my progress

Dedicated2Her

· #16 · Nov 27, 2012

Why do you care what she feels ? Because of the kids ?

Because I have forgiven her. She is a broken person. She lacks the support and ability to find her way. I want the best for her moving forward, and I know her current path only leads to more destruction and regret. It does suck for her, and my children to a point.

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HiRoad

Discussion Starter · #17 · Nov 27, 2012

36 - i read your story, so there was a OM? My WAW has no OM, rather my IC and I both think she is suffering from some sort of manic depression. Her descision making as of late has been suspect. I.e. having her mom buy her a new car she cant afford, shopping out of control, and partying.

36Separated

· #18 · Nov 27, 2012

I thought the first time it was post natental depression n i thought this time she was ill - but she wasnt she knew what is was doing

HiRoad

Discussion Starter · #19 · Nov 27, 2012

Dedicated2Her said:
Because I have forgiven her. She is a broken person. She lacks the support and ability to find her way. I want the best for her moving forward, and I know her current path only leads to more destruction and regret. It does suck for her, and my children to a point.

I agree, this was the hardest thing for me to deal with. THe fact that my children (3 & 1.5) would not experience what it is like to have mom and dad raising them together in the same house.

But her loss, i will have to find someone else who share my same values.

Reactions: 2

Solon

· #20 · Nov 27, 2012

Zappy! How goes it, Brother?

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