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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm counting on you family don't let me down hey because I have no f'g idea !.

She left 8 wks ago for those that don't know and we have an 11yr old daughter.
she left because we'd been so rough the last few yrs and it was tearing her up and yes she met a friend she'd been leaning on and she wanted to start spending time with to - still on the scene as far as I know .

she reckons we should have Christmas Eve back here at the house , she wants to cook a big feast and open all the pressies , be a family for my daughter because they wanted to go to the inlaws for Christmas day because she's working right through the holidays and my daughter will be here the rest of it.
nother story !

should i do it ?
l still have so much anger at her , and I also don't really want her back in this kitchen pretending like this under the circumstances . i also just couldn't imagine it after all this .

but am I being childish , should i rise above it for my daughter . is that what i should do ?
we could do it at her new rental instead , but that might be even weirder , besides i know that other [email protected]@t would have been coming and going there when my daughters over here.

thanks people
 

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I'm counting on you family don't let me down hey because I have no f'g idea !.

She left 8 wks ago for those that don't know and we have an 11yr old daughter.
she left because we'd been so rough the last few yrs and it was tearing her up and yes she met a friend she'd been leaning on and she wanted to start spending time with to - still on the scene as far as I know .

she reckons we should have Christmas Eve back here at the house , she wants to cook a big feast and open all the pressies , be a family for my daughter because they wanted to go to the inlaws for Christmas day.
nother story !

should i do it ?
l still have so much anger at her , and I also don't really want her back in this kitchen pretending like this under the circumstances . i also just couldn't imagine it after all this .

but am I being childish , should i rise above it for my daughter . is that what i should do ?
we could do it at her new rental instead , but that might be even weirder , besides i know that other [email protected]@t would have been coming and going there when my daughters over here.

thanks people
She wanted the divorce?

Correct?

Give the defiant what they want.

You said it yourself.

Currently you are not in the correct emotional state to attempt this (that's okay).

Separate Christmas arrangements should be made then.

Live in reality.
 

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I wouldn't. She can't play the *****-hopping single 364 days out of the year and then pretend to be a loving wife for the camera on Christmas. She needs to figure out who and what she is and then be whatever that is 365 days out of the year. Screw a bunch of pretending.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
thanks for that and yeah you are right , it's just my daughter and all.

To think she'd probably never have her family again , it's just sickening.

So you people have got kids to or ?
l 've read of some here that are trying to do stuff even like holidays together for the kids , but it must be so hard though.
 

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thanks for that and yeah you are right , it's just my daughter and all.

To think she'd probably never have her family again , it's just sickening.

So you people have got kids to or ?
l 've read of some here that are trying to do stuff even like holidays together for the kids , but it must be so hard though.
Yes.

I have 2 children.

6 and 4.

The idea of having a shared Christmas is no different to me than having a relationship.

If either party is not in a healthy state then there is no point.

At such an early stage in the separation, I doubt both parties see "eye to eye".

The last thing you want is each other trying to one up the other.

Think of it that way.

It would no longer be about your child, instead it would be about who is the 'better parent'.

Who knows what the future holds, but leave it as that.

Hoping will get you no where.

I can get down to the ground floor with you on the feeling that your child will 'not have a family' based on the fact that the 3 of you aren't together anymore.

Something I personally held onto for a very long time.

The thing is though whitehawk.

Getting right with yourself, becoming an independent person and father will greatly benefit your daughter by default.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Yes.

I have 2 children.

6 and 4.

The idea of having a shared Christmas is no different to me than having a relationship.

If either party is not in a healthy state then there is no point.

At such an early stage in the separation, I doubt both parties see "eye to eye".

The last thing you want is each other trying to one up the other.

Think of it that way.

It would no longer be about your child, instead it would be about who is the 'better parent'.

Who knows what the future holds, but leave it as that.

Hoping will get you no where.

I can get down to the ground floor with you on the feeling that your child will 'not have a family' based on the fact that the 3 of you aren't together anymore.

Something I personally held onto for a very long time.

The thing is though whitehawk.

Getting right with yourself, becoming an independent person and father will greatly benefit your daughter by default.

thanks so much upnover , l love you man. and yeah l did wonder about you because you are so damn strong , l thought he can't have kids but there you go.
you rose above this filth for you and for them , and l and everyone else around here just thank you so much for all your strength and help.
 

