Talk About Marriage banner

1 - 20 of 37 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,425 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
How many people out there regret their first divorce? Or wish they had done things differently, or tried harder or maybe let things go more.


I’ll start. I filed for divorce, but I didn’t want it, he did. I would have done anything to save it, but he was over it. So I regret my divorce, even though there was nothing I could have done. Obviously in hindsight I wish I acted and behaved differently.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,275 Posts
I had no choice but to end my marriage due to the seriousness of what I had discovered. I would never have ended it otherwise and it was 2 years after the separation before I felt ready to actually end the marriage legally. My husband had no choice as she divorced him, he would never have divorced her.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
385 Posts
I've filed for and been divorced twice and I don't regret either one. I'm still not sure Wtf happened the first time around, but when someone asks you to leave for a while to see if they miss you, I don't know about you, but I'm a gtfo, we were WAY too young anyway. This time around, he cheated and I finally came to my senses thanks to you folks and let the garbage take itself out.

There's a limit to what you can do, even if you crawl backwards on your ass if both people aren't onboard. At the end of the day, why fight for someone who won't fight for you? Chuck those regret out the window girl and stop looking backwards!

Although I have no regrets, I'm grieving for the dream that's dead and gone now.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
6,343 Posts
Whenever I read or hear stories about people who say they'd marry their spouse all over again, I often wonder if they're telling the truth, or saying what they know they're supposed to say?

And it's always a surprise when I hear about people who've gotten divorced but end up having sex somehow.

Those experiences are so foreign to me.

With the exception of my children's lives, I regret my marriage - not my divorce.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
7,844 Posts
Whenever I read or hear stories about people who say they'd marry their spouse all over again, I often wonder if they're telling the truth, or saying what they know they're supposed to say?

And it's always a surprise when I hear about people who've gotten divorced but end up having sex somehow.

Those experiences are so foreign to me.

With the exception of my children's lives, I regret my marriage - not my divorce.
I agree.

Except for my child, I deeply regret my marriage but definitely not my divorce.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
13,731 Posts
Nope, don't regret it one bit. We're better off as friends.

Never really loved her, thought I did, but always kept her and past women at arms reach. Don't know how she put up with me for that long either, girlfriend wonders that too considering how I treated her, and others. Never transparent, vulnerable, or completely open with them. Not like now.

What I DO regret, is not knowing better. I should never have married her let alone a long term relationship.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
377 Posts
And it's always a surprise when I hear about people who've gotten divorced but end up having sex somehow.
My sex with the ex story:

My ex told me she was leaving August 2018 and she moved out in September. The next January her grandfather went into the hospital and died about 6 months later a few days before her birthday. It was about this time we were making the last preparations to get the divorce paperwork done. She asked if we could go out and talk about some things.

She asked things like if I saw us getting back together which led me to believe that she was having doubts. We talked about family logistics and financial agreements. She talked a bit about getting older and how she might end up alone (and ordered another drink).

She talked about her mortality how she was stressed out on the way back home (we had carpooled to the restaurant) and when we got home she asked if I could hold her for a bit. Later she asked if we could have sex. I agreed. It kind of felt like a chore and I didn't really feel good about the experience during or afterwards. I was doing a favor for the mother of my children because she was hurting.

She did ask the next week if a FWB situation was a possibility. My internal reaction was along the lines of, "if you wanted to have sex with me so much, why didn't you do that while we were married [email protected]#$!" and a huge shot of adrenaline but I just said that I didn't know if I could separate sex from feelings and I didn't want any feelings for my ex.

Back on topic, I don't know if I can have an opinion on the divorce really. My ex didn't have any really serious complaints about me but did have a long list of relatively minor ones. During the discussions, she kept saying that she felt guilty for divorcing me because there wasn't really anything wrong with me and I was a great guy but just not for her. She wanted the freedom of not having to consider anyone else's opinion when she made a decision and to live as an adult on her own which she never had really done before. I can't help but think that a couple years later, after paying her own bills and doing her own housework, that she probably appreciates what I did for her a bit more. She might make a decent girlfriend for someone later but I don't think she should ever get married.

The marriage wasn't a terrible idea at the time. The first quarter was good. The last quarter she was planning her getaway and probably doesn't really count though it sucked. The middle half had ups and downs with a downward slope. There always seemed to be hope around the corner (once we're out of the military and have some stability things will get better, once the kids are more independent she'll be more relaxed, if I do just a little bit more at home it will be enough, etc) that never actually materialized.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,623 Posts
I regret having wasted so many years with the person my ex-husband turned out to be. I've never regretted divorcing him for even a second.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
532 Posts
Zero regrets divorcing. Regret I waited too long to do it the second time. I had sex after with my first ex a few dozen times and it was actually pretty great. I think neither of us cared if the other was satisfied or how it felt for the other so we just took advantage of each other - or at least that was the extent of it for me. Second ex I have never seen or spoken to since the final court declaration and never will.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,559 Posts
How many people out there regret their first divorce? Or wish they had done things differently, or tried harder or maybe let things go more.

