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If your wife leaves you for another man after a long term marriage will they eventually eventually miss you even if you took the break up very badly ?
 

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If your wife leaves you for another man after a long term marriage will they eventually eventually miss you even if you took the break up very badly ?
People are not pre-programmed robots who all think and act exactly the same. There is no one answer to this. Yes, some people regret their decision, but other people don't regret it at all. It depends on multiple factors. This isn't a math equation where you can plug in the factors, especially since you don't even know what those factors are for another person.
 

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And l would add PRIDE!!!! Just rules.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
People are not pre-programmed robots who all think and act exactly the same. There is no one answer to this. Yes, some people regret their decision, but other people don't regret it at all. It depends on multiple factors. This isn't a math equation where you can plug in the factors, especially since you don't even know what those factors are for another person.
I know you are 100% correct i was just thinking in general... it was a stupid question to ask in hindsight i guess i'm just feeling a bit down.
 

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I know you are 100% correct i was just thinking in general... it was a stupid question to ask in hindsight i guess i'm just feeling a bit down.
I'm sorry. I know you are looking for answers, but sometimes there aren't any answers. :frown2: At least not from someone else, especially someone who has turned on you.

You don't need that person in order to be happy in yourself. Let her go. Move forward towards what is good and right, rather than looking back on what is over and done. Hanging onto what makes you sad, isn't going to do you any good.
 

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I'm sorry. I know you are looking for answers, but sometimes there aren't any answers. :frown2: At least not from someone else, especially someone who has turned on you.

You don't need that person in order to be happy in yourself. Let her go. Move forward towards what is good and right, rather than looking back on what is over and done. Hanging onto what makes you sad, isn't going to do you any good.
Once again i know your right but when you've been married to someone for 30 years and you thought that person was your best friend and soulmate it's hard to let go even when you know that you must.
 

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Once again i know your right but when you've been married to someone for 30 years and you thought that person was your best friend and soulmate it's hard to let go even when you know that you must.
That's true. The key is to learn how to refocus your thoughts and not allow yourself to keep dwelling on things that only make you feel worse. Don't think about not thinking about it either. When your thoughts start going in a direction that is causing you pain, redirect them to something productive and positive. Think about what is right in your life.

Another thing that is helpful is to think about what you are doing rather than how you are feeling. Focus on the task at hand.

When something particularly upsetting has happened to me, I immerse myself in something that will hold my attention and don't allow myself to dwell on whatever it is that is bothering me. When my grandparents died within months of each other, it was a very hard time for me. I was close to my grandparents and spent all my vacations at their home. When they died, I didn't know what to do with myself when vacation rolled around and I missed them terribly. My husband and I decided to spend that summer dedicated to them, which meant having fun. We did a lot of things that we knew my grandparents would have enjoyed and went to some of the same places that we had been to with them. It was a wonderful summer of celebrating them.

I know that you don't want to celebrate your wife, but could you celebrate what you enjoy doing? What brings you joy and happiness? What are the things that you couldn't do when you were married that you can do now? Where do you find your joy? Look for those things and work to include them into your daily life. Dwell on those things. What we dwell on sets our moods.
 

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I am one of many who have been in your shoes. My husband cheated on me and we had been married for years. I divorced him. He stayed with the OW for several years after our divorce. I have to say that even though I am very happy with my life now, there are times that I wonder if he regrets anything or feels the least bit sorry.

I think it's just human nature to wonder about these things. I'm not sure how long you've been divorced but I can say that it absolutely does get better. Time has to pass and you have to feel all the feelings. But eventually you will feel happy with your life -- and maybe even realize you are much happier divorced than you ever were married!


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I am one of many who have been in your shoes. My husband cheated on me and we had been married for years. I divorced him. He stayed with the OW for several years after our divorce. I have to say that even though I am very happy with my life now, there are times that I wonder if he regrets anything or feels the least bit sorry.

I think it's just human nature to wonder about these things. I'm not sure how long you've been divorced but I can say that it absolutely does get better. Time has to pass and you have to feel all the feelings. But eventually you will feel happy with your life -- and maybe even realize you are much happier divorced than you ever were married!


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Thanks for your input. I'm not divorced yet we separated two and a half months ago and she cheated on me for a couple of months and then left me and moved in with the other man so as you said it is early days.
 

