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My husband I got married when I was 16.. Now I am thirty. So everytime I want to go to a friend house ,or out with friends or on a trip. He feels I need to have his permission .. Now I do agree I need to discuss this with him but when he say no he thinks I should not go .. This result turns into a long heated fight!!!!:mad:( with him even threating divorce) My friends and family suggest That I should do what ever I want do.. I can not make him understand that. I have a father and I dont need his permission.
 

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There is a a difference between needing permission and respecting boundries if my wife left over a friends house whenever she wanted to and it didn't matter what I said we'd be divorced. In the same I never am out without her period, even if I have the chance.

The thing is we have kids and one of us normally has to be watching them except for the one day a week we date. She knows as I do that if one goes the other has extra duty and that simply is unfair.

It doesn't mean that she doesn't go out and do things without me, she just has respect to ask me and sometimes she needs to reschedule.

draconis
 

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You did not mention your husband age, is he a little older than you? What has the relationship been like the last 14 years, was it always a case where he told you what to do and you obeyed?

It is really hard when there are two adults living together in a relationship and only one needs to ask the other "permission" to do things. The permission asker will after a while start to feel subdued and undervalued.

I suggest you try or talk to your husband, without arguing or ask someone you both respect to talk to both of you.
 

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I agree that you don't need permission but is this something that you are doing all the time? I know that my husband doesn't tell me no I cannot do something but he will tell me he would rather I not do something.
 

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I agree, you do not need permission to do something. My husband tries to tell me where I should and should not go. But it is one sided. I tell him he can go wherever he pleases.Therefore I should be able to do the same. And as well, I do..
 

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There is a a difference between needing permission and respecting boundries if my wife left over a friends house whenever she wanted to and it didn't matter what I said we'd be divorced.
draconis
beachmoma26
I have to agree with what draconis said above.
Aslo, I really hate that "your my husband not my father" line. What does that mean anyway, that you will show your father respect but not your husband? That's what it comes down too, is respect for the person you share your life with now.
Your friends and family are right, in saying that you should do what ever you want to do, if you were single of if you want a divorce. When you are married however, it is my opinion that you do need to listen to and abide by each others rules.
Notice that I said, " each others" rules, if he doesn't listen to you then that's another story.
If there are no kids involved, I say do yourself and your husband a favor and divorce, then you can do whatever you want like your friends and family have told you to do.
 

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I would always pay my partner the courtesy of discussing my plans, and I'd take his views into consideration when deciding whether to go ahead or not. However, I expect the same consideration in return.

I think this is at the root of your unhappiness? That's it's not a two way street?
 

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Agree with Green-Moo here...

If I have plans like going out I discuss with my wife first. Likewise, I like my wife to discuss her plans with me too.

Its not a permission thing more a courtesy, is that ok with you? sort of thing.

Since we've got a child though, if one of us goes out it means the other has the childcare so I guess its only fair to do it this way.

I would be hurt though if my partner said she was going out regardless of what I thought. (assuming I had a good excuse for her not doing what she wanted to do).

It is a thin line though. If husband is saying no you can;t go out for no apparent reason this is different to saying I'd rather you didnt or its awkward because of abc etc.
 

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Yes, as Psychocandy says, much is in the interpretation of the conversation. What would happen if you just told him that you had plans to do so and so?
 
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