I’ll start. I filed for divorce, but I didn’t want it, he did. I would have done anything to save it, but he was over it. So I regret my divorce, even though there was nothing I could have done. Obviously in hindsight I wish I acted and behaved differently.
If you behaved poorly and your H just got tired of it and through in the towel, then I can see some regret with that.

I get it.

However, for me, and for most people that I know, their divorce was like rebirth on a hundred different levels.

I do not regret divorcing for one second, in any way...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,294 Posts
Whenever I read or hear stories about people who say they'd marry their spouse all over again, I often wonder if they're telling the truth, or saying what they know they're supposed to say?

And it's always a surprise when I hear about people who've gotten divorced but end up having sex somehow.

Those experiences are so foreign to me.

With the exception of my children's lives, I regret my marriage - not my divorce.

Hey, when I was single, a hundred years ago, I had a lot of ex gfs and still had sex with them now and then. More than 1/2 at least.

Does that count?

Thankfully, never before divorced. All those shenanigans obviously before M.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
6,343 Posts
To me, girlfriends aren't the same. Guys come back around all the time to see if a woman is still willing to have sex with them.

Going through a divorce is sooo painful, and some people get so mean and nasty and vindictive.

So, why would you want any sort of intimacy with that person ever again?

And in my situation, we weren't having sex anyway, so I didn't even see him as a sexual being anymore, and I just wanted the power struggle over it to end.

Hey, when I was single, a hundred years ago, I had a lot of ex gfs and still had sex with them now and then. More than 1/2 at least.

Does that count?

Thankfully, never before divorced. All those shenanigans obviously before M.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,559 Posts
To me, girlfriends aren't the same. Guys come back around all the time to see if a woman is still willing to have sex with them.

Going through a divorce is sooo painful, and some people get so mean and nasty and vindictive.

So, why would you want any sort of intimacy with that person ever again?

And in my situation, we weren't having sex anyway, so I didn't even see him as a sexual being anymore, and I just wanted the power struggle over it to end.
Some people do have sex with exs wives/husbands.

I never would, the thought of it makes me throw up a little in my mouth...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,003 Posts
I've lost a little piece of my heart with both of my failed marriages...I regret the loss of my dream of true love, I regret the breaking of my vows, I regret the pain that I caused them both, I regret trusting in something that turned out to be an illusion, and I regret getting married in the first place (especially since it wasn't my idea either time)...

YES, I regret getting divorced, and I even more regret putting myself in the position of being twice-divorced...it makes me nauseous even thinking of that. But that doesn't mean that divorce wasn't the right choice -- it absolutely was/is!!

But I'll always feel the loss of it...like a death.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,559 Posts
I've lost a little piece of my heart with both of my failed marriages...I regret the loss of my dream of true love, I regret the breaking of my vows, I regret the pain that I caused them both, I regret trusting in something that turned out to be an illusion, and I regret getting married in the first place (especially since it wasn't my idea either time)...

YES, I regret getting divorced, and I even more regret putting myself in the position of being twice-divorced...it makes me nauseous even thinking of that. But that doesn't mean that divorce wasn't the right choice -- it absolutely was/is!!

But I'll always feel the loss of it...like a death.
That is kind of terrible, I am so sorry.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
70 Posts
What I DO regret, is not knowing better. I should never have married her let alone a long term relationship.
That. We were never a match. I tried...oh how I tried. Divorce is never what I wanted, all I ever wanted in life was a long happy marriage and kids to raise. Never wanted success or a sparkly life, just my own version of a little house on the prairie life. :) I told him exactly what I needed. I asked. I begged. I pleaded. Then I left. No regrets.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,088 Posts
I don't regret my divorce at all. I hold marriage vows as something sacred but I also hold sacred the fact that I have just one life and it's going to be as healthy and happy as possible and that wasn't happening in my marriage.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
385 Posts
I've lost a little piece of my heart with both of my failed marriages...I regret the loss of my dream of true love, I regret the breaking of my vows, I regret the pain that I caused them both, I regret trusting in something that turned out to be an illusion, and I regret getting married in the first place (especially since it wasn't my idea either time)...

YES, I regret getting divorced, and I even more regret putting myself in the position of being twice-divorced...it makes me nauseous even thinking of that. But that doesn't mean that divorce wasn't the right choice -- it absolutely was/is!!

But I'll always feel the loss of it...like a death.
You voiced exactly how I felt about my 2nd marriage and divorce. The loss of that dream you talk about is the same one I am trying to make peace with. I thought I had that for most of that relationship (just under 20 yrs), then found out how much of a lie it was. Why can't people be honest about who they are and what they want from you?

I must be a sucker for punishment, I still believe in true love.
 
1 - 20 of 37 Posts
Top