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My ex said something a few months after moving out about having screwed up her life. I don't know for sure that it had anything to do with our split specifically or just the way she put off going to school, job hopping, having kids either when she did or at all, and staying with me as long as she did. She had always described her reasons for leaving me to be who I was and not what I did so reconciliation was never going to be a serious consideration for me. I might with effort change my habits but no one really changes who they are at the core. The only time it was even really mentioned was essentially the lies you tell to children when we told them she was moving out (IE "nothing is definite", "this might just be temporary", etc) and once when we had a hashing out of the logistics of paperwork and terms.

I knew that when she mentioned reconciliation that it wasn't me she wanted to reconcile with. I had made her life easier almost every day. Bill paying, cooking, laundry, etc were now going to be her problem. If she had a bad day (or week or month or season) and decided that doing that stuff was too hard or whatever, no one else was going to pick up her slack and it would just pile up. Having a live in servant was what she missed, I did that for a couple decades, and, now that she wants to live independently, that can be her problem now.
 

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Who cares if she ever misses you?
I see his question two ways.

First, one might care out of a vindictive sense. Missing you implies regret and that she made a terrible mistake. Her loss.

Second, hope that maybe someone might come back.

I think a later post implies he's more in the second camp. That's unfortunate, since he has little control over that and even less control over how things might turn out if she did.
 

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I see his question two ways.

First, one might care out of a vindictive sense. Missing you implies regret and that she made a terrible mistake. Her loss.

Second, hope that maybe someone might come back.

I think a later post implies he's more in the second camp. That's unfortunate, since he has little control over that and even less control over how things might turn out if she did.
And I think he’s wasted enough of his finite life thinking about whatever this zero integrity woman wants or doesn’t want.

You have one life. Best not to waste it thinking about people that have nothing to offer but pain and more wasted time.
 

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If your wife leaves you for another man after a long term marriage will they eventually eventually miss you even if you took the break up very badly ?
I am sorry to break it to you, but it won't happen in this lifetimr. Your wife is the typical cheater that used an exit affair to burn all the bridges so to speak. That type of deceit doesn't come with regret or missing what she made sure was toast when she walked away.

Realize that there is absolutely nothing you could have done right or wrong to fix this. It was all her. She wanted out and wanted out in a way where rebuilding was not possible. She detached from you long before any signs of even an affair were on the radar. She just didn't bother to clue you in on her disinterest in you or your marriage. Your story and mine are very similar in that we were blind sided with our cheaters exit affair. Sadly, this type of affair is very common in long term relationships. Reconciliation and remorse are impossible with this type of affair.

You didn't break it, therefore, you can't fix it. No consolation in knowing this, but realize that your only option is to get to the detachment she was in when she found your replacement. Take care of YOU because she doesn't give a rat's ass about you or your pain. She IS that far gone. You must do the same by getting to a point in your life where what she does or how she is is like seeing what your distant unfriendly neighbor is up too. You don't really know what that neighbor is doing and you pretty much don't care to know as it has no relevance to your life.
 

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I would lean toward yes especially from a long term marriage but not I miss you come crawling back kinda way. I would say most ex's ponder the idea of the what if's or what could of been. Sometimes i miss my ex's but not like trying to get back with them.
 

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If your wife leaves you for another man after a long term marriage will they eventually eventually miss you even if you took the break up very badly ?
In my many years of experience, I've come to learn several things. One of these things is, when a woman is done, she's done.

Whether you want to face it or not, your wife disrespected you over and over by cheating on you and lying to your face about it. Then, she built a damned crawlspace UNDER her lowest point in life by deserting you to run off with Prince Charming.

It's bad enough she has ZERO respect for you, but you need to have more respect for yourself and stop hoping this vile excuse for a human being will 'miss' you and possibly come crawling back to you. The saddest part is, I think you'd actually take her back if she did.
 

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Thanks for your input. I'm not divorced yet we separated two and a half months ago and she cheated on me for a couple of months and then left me and moved in with the other man so as you said it is early days.
I was a little rough in my last post but it needed to be said.

However, I do feel bad because now that I know you were married for 30 years, that tells me she basically told you when to come in out of the rain and you're feeling pretty lost without her. That's how it usually is for most guys in this age bracket when they suddenly find themselves alone and having to fend for themselves.

I stand by what I said. But don't be surprised if she does start sniffing around looking to come back home when her romance with this guy ****s the bed. You see this quite a bit - a cheater runs off to be with their prince/princess, it doesn't quite turn out to be the Shangri-La the two fools thought it would be, and then the cheater is suddenly ALL about wanting to go back home because they made "such a mistake." She'll pretty much tell you whatever you want to hear if she finds herself homeless and needs to come back home. Make NO mistake about it.

And that would make you nothing more than her last option.
 
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