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Hi,

I need some help to put it bluntly. Quick background. Been married for 20 years, two great kids in early teens. Found out 4 months ago my wife had an emotional and sexual affair with a married cowardly male (who hasn't told his wife) for 9 months. She begged me to try marriage counseling. We spent the last 4 months and roughly $6,000 on marriage counseling and have finally settled on divorce. Throughout the 4 months she continued her affair off and on with lots of lies and deceit. At one point I even agreed she could see him because she was constantly crying about how much she missed him. I think she used the phrase "not seeing him was like having her arm cut off". Either way I finally gave up and told her I am divorcing her. We have agreed on a date and she has rented a nice place to live not far from where I live and where the kids' school is. All good. Until she moves out and we inform the kids I asked her if she could out of respect hold off on her affair until she has moved into her new place. She agreed. Anyhow, she already got the keys to her new place and yesterday I drove by her new place and lo and behold her car and her lovers car was there. She had not answered her cell phone for 2 hours and our kids were with our housekeeper at home. So here we are. I, the only one working, have rented her a place where she can live, we have a housekeeper who is here when the kids come home from school, and she takes the opportunity to sneak out, turn off her cell phone, and have sex with this affair guy in her new place. Well, i call her up and she admits she is at her new place and as I drive up the guy comes running out of her townhouse. Bad scene. I confront her and she says "I really don't need to be lectured to". I left it at that.

Anyhow, I am angry, frustrated and pissed. It is as if this woman I have known and loved for 20 years, who I have two wonderful kids with, is all of a sudden a completely different person. Unrecognizable, insensitive, ice-queen. She is on anti-depressant medication and it seems to make her completely cold to anything but her own horny longings for this guy.

I want to respect her and raise our great kids together even though we will be divorced but her complete lack of empathy is mind boggling and drives me away. It seems like I am dealing with a crack addict who can't control herself.

Thoughts?
 

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Hi,

It seems like I am dealing with a crack addict who can't control herself.

Thoughts?
You are....

Expose the affair. She couldn't keep her word... you don't need to, either. Get the OMW on the phone ASAP and give her ALL the dirt. period. Worst mistake I ever made was delaying that one thing. Just do it.
 

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You are....

Expose the affair. She couldn't keep her word... you don't need to, either. Get the OMW on the phone ASAP and give her ALL the dirt. period. Worst mistake I ever made was delaying that one thing. Just do it.
:iagree:
Agreed get it over with. It has to be done. She is out of the house, now is the time to do it and get it over with.
 

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Nordic

Great way to placate a cheater.

Wait till the cowardly d!ckhead dumps her and she wants to come home and be your wife again once the high wears off.

Stop paying for her place. Have your attorney get the D done.

Notify his wife of the Affair.

And let her side of the family know why she has lost her mind and her marriage!!!

And no it is not a midlife crisis.

Your wife has become a selfish woman who has no respect for you or your children.

HM64

PS
You should have walked in and taught them both a lesson. Especially with children involved.
 

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Cheaters are insensitive and cruel with their words. Please don't beat yourself up about this. You may never understand why she is acting like this. I know it is really hard and I feel your pain and anger. Just be there for your children.

My Prayers for you and you children.
 

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Sad.

I think you caught her only this time.

It is a good riddance for you to D her.

Move on, it hurts to be in your place. You will be better than now in the months to come. Take care of yourself. Take care of your kids.
 

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Why haven't you told this guys wife, mother father and brother?

Why haven't you told HR at their work

And why are you nicely renting her a place do she can have sex with the OM?

In short why haven't you gone nuclear on this woman who has thrown you right under the where's of the bus?

Also remember to sue her and the OM for the 6000 you wasted on MC.
 

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You are enabling her sex fest with OM by paying her rent.
What did you expect from a cheater by giving them a place to stay on your money?
Did you exposed them to OMW and friends? Else do it.
This!

WTF am I reading OP!?

In the name of all the Gods below, wut the hell do you think you are doing!

The thought that a Man could rent a flat for his wife to fcuk her OM in is actually giving me vertigo.

FFS, if it were me, the OM would disappear through a tree shredder feet first if I could lay my hands on him.

Where the hell is your sense of outrage? You have been WRONGED!
 

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You are dealing with an addict.

Sorry, but she has made her choice. She cannot live without him, and she is choosing to live without you.

Since you are divorcing her, she has to stand on her own two feet. She is using you, and potentially destroying her lover's marriage as well.

I would cut off the dollars and let her fend for herself. Taking your money for rent and then telling you "I don't need a lecture" while she wrongs you is the behaviour of an entitled teenager.
 

