[Rickytcraig]

Hi, We are married 10 years ago and I adopted her 11 year old daughter which was fine. She is 21 now and on her own. The problem is things have fallen apart for years, up and down. I lost my job 6 weeks ago, i am getting unemployment but she has 2 jobs and stays mad at me until the last few days, I noticed she does not answer my text and I went to buy a product where she works (home depot), she was at lunch and her friend , who I know, said she was at the Chineese food place in walking distance, I drove over and she was not there nor her car, i texted when i got home 5 minutes later and no answer, so i called her 10 minutes later and she said she was at the food place and sounded uptight. she called back before her hour lunch ended in a great mood saying where was I and i should have joined her when it was too late, blah blah,,,, she got off work, bad mood again, and i told her , It looks like your going in a different direction than me as far as "US"... she did not say a word and looked at the tv.. I think it's over? what about you? 10 years on the line here... I caught her fooling around with the neighbors 5 years ago if that matters

 

[the last straw]

hi rick you are not communicating with each other. she is stonewalling you. you are not trusting her. you've got to go over basic rules of conversation and talk your feelings to each other openly and without judgement if your relationship has anything to hope for

 

[Rickytcraig]

thanks to The last straw on advice, Since then.. I asked her last night if she was leaving me? She said neither one of us is happy and did not say anything else. So i walked out of the room as she watched tv, we don't even sleep in the same bedroom much! I will work on the conversation and see what happens?

 

[maefair]

this sounds much like me and my husband, except reverse the pronouns. he pretty much has refused to talk, and that, i guess has led him to disappear. nothing's gonna work if one person, or both persons, don't talk about things.

 

[Rickytcraig]

Hi maefair, after last night's talk, she went out to dinner with her girlfriend's tonight and while i left a note on the counter saying I would be at the beach(we live half mile from Panama City Beach) thinking of our future, she had come home and saw my note and sent a text saying would u like to join us for dinner? Being at the noisy beach, I did not get the text til I checked my bberry 2 hours later and it was to late but when she got home I opened up like "the last straw" told me and thing improved, she had a lot to unload and thought i was mad , which I am not.... then I said what about sex? I tossed her back on the bed to go down on her which she used to like and she got up and said no, I really feel like she is seeing someone? I asked her that and even suggest others to have sex with during our marriage.. she said no and that there is nobody.. I told her my therapist, which she would never go to, said at her age (41) she should be in her prime, I said that and she said she is not interested in sex. I said BS, but she clammed up. I really think she has a side man?? thanks all for replying

 

[the guy]

Rick,
Sorry to tell you this, but women need/ have to have certian things and they will get them for self preservasion.
So it is only my opinion that you should start doing some investigation on the possiblity of your wife having an affair.
As long as there is someone else she is turning to, your marriage will be challenging.
My wife has never turned down me when I go down there so when she came home from being out all night with friends I knew something was wrong. She even went to bed with her jeans on.
There are sighns that can help you determine if she is having an affair and you should atleast look into it so you can start repairing your marriage.

 

[hopefloats]

Rick,

Before you jump too fast. Has she ever given you need to think that she is being unfaithful. Is there a possibility that she is moody, angry and upset because she is acting out fear. When my husband lost is job he was the main financial source of income for our family. I was scared too death. All kinds of things went through my mind, and so many what ifs.

I also was very moody,and angry. Not so much at him, but moreso at the situation. Moody because I was afraid of how things would be taken care of if he did not find another job. Angry because we had not better prepaired for such a life changing event to happen. So many of our plans had to be put on hold.

You two just need to talk.

 

[hopefloats]

Rick, I just reread your post.. Did not see the neighbor thing the first time.. how did I miss that..

okay, first let me say that not all women are at their sexual prime in their 40's. A lot of factors can change that prime in different women depending on many things from hormones to mental health. Then let me say also, women when stressed unlike men just don't want to do it. Most women are all about emotions, and not by sight like men.

Now that I have said that...with me I realized that when I found out about my husband's affair, it was history repeating itself. that is when I realized that the affair that I thought was the first in fact was not. His actions was a repeat of what I had seen before in the past.

If she is not having an affair she should not have a problem with your checking her phone, and phone records. She should not mind staying in touch with you, and letting you know where she is going. Plus I would show up where she says she will be. Don't let her know when or where you might just show up. Just do it.

Has anything changed about her appearance...have you noticed that she is paying more attention to her appearance before she goes certain places. The red flags for me is that my husband went from briefs to boxers, and started to chew gum. No big deals, but flags non the less.

You see what a person who has been unfaithful in the past need to know and realize it is up to them to prove that they are not doing anything wrong, and it's them that put the doubt in their partner.

 

[Rickytcraig]

Wow, lots of great advice and great thanks to all. I do not see any different look to her, when I talked to her 3 nights ago , I asked her if she was seeing anyone and her answer was "how would i have time for that" , she is working 2 jobs , 1 full, 1 part time. she is keeping the part time job money to her self she told me. Just tonight I came home and I can see inside the front door when I pull up in my car, i saw her real quick turn off the tv and go the bedroom, I said why did u do that , she said she was going to bed anyway, it was 7 pm.. Later , I went back to the bedroom to shower and say I was tired , (10 pm now) when I got out of shower , light was off and she was acting asleep, I tapped her and she said she had a headache, how classic. Anytime i try to have any sexual contact , she has an excuse for the last year it seems.

 

[Rickytcraig]

for hope floats, yes , if u read the first message, I caught her with next door neighbors about 5 years ago

 

[Rickytcraig]

On the neighbors fooling around 5 years ago, I walked in next door and turned on the light to see the woman next door going down on my wife and her hub playing with her tits while my wife was on her back nacked of course, she later said she was expiermenting? thing is , how long was that going on ? we no longer live next to them

 

[Rickytcraig]

thank you Hope Floats, on your response. When I think back, she did say her Dad messed with her when she was like 10 or something, so it really messed with her . She will not let our daughter be alone with him back when she was that age. She don't even talk to him anymore