Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 613 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
980 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Seems to me this is the case. I can point to a number of cases in which someone left the other person for a friend or cheated on a spouse with a friend. I can think to my own life and the problem opposite sex friends played before. In addition my own research on the psychology behind opposite sex friendships and seeing the issue they can play on individuals on this forum.

I am not against opposite sex friends UNLESS you are married. In a marriage keeping in constant contact with an opposite sex friend who is really close only will lead to trouble (imo).

It seems to me keeping any friend you may have had a past relationship with or you and that friend had past feeling but never acted on it. Is something that is very risky in the case of marriage. In the case of dating i am not so against them given the fact that dating is essentially a process of elimination.

Eventually curiosity will get the best of both of you and you will act on your feelings.



Anyone else agree?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
579 Posts
Mostly, unless the opposite sex friend looks like a troll or is gay. But I mean.. I'm a girl. I can be close close opposite friends with a guy and never develop any sexual feelings for him - ever. That's why guys complain so much about the "Friend Zone" it exists.. and it's nearly impossible to get out of. Like a black hole.

It's different for men.. Men don't have female friends, period.
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
45,166 Posts
No they do not.

Women often make friends with guys that they see as a brother.

Men generally only put time into a frienship with a female if he wants sex with her. The desire is usually there from his perspective.

But these relationships are problematic because they can cross the line. Not wroth the risk when in a relationship with someone.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
7,548 Posts
Well I have opposite sex friends, but I think the difference is (to me) that they are mutual friends with my wife.

And I am rarely if ever alone with them for any length of time, there is no need too.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
49 Posts
I have an opposite sex friend that I spend a bit of time with. We have been friends for around 10 years. Never have we once had any inappropriate relations. If I treated my partner with anything but the upmost respect, she would kick my ar*e for me. My partner thinks the world of her also, as do my children, my partners children and the rest of my friends.
She is one person I know I can count on always.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
980 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Mostly, unless the opposite sex friend looks like a troll or is gay. But I mean.. I'm a girl. I can be close close opposite friends with a guy and never develop any sexual feelings for him - ever. That's why guys complain so much about the "Friend Zone" it exists.. and it's nearly impossible to get out of. Like a black hole.

It's different for men.. Men don't have female friends, period.
I do not think "Friend zone" exists. I think that is something men just tell themselves to make the female look cruel for not returning similar feelings.

I believe all you need in order for a relationship to ensue is a spark that can range from physical to emotional connection/attraction.

Generally speaking men and women do not maintain a very good strong relationship with 1 individual of the opposite sex unless they are physically and mentally attracted to them.

Studies have been done to the death on this.

There is a belief that "women are better at not mixing friendship and sex" and that women can be friends with men but men cannot be friends with women.

I do not believe this to be true overly true in regards to that "special" one opposite sex friend who has hung around for years. I believe women are just as likely to desire their friend but are less likely to go for him or bring up their feelings. I feel women are just as likely to engage in an affair with a close friend they have had for years and i feel women are just as likely to be pushed by curiosity.

I've had a male friend for nearly 35 years; he's like a brother to me. It has never been physical. We have even travelled out of state together. I'm also friends with his wife and her family. And when I was very ill a few years ago, all of my family became friends with them too. No problems at all.
This is a rare instance

I've read that relationships formed in the sandbox day's can avoid this issue. However i have overwhelmingly heard and read that males and females who make and maintain a special opposite sex friend usually are attracted to one another and will partake in a physical and emotional relationship at some point.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
579 Posts
I do not think "Friend zone" exists. I think that is something men just tell themselves to make the female look cruel for not returning similar feelings.

I believe all you need in order for a relationship to ensue is a spark that can range from physical to emotional connection/attraction.

Generally speaking men and women do not maintain a very good strong relationship with 1 individual of the opposite sex unless they are physically and mentally attracted to them.

Studies have been done to the death on this.

There is a belief that "women are better at not mixing friendship and sex" and that women can be friends with men but men cannot be friends with women.

I do not believe this to be true overly true in regards to that "special" one opposite sex friend who has hung around for years. I believe women are just as likely to desire their friend but are less likely to go for him or bring up their feelings. I feel women are just as likely to engage in an affair with a close friend they have had for years and i feel women are just as likely to be pushed by curiosity.



This is a rare instance

I've read that relationships formed in the sandbox day's can avoid this issue. However i have overwhelmingly heard and read that males and females who make and maintain a special opposite sex friend usually are attracted to one another and will partake in a physical and emotional relationship at some point.


