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I have 3 kids... my son 24, step-son 25, step-daughter 23
Raise the two steps from ages 10 & 12
Divorced my son's father when my son 7. Remarried 3 years later.

Your wife wants to do this to make HERSELF feel better. She knows that at this time of year HER actions are hurting your daughter. I would not do it. Let her face her own actions and the reality of what she has done.

It's time that you start building new family xmas traditions with your daughter.
 
I'm not clear. Is Christmas Eve your time and she's planting her ass in on your time? Or is it her day and generously offering you extra time with your daughter? If it means time with your daughter you wouldn't ordinarily have had - I would take her up on offer. If she's honing in on your time, I'd tell her no thanks.
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Whitehawk,
You would like to think she would have class and turn her phone off before she comes over but the truth is she won't. She is so addicted to the OM right now that she not only wants to text him but CRAVES it as well. She will have no regard for your feelings on the subject and if you say anything to her she will get angry and call you controlling or say things like, "This is why we are not together anymore.", etc. By "hanging around" with her at this stage you are giving away your personal power to her. She has the OM so she does not see you in the same way you see her so she has the advantage. You want her and she does not want you. Until you get past that "wanting her" phase and move to indifference with her, you cannot hang out. How do I know this?

Simple, my STBXW and I are quite good friends. We see each other every day and we do what you are wanting to do with your children. With her DV, alcohol dependence (sober right now though) and multiple PA's I simply decided we can't be married anymore. She knows this and understands it. She has an OM right now. I don't care. We do have a boundary of no texts while we are having time with our children. Total indifference has been achieved. That is where you must get to before you can spend any time with her. You are not there yet.
 
Discussion starter · #27 ·
Whitehawk,
You would like to think she would have class and turn her phone off before she comes over but the truth is she won't. She is so addicted to the OM right now that she not only wants to text him but CRAVES it as well. She will have no regard for your feelings on the subject and if you say anything to her she will get angry and call you controlling or say things like, "This is why we are not together anymore.", etc. By "hanging around" with her at this stage you are giving away your personal power to her. She has the OM so she does not see you in the same way you see her so she has the advantage. You want her and she does not want you. Until you get past that "wanting her" phase and move to indifference with her, you cannot hang out. How do I know this?

Simple, my STBXW and I are quite good friends. We see each other every day and we do what you are wanting to do with your children. With her DV, alcohol dependence (sober right now though) and multiple PA's I simply decided we can't be married anymore. She knows this and understands it. She has an OM right now. I don't care. We do have a boundary of no texts while we are having time with our children. Total indifference has been achieved. That is where you must get to before you can spend any time with her. You are not there yet.
yeah and thanks btw too.
no don't assume i want her back bc as i've said many times round here , now that this had happened and the way that it has , i don't know if i even would want her back - speaking of which i'm starting a new thread on some developments.

but i dunno , i'm not to worried about indifference , it comes when it comes that's only natural , it's already gone a bloody long way , quite amazing really, 18yrs .

all this was blown out of proportion , it was only about a Christmas eve for me daughter . it wasn't gonna make or break anything .
 
Discussion starter · #28 ·
I just dont understand how someone you have invested 10 years with acts like he has no idea who you are.

yea i'm sorry for the situation lee and neither do i . the people i read about through here and my own situation , it's a new world

bu.t hell i wouldn't even worry about giving him a serve lee, sounds like he needed it and really what difference does it make. not much at the end of the day but it may make him think about his children a bit more.
 
Discussion starter · #29 ·
well , done and dusted , no dramas and we're both glad we did .

in the end i just text her and said look it's a bit weird you coming over and cooking and stuff here after all this even for C.
why not just make some stuff at home and bring it with ya .
so we went that way and we were both glad we did . daughter had fun , no surprises or calls , no big deal at all and it really made a nice night for my daughter.

w f'd of home later , came back the next day to pick her up to go to grandmas and that was that. no biggie at all really and - i scored a great bottle of scotch and a very nice feed .
 
Glad it went well Hawk. My stbxw actually wanted to stay overnight Christmas Eve "so she could be here when D6 woke up".

Told her it clearly would just be more convenient for her, so no. If it was for D6 she could come over early Xmas morning. She didn't. Showed up at noon Christmas day. We opened gifts, she made dinner for us and she left. No drama.

Your idea was good though. I should have had her bring food instead.
 
Glad it went well Hawk. My stbxw actually wanted to stay overnight Christmas Eve "so she could be here when D6 woke up".

Told her it clearly would just be more convenient for her, so no. If it was for D6 she could come over early Xmas morning. She didn't. Showed up at noon Christmas day. We opened gifts, she made dinner for us and she left. No drama.

Your idea was good though. I should have had her bring food instead.
Glad it went drama free.

Try not to tell HER how SHE feels.

This will only create more problems down the road.

Especially if it happens multiple times.

"I'm not okay with that".

Makes it about you.

She cannot argue (of course she may try) how YOU feel.
 
Discussion starter · #32 ·
thanks a lot Z , i'm so glad it went well for us both then.

but hey , she wanted to stay, ooo i reckon i would've thrown her in the spare room just to see if she tried sneaking in through the night Z , satisfaction :D
 
Discussion starter · #36 ·
up , l'm buying you a sense of humor for Christmas.

only kidden z , l know what you've been through and l think you did the right thing.
truth is l was faced with the same actually so l thanked her walked her out when l felt it was time and she just came back next morning.
 
up , l'm buying you a sense of humor for Christmas.

only kidden z , l know what you've been through and l think you did the right thing.
truth is l was faced with the same actually so l thanked her walked her out when l felt it was time and she just came back next morning.
I hope you got a gift receipt for it!

Gots me an abundance of humor.

When it's appropriate. ;)
 
Discussion starter · #38 ·
yea i mean l guess with people not knowing me it's not really appropriately kidding stuff l know .
humor's helped me through all this though to be honest and even my own situation's sometimes seemed so insane l have actually thrown hands up and laughed at it's craziness.

certainly no disrespect to z intended . lt's actually a compliment as you showed her z and the tables and power have turned and back in your hands !
 
yea i mean l guess with people not knowing me it's not really appropriately kidding stuff l know .
humor's helped me through all this though to be honest and even my own situation's sometimes seemed so insane l have actually thrown hands up and laughed at it's craziness.

certainly no disrespect to z intended . lt's actually a compliment as you showed her z and the tables and power have turned and back in your hands !
You may joke about whatever and in whichever manner you wish.

Trick is not to get emotionally caught up in it.

It can be a slippery slope.
 
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