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What worries me is that no matter what he eventually tells me about never going there again, is that each time he returns I know he genuinely thinks this is it, it's great, then a couple of months later he will become bored and as I said her door is always going to be open. The only promising thing so far is that he knows he has issues and gets that his fantasy world is just that, I wouldn't let him move back in for months if I felt there was some hope for us anyway but I'm not sure what I want anymore, my head and heart are pulling in different directions. I'm doing fine this time though, no break downs like the 1st and 2and time, I dont need him but I do still love him.
"Her door is always going to be open"??? Apparently, you door is always open to him as well. And this, I don't understand! Your POS husband has forsaken you AND your children. You said that you have been with him for 25 years. How many children do you two have and how old are your they? Have you had an STD test recently? Have you spoken to a lawyer? Do you have any self-esteem left in you?

Your POS husband has decided to abandon you and your children for other women and you still make excuses for him? His problems are no longer your problems. You have already waisted enough time and energy on him and your marriage. HE MURDERED YOUR MARRIAGE!!!!! And you are still hovering over the corpse, hoping for a resurrection that is never going to happen.

You need to immediately employ "The 180", as well as talk to a lawyer and get the wheels rolling to protect yourself. If he wants to talk to somebody, he can talk to his skanky *****, or a mental health expert. You need to address your situation. You are going to need IC as well, since you seem to be stuck in a world of thinking that your POS husband can somehow be redeemed.

I'm sorry that you are here with this problem, but this is now the time for you to accept that there is no going back and to begin the process of moving on with your life. There are good, honest and loving men out there that will ADORE YOU and put you on a pedestal. You just have shake this rat from your neck first!
 

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Is it possible that he actually wants a divorce but wants to avoid the responsibility of getting one himself? It’s a pattern I’ve seen before, they want out, cheat, treat their spouses horribly in the hope that the spouse will be the one to finally leave? They get to come out the good guy/girl and tell everyone their partner left THEM. And the betrayed spouse is also the one left to do the hard work, make appointments and decisions.

I am really glad to see you feel differently this time, and as much as it may hurt a person’s ego, why stay with a spouse who’s that unhappy with you. None of this is your fault btw or meant to put any blame on you. But if his marriage is making him that unhappy he’s got a responsibility to damn well do something about it. If you’re such a heavy chain to him, and feels that badly that he’s leaving you, then let him go. Because he’s burdening YOU!

I really really recommend you stop listening to him, cut all contact. Who cares anymore if he’s going to the doctor or taking pills and you can’t even believe what he’s telling you he’s told the doctor. If you happen to get stuck listening, change the subject immediately and tell him you can’t talk right now. If you get text messages delete them immediately, why keep those words close so you can lose sleep analysing what he’s thinking and feeling. It’s all just words. His actions are telling a completely different story.

Absolutely shut yourself off from him and his words. Get yourself busy! Too busy to listen and don’t let it take up space in your brain.

Does his family know since he’s not trying to hide it?
 

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The OW is replaceable because it really is a distraction. It makes him feel good for a little bit, then his internal demons come back.
I'm glad you are distracting yourself with companionship. Just don't let it escalate because you are very vulnerable right now.

Please try IC for yourself. Now that will really help you, but it is going to take time. Love your husband from afar because he is a royal mess. He will drag you with him and it will serve no purpose.
Be patient, calm and loving with yourself and your children. Stay firm in detaching from your husband. It will help you in staying level headed and not feel pain that is useless to everyone involved. He won't leave his distraction yet. He may very well just replace her with OW or another distraction.

Just stay out of harm's way until you see real change in the form of actions and not mere words. He is too darn messed up not to **** up again!
 
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He wishes he could love you the way he knows he should but ultimately he finds that life boring. But turns out that the other woman isn’t perfect either and so he yo-yo’s back and forth between the two of you — her, then you, then back to her. That’s on him but you’ve allowed that to happen and that’s on you. Either make him 100% accountable his time or accept that he’s going to be in and out of your life as long as one of you is alive.
OP, he has shown you who he is over and over. Believe him and proceed with divorce. You need peace in your life, not this chaos. None of his behaviour is anything to do with you. This is all within him. Let him go.
 
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