Oh goldmember, I'm a female. Friends Zone most definitely exists. Absolutely most definitely. It's almost as bad as the "Sibling zone" actually.. most friend zoned guys turn into sibling zone guys if they can't get out of the friend zone. I swear, I have been close friends with men for over a decade without any physical or emotional attraction. I was completely dumbfounded when THEY told ME they had feelings for me. I had to tell them they were more like brothers to me.. About good lord.. 15 of them lol.. But I myself? Felt nothing. If I am attracted to somebody I know very very early into talking to them, but that's just me.

Nowadays, I have no male friends.. and he has no female friends.

I do believe women can be friends with men.. But men can't be friends with women. We are the pursued.. You the pursuers. Biologically.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
980 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Well I have opposite sex friends, but I think the difference is (to me) that they are mutual friends with my wife.

And I am rarely if ever alone with them for any length of time, there is no need too.
What about a friend in which you and them are always alone when you hang out?

And to make it more interesting let me give 3 scenario's

1) friend that you once had a relationship with, this relationship can range from short to long term to never developing past few dates, kissing and talking about your feelings... You and this friend move past this stage and agree to be friends


2) friend that has admitted they have had feelings for you and you admitted you had feelings for them. Yet no relationship ever developed for possibly a number of reasons. Eventually you two move beyond these feelings and decide on just friendship

3) you and this friend have never openly admitted feelings for one another. In addition you never had a relationship of any sort and you continue to be friends for years.


General consensus seems to be that the first two friends will eventually lead to a relationship occurring due to curiosity getting the best of both individuals. But what about the 3rd case?

are they exempt from curiosity due to the fact that they have never agreed on their desire for one another?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
620 Posts
The problem is that most people think this is possible until all of a sudden...oops! It's not anymore.

The truth is that I feel this is kind of like someone waiting for you to trip so he can be there to catch your wife.

Is it possible...yes. Is it worth the risk ...I don't think so.

By the way I mean that either way, no alone time for my wife and an opposite sex friend or for me and an opposite sex friend. Just a precaution.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
14,139 Posts
All of our friends are mutual friends with us...We have one guy friend...been friends over 20 yrs, he talks to me more than my husband ...just cause I am more of an engager in conversation pretty much...we have alot in common.... but we only get together when my husband is there ~ right beside me. As it should be.

I have 0 physical attraction for him. There have been occasions where I was alone with him (roofers on our roof, tree cutters in our yard -while he was at work -special occasions)... my husband had no qualms with this. He has good character...and he respects my husband.

I do feel physically attracted close friends -getting off alone is a world of temptation though...could easily mess with your head ...and if trouble springs at home....mess with your heart in a whirlwind.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
980 Posts
Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Oh goldmember, I'm a female. Friends Zone most definitely exists. Absolutely most definitely. It's almost as bad as the "Sibling zone" actually.. most friend zoned guys turn into sibling zone guys if they can't get out of the friend zone. I swear, I have been close friends with men for over a decade without any physical or emotional attraction. I was completely dumbfounded when THEY told ME they had feelings for me. I had to tell them they were more like brothers to me.. About good lord.. 15 of them lol.. But I myself? Felt nothing. If I am attracted to somebody I know very very early into talking to them, but that's just me.

Nowadays, I have no male friends.. and he has no female friends.

I do believe women can be friends with men.. But men can't be friends with women. We are the pursued.. You the pursuers. Biologically.
What i mean by friend zone not existing. Is i feel that all you need is a spark or "attraction" and you will eventually have a relationship between the two individuals.

I do not believe that any of those guys who "liked" you ever had a chance with you. If they did than you would of accepted their request for a relationship or at some point you would of developed feelings for them.

"friend zone" is often used by males to describe a place in which a female places them in the "just friend zone" they often refer to this place as a place they could of avoided had they behaved differently or acted sooner.I do not believe that to be the case. If its a manner of acting or behaving differently than you will eventually have the chance to be with that person. In other words i do not believe that you placed anyone in a zone, i believe you simply rejected them and they will never be anything more than a friend.

Friend zone is usually described as a place by guys that they can "possibly" escape if they act different. I do not believe this so be true, i think there are individuals we are attracted to and can be in a relationship with and individuals we are not attracted to who we reject.



Do you see what i mean?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
739 Posts
I have male friends that I've been friends with since I was 15. I've never been attracted to them sexually, and to be honest, I wouldn't be physical with them unless they were like the last men on earth and the human race was dying out, and needed to procreate.

