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I’m desperate for any input . I’ve been married for thirty years 25 of them happy ! Not been intimate for the past five years husband confessed to having a porn addiction and promised he would sort it . I have suffered with depression low self esteem and attempted suicide a year ago as he refused to talk about our issues. This morning he left his phone open by mistake and he was on a gay porn web site. I confronted him and he’s trying to say it’s the first time he has looked at gay porn . I’m devastated his attitude is it’s my fault for looking on his phone. I’m so scared of loosing my home and can not see what my life will look like after divorce. Any advice will be much appreciated.
 

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I think you know it's not the first time he has looked at gay porn. He may be gay or bisexual.
If he is willing to work with you on this by going to MC and stopping the porn there is hope. If he refuses then not sure where you go from here.

It is hard loosing your marriage and home, I have done it. What do you want to do?
 

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To recap:

You have been in a sexless marriage for five years.
Your husband is addicted to porn.
He "promised" he'd sort it out (whatever THAT means).
Your husband is trying to blame you for his porn addiction.
You are freaking out over divorce/losing your home - which hasn't even happened.

So why are you in a long-term sexless marriage? Why are you willing to live with a man who would rather blame you than have a frank discussion about his porn addiction?
 
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He's obviously lying, it is not the first time. Don't let his major issues be a negative on your life anymore. You have plenty of good years left, as long as they are without him.

It's not your fault he is doing what he is doing, but it will be your fault that you lose out on the joys in life by not handling the situation.

Time to move on unfortunately.

Sorry this is happening to you.
 

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Have you sat your husband down and discussed his bisexual tendencies ( i would avoid the gay word here) doing this in a non threatening way he might be more open. Let's not jump to divorce just yet, you first have to understand what you are working with here. Remember looking at gay porn is not the same as actually have gay sex....
 

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I’m desperate for any input . I’ve been married for thirty years 25 of them happy ! Not been intimate for the past five years husband confessed to having a porn addiction and promised he would sort it . I have suffered with depression low self esteem and attempted suicide a year ago as he refused to talk about our issues. This morning he left his phone open by mistake and he was on a gay porn web site. I confronted him and he’s trying to say it’s the first time he has looked at gay porn . I’m devastated his attitude is it’s my fault for looking on his phone. I’m so scared of loosing my home and can not see what my life will look like after divorce. Any advice will be much appreciated.
If nothing else, know this:

  • It’s not your fault.
  • It’s not his first time.
 
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If he is into gay prom, I think he pretty much switched team already. I don’t really know if you can provide him with what he wants.

Has anything changed for when the marriage starts to go south? If you recap what happens around that time, it may help you find out why And get a closure, but it may not help you fix what’s already broken.
 

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I really think you need to ask yourself what you want from your marriage, what you are prepared to live with and what you have to do to get to that place.

I know a few women whose husbands are “part time gays”, whose wives accept that part of them and stay in the marriage because they value the parts where he becomes the husband again.

If he is gay, would you be able to accept any tryst he may have outside of the marriage? What would it take for you to accept this (no further sex between you, you take on a FWB to meet your needs etc)?

Don’t rush this process, give it good consideration and then, when you know what YOU want, plan on how you are going to move forward.
 
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