My divorce happened quickly. Three months of separation, a month later, I'm divorced.
Why did it happen? Prior to being married I was in the military for sixteen years, constantly deployed. Lets just say your only sexual stimulation comes from the computer unless you want a disease. It followed me to my marriage and manifested itself. It was never a physical cheating, but it was finally caught, with a warning from my wife.. don't do it again. I did, eight years later. I admitted I had a problem, and got into therapy, and attended meetings... but not enough to save my marriage. Thirteen years of marriage done, with kids to try and save too.
I lost the love of my life, tried to press on. My nightmare was her meeting someone else and moving on, leaving me in the dust. For about three months I saw my kids and rarely saw her. I'm in a city where she has family and I've got an aunt who understands very little about my life. I struggle financially and am looking for a better job, where she has a career and makes good money.
Suddenly I am back home, with her and the kids. At this point I'm living in an apartment, but find myself with her more and more. My therapist tells me if this is what I want, roll with it and see where it goes. I'm getting better emotionally. I'm feeling some hope. We are sleeping with each other, I'm doing things I dreamed of with her, the computer screen a distant past. I explained to her that visual stimulation disgusts me now because it caused me to lose her.
Then it all died. A family get together one weekend and then I'm told we can't see each other anymore, we'll never be together, and stop caring about me. Unless its about the kids, don't talk to me.
I still love her, and she will always in my eyes be my friend. Its very hard to not be angry, buy this is my doing, I did this. I just feel we never gave it a chance.
Why is this so confusing?
Why did it happen? Prior to being married I was in the military for sixteen years, constantly deployed. Lets just say your only sexual stimulation comes from the computer unless you want a disease. It followed me to my marriage and manifested itself. It was never a physical cheating, but it was finally caught, with a warning from my wife.. don't do it again. I did, eight years later. I admitted I had a problem, and got into therapy, and attended meetings... but not enough to save my marriage. Thirteen years of marriage done, with kids to try and save too.
I lost the love of my life, tried to press on. My nightmare was her meeting someone else and moving on, leaving me in the dust. For about three months I saw my kids and rarely saw her. I'm in a city where she has family and I've got an aunt who understands very little about my life. I struggle financially and am looking for a better job, where she has a career and makes good money.
Suddenly I am back home, with her and the kids. At this point I'm living in an apartment, but find myself with her more and more. My therapist tells me if this is what I want, roll with it and see where it goes. I'm getting better emotionally. I'm feeling some hope. We are sleeping with each other, I'm doing things I dreamed of with her, the computer screen a distant past. I explained to her that visual stimulation disgusts me now because it caused me to lose her.
Then it all died. A family get together one weekend and then I'm told we can't see each other anymore, we'll never be together, and stop caring about me. Unless its about the kids, don't talk to me.
I still love her, and she will always in my eyes be my friend. Its very hard to not be angry, buy this is my doing, I did this. I just feel we never gave it a chance.
Why is this so confusing?