I adore them, they (and their spouses) have stuck by me in the best/ worst of times (my divorce, death of my grandfather, birth of my children). We don't hang out alone, it's only in group settings, especially since they're all either married or engaged. We get together a few times a year.

Could feelings evolve? Sure, but not on my end, I just am not physically attracted to any of them, and I don't think they're attracted to me. When I was 16 years old and single, we'd drink and get drunk, and the only physical touch involved was helping me get to the designated vomiting place, and make sure I didn't fall in. Other than that, maybe getting picked up and thrown off the dock into the lake, that's about it.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
2,130 Posts
Only if the female "friend" is open to getting physical. The male friend is always willing to get physical. But it is possible in any male/female friendship.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
620 Posts
Women usually think this is possible.


Most of the men on here feel that this kind of friendship is questionable, because we know how men can be, we don't trust other men.

Women are naive when it coms to men's intentions. JMO
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
980 Posts
Discussion Starter · #17 ·
All of our friends are mutual friends with us...We have one guy friend...been friends over 20 yrs, he talks to me more than my husband ...just cause I am more of an engager in conversation pretty much...we have alot in common.... but we only get together when my husband is there ~ right beside me. As it should be.

I have 0 physical attraction for him. There have been occasions where I was alone with him (roofers on our roof, tree cutters in our yard -while he was at work -special occasions)... my husband had no qualms with this. He has good character...and he respects my husband.

I do feel physically attracted close friends -getting off alone is a world of temptation though...could easily mess with your head ...and if trouble springs at home....mess with your heart in a whirlwind.
What if you were faced with these 3 scenario's

1) friend you had past relationship with of some sort. You and them both obviously had feelings for each other.

2) friend you had feelings for and they had feelings for you, both of you admitted this, it never turned into a relationship and you two just remained friends. You were attracted to them first

3) friend you and them are unaware of each other's feelings towards each other. But you are physically attracted to him and he is that "special" friend who you only hang out with alone.


^^ in all the above cases you two are close friends for years and usually hang out alone (even when you were dating other people).

Could something then develop you feel?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
970 Posts
That would depend on the reasons you started the friendship(male's perspective of course). I think if a guy got to know a girl who he was attracted to but didn't have the balls to declare his intentions up front but instead chose to go through with the whole charade of "lets be friends" knowing full well that he'd jump her bones the moment she gave the go ahead. So it all depends on the underlying intentions.

Believe it or not there are some women, colleagues and my wife's friends who I don't feel attracted to at all and talking to them is pleasant, if a little dull. There are other women, again, some of the younger women in my firm who are extremely attractive but I don't really wish to know them well or even compliment them because I know that I'm going to open a whole new can of worms if I proceed in that direction. Believe me, if you think you're starting to feel attraction to someone who you thought of as just a friend before, stay far away if you're not in a position to escalate it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
477 Posts
Mostly, unless the opposite sex friend looks like a troll or is gay. But I mean.. I'm a girl. I can be close close opposite friends with a guy and never develop any sexual feelings for him - ever. That's why guys complain so much about the "Friend Zone" it exists.. and it's nearly impossible to get out of. Like a black hole.

It's different for men.. Men don't have female friends, period.
Yes they do. Depends on the guy. I have several close long lasting friendships with males.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
371 Posts
One of my very best friends is a male. I've known him about 14 years now. Never did anything inappropriate with him. Even my stbxh didn't take issue with him. And we do hang out alone, discuss things as friends would and have a great time together. We have many shared interests and opinions and see each other 2x a week usually (he helps me in my workshop often). I've never made a pass at him and he is well aware that I've never been attracted to him in that way. He is like a brother to me. I have 3 other close male friends and two if them I've been close with since elementary school. My other best friend in the world is female. She also has male friends two of hers are mine too.

Do you know why my stbxh and my female friends husband didn't an don't care? Because they trusted us they respected our friendships and our ability to make good life decisions.

To date I've only had one significant other have problems with my male friends. He was projecting his insecurities on me. I dropped him like hot potato lol.

I understand some people are so jaded that they believe male/female friendships always end up in cheating. Or the less popular belief that men don't even like having female friends but act like it on hopes of getting some at some point.

All I know is my male friends have been around for years and I've never been in any situation remotely sexual with any of them. They are like family and will always remain that way. And before you say I must be a real troll for my male friends to not try to hit that. I'm no Charlieze Theron but I get plenty of attention from the opposite sex.

My friends respect me and my relationships and vise versa. Anyone who couldn't understand or accept that just isn't for me.
 
1 - 20 of 613 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top