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thanks so much upnover , l love you man. and yeah l did wonder about you because you are so damn strong , l thought he can't have kids but there you go.
you rose above this filth for you and for them , and l and everyone else around here just thank you so much for all your strength and help.
4 and 7
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Whitehawk,
I tend to think of the more practical things that can really ruin a good time. How are you going to react when you two are sitting there watching a movie with your daughter and her phone beeps? Of course it will be a text from her "friend". Will you be okay with YOUR WIFE sitting there responding to his texts instead of concentrating on your daughter and the movie? Are you okay with going to her house to have "family" time and seeing the toilet seat up? How will you react. Until you can react to those situations with total indifference, you aren't ready to be around your STBXW yet. Just my $.02.
 

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She wanted out and has a posOM. You have some unresolved anger. No. This is not a good idea. Like others have said, how will you react if she starts flaking out on family time?

Plus she made the choice. If she is feeling guilty or whatever and trying to make up for lost time or something it's too late. Yes it's Christmas. But things are different now. You aren't a family anymore b/c of her decisions.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Whitehawk,
I tend to think of the more practical things that can really ruin a good time. How are you going to react when you two are sitting there watching a movie with your daughter and her phone beeps? Of course it will be a text from her "friend". Will you be okay with YOUR WIFE sitting there responding to his texts instead of concentrating on your daughter and the movie? Are you okay with going to her house to have "family" time and seeing the toilet seat up? How will you react. Until you can react to those situations with total indifference, you aren't ready to be around your STBXW yet. Just my $.02.

oh yea , i think of that. like the jar of coffee on her sill , i notice getting lower and lower everytime l go there to pick up my daughter.
she doesn't drink coffee - that f'k drinks my brand to boot - might lace it next time l see it , kill off some rats .
the text stuff oh yea l think of that too , and just hope she has enough class to set that up before she comes over. but all considerations fly out that window when they're like this don't they so nothing would surprise me .
that indifference in gonna be awhile for me.
thanks for your help.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 · (Edited)
She wanted out and has a posOM. You have some unresolved anger. No. This is not a good idea. Like others have said, how will you react if she starts flaking out on family time?

Plus she made the choice. If she is feeling guilty or whatever and trying to make up for lost time or something it's too late. Yes it's Christmas. But things are different now. You aren't a family anymore b/c of her decisions.

yea i know , it's just about my daughter that's all , everything is now. and we said we would not let our crap , interfere or get stupid in anyway with our daughter .
that's all dandy for her though and them isn't it . me and my daughter are the ones that have to live with her [email protected] now.

well , we've hopefully reached a compromise on this for my daughter now because l ended up telling her to forget the cooking and stuff, told her she's abused and closed those doors now and will have to spend the rest of her days living with destroying our family.
not that she even seems to feel one damn thing about that anyway now but , it might kick in one day.

anyway we've got something quicker and simpler worked out now and that will be that then .

all the best to everyone and thanks so much for your help.
 

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The other day the 4 year old said dad why are u doing this to us and he had the nerve to ask me if I told her that. Really! Why would I involve a 4 year old in something that I myself don't understand. Have we not just spent the last 10 years together.
She was referring to him not picking up the phone when she called but he did not think that
 

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oh yea , i think of that. like the jar of coffee on her sill , i notice getting lower and lower everytime l go there to pick up my daughter.
she doesn't drink coffee - that f'k drinks my brand to boot - might lace it next time l see it , kill off some rats .
the text stuff oh yea l think of that too , and just hope she has enough class to set that up before she comes over. but all considerations fly out that window when they're like this don't they so nothing would surprise me .
that indifference in gonna be awhile for me.
thanks for your help.
Hoping and Assuming.

Indifference cannot be gained until those two are dropped.
 

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yea i know , it's just about my daughter that's all , everything is now. and we said we would not let our crap , interfere or get stupid in anyway with our daughter .
that's all dandy for her though and them isn't it . me and my daughter are the ones that have to live with her [email protected] now.

well , we've hopefully reached a compromise on this for my daughter now because l ended up telling her to forget the cooking and stuff, told her she's abused and closed those doors now and will have to spend the rest of her days living with destroying our family.
not that she even seems to feel one damn thing about that anyway now but , it might kick in one day.

anyway we've got something quicker and simpler worked out now and that will be that then .

all the best to everyone and thanks so much for your help.
What did you decide on?
 

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The other day the 4 year old said dad why are u doing this to us and he had the nerve to ask me if I told her that. Really! Why would I involve a 4 year old in something that I myself don't understand. Have we not just spent the last 10 years together.
She was referring to him not picking up the phone when she called but he did not think that
How did you react to it when he said that?
 
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