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Hi,

I need some help to put it bluntly. Quick background. Been married for 20 years, two great kids in early teens. Found out 4 months ago my wife had an emotional and sexual affair with a married cowardly male (who hasn't told his wife) for 9 months. She begged me to try marriage counseling. We spent the last 4 months and roughly $6,000 on marriage counseling and have finally settled on divorce. Throughout the 4 months she continued her affair off and on with lots of lies and deceit. At one point I even agreed she could see him because she was constantly crying about how much she missed him. I think she used the phrase "not seeing him was like having her arm cut off". Either way I finally gave up and told her I am divorcing her. We have agreed on a date and she has rented a nice place to live not far from where I live and where the kids' school is. All good. Until she moves out and we inform the kids I asked her if she could out of respect hold off on her affair until she has moved into her new place. She agreed. Anyhow, she already got the keys to her new place and yesterday I drove by her new place and lo and behold her car and her lovers car was there. She had not answered her cell phone for 2 hours and our kids were with our housekeeper at home. So here we are. I, the only one working, have rented her a place where she can live, we have a housekeeper who is here when the kids come home from school, and she takes the opportunity to sneak out, turn off her cell phone, and have sex with this affair guy in her new place. Well, i call her up and she admits she is at her new place and as I drive up the guy comes running out of her townhouse. Bad scene. I confront her and she says "I really don't need to be lectured to". I left it at that.

Anyhow, I am angry, frustrated and pissed. It is as if this woman I have known and loved for 20 years, who I have two wonderful kids with, is all of a sudden a completely different person. Unrecognizable, insensitive, ice-queen. She is on anti-depressant medication and it seems to make her completely cold to anything but her own horny longings for this guy.

I want to respect her and raise our great kids together even though we will be divorced but her complete lack of empathy is mind boggling and drives me away. It seems like I am dealing with a crack addict who can't control herself.

Thoughts?
Why would you want to have any respect for this woman?

Expose! Stop being so passive!
 
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Why haven't you told this guys wife, mother father and brother?

Why haven't you told HR at their work

And why are you nicely renting her a place do she can have sex with the OM?

In short why haven't you gone nuclear on this woman who has thrown you right under the where's of the bus?

Also remember to sue her and the OM for the 6000 you wasted on MC.
Um, he IS getting a divorce.

He IS the sole breadwinner so part of his maintanence is probably paying for her own flat.

But i agree with the exposure.
 

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Dear OP,

You are getting divorced. She no longer needs your input in her life nor wants it. You essentially told her to 'drop dead' (in her mind. She glosses over the whole 'porking the neighbor' thing)

So you no longer get a say in who she sees or what she does.
 

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You paying for her place is not a loss - you may have to pay her a big chunk of cash as part of the divorce, so technically this counts towards that, but there is no need for you to play nice and enable the affair - you can refuse to do any payments till the courts decide.

If you are being nice in the hopes that the D will be better, forget it, once push comes to shove its usually everyone for themselves. No matter how nice you are, she will try to take you for as much as she can.
 

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Hi,

I need some help to put it bluntly. Quick background. Been married for 20 years, two great kids in early teens. Found out 4 months ago my wife had an emotional and sexual affair with a married cowardly male (who hasn't told his wife) for 9 months. She begged me to try marriage counseling. We spent the last 4 months and roughly $6,000 on marriage counseling and have finally settled on divorce. Throughout the 4 months she continued her affair off and on with lots of lies and deceit. At one point I even agreed she could see him because she was constantly crying about how much she missed him. I think she used the phrase "not seeing him was like having her arm cut off". Either way I finally gave up and told her I am divorcing her. We have agreed on a date and she has rented a nice place to live not far from where I live and where the kids' school is. All good. Until she moves out and we inform the kids I asked her if she could out of respect hold off on her affair until she has moved into her new place. She agreed. Anyhow, she already got the keys to her new place and yesterday I drove by her new place and lo and behold her car and her lovers car was there. She had not answered her cell phone for 2 hours and our kids were with our housekeeper at home. So here we are. I, the only one working, have rented her a place where she can live, we have a housekeeper who is here when the kids come home from school, and she takes the opportunity to sneak out, turn off her cell phone, and have sex with this affair guy in her new place. Well, i call her up and she admits she is at her new place and as I drive up the guy comes running out of her townhouse. Bad scene. I confront her and she says "I really don't need to be lectured to". I left it at that.

Anyhow, I am angry, frustrated and pissed. It is as if this woman I have known and loved for 20 years, who I have two wonderful kids with, is all of a sudden a completely different person. Unrecognizable, insensitive, ice-queen. She is on anti-depressant medication and it seems to make her completely cold to anything but her own horny longings for this guy.

I want to respect her and raise our great kids together even though we will be divorced but her complete lack of empathy is mind boggling and drives me away. It seems like I am dealing with a crack addict who can't control herself.

Thoughts?
Unfortuntely, you sound like a crack addict who can't control himself either.

Let me guess, you haven't told his wife?
 
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