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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited by Moderator)
I wasn't sure where to post this question but as i'm actually separated from my wife and most of my posts have been in this section i thought i would place it here.

My wife cheated on me and left me for another man who she is now living with. This man is a self employed electrician and i have it on very good authority ie his brother and his sister in law that he doesn't declare all of his earnings and does a lot of work cash in hand to avoid paying income tax.

In the past i would never dream of reporting someone to the authorities however this man has caused me so much heart ache and pain that i am really tempted to contact the authorities and pass on his details so that they can investigate him as i now have his full address.

So here is the question, would you report him to the authorities (inland revenue) or just keep quiet ?
 

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What you have is hearsay, not proof that someone in authority could examine.

Let's talk about something else. The best revenge is living the best life.

Why are you letting the thoughts of them hinder you from the life you deserve? Hinder you from moving on to a better life?
 

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Discussion Starter #3
What you have is hearsay, not proof that someone in authority could examine.

Let's talk about something else. Why are you letting the thoughts of them hinder you from the life you deserve?
It's not hearsay I can assure you, my life is over as far as I'm concerned, I can't physically hurt the man as I know that they will involve the police and as far as I'm concerned it's not right that my 30 year marriage is over and they're swanning around enjoying life while my children and I suffer.
 

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I wasn't sure where to post this question but as i'm actually separated from my wife and most of my posts have been in this section i thought i would place it here.
My wife cheated on me and left me for another man who she is now living with. This man is a self employed electrician and i have it on very good authority ie his brother and his sister in law that he doesn't declare all of his earnings and does a lot of work cash in hand to avoid paying income tax.
In the past i would never dream of reporting someone to the authorities however this man has caused me so much heart ache and pain that i am really tempted to contact the authorities and pass on his details so that they can investigate him as i now have his full address.
So here is the question, would you report him to the authorities (inland revenue) or just keep quiet ?
I'm going to give you the best advice I can having gone through similar in my own life. Stop focusing your energy (good or bad) on your STBX wife or her boyfriend. The more you focus on them, the less you have to focus on you.

I promise you, you will feel so free when the only feeling/thought you can muster after hearing gossip about your STBX wife and her AP is "I don't really give a flying ****". But the only way to get there is to practice ignoring them.

You have to find ways to remove them from your mental space. By contacting the authorities you're only extending your own misery.

Rule #1 - DO NOT do anything which focuses your energy onto them.

Rule #2 - DO NOT do anything that has a potential to involve them in your life.

Only focus on yourself. Do not make them a priority.
 

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You didn't hear anything. You're hurt. Your life is far from over.

You've been knockdown. Stand up and dust yourself off.

You need to concentrate on making a better world for yourself and your children, not those two who could care less. Stop the pain shopping. It only retards your progress.

Consider, years from now, how you want to look back at this situation and how you handled it. Did you poison your life with hate or did you stand up move forward for the better?

Remember your children are watching.


Best
 

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Discussion Starter #6
I'm going to give you the best advice I can having gone through similar in my own life. Stop focusing your energy (good or bad) on your STBX wife or her boyfriend. The more you focus on them, the less you have to focus on you.

I promise you, you will feel so free when the only feeling/thought you can muster after hearing gossip about your STBX wife and her AP is "I don't really give a flying ****". But the only way to get there is to practice ignoring them.

You have to find ways to remove them from your mental space. By contacting the authorities you're only extending your own misery.

Rule #1 - DO NOT do anything which focuses your energy onto them.

Rule #2 - DO NOT do anything that has a potential to involve them in your life.

Only focus on yourself. Do not make them a priority.
I know that you and anchorman are both right but it's easier said than done.
I have spent a lifetime with this woman and given her the best years of my life, its been 5 months now and I still broke down in tears today and I've never felt so alone in my life.
You didn't hear anything. You're hurt. Your life is far from over.

You've been knockdown. Stand up and dust yourself off.

You need to concentrate on making a better world for yourself and your children, not those two who could care less. Stop the pain shopping. It only retards your progress.

Consider, years from now, how you want to look back on how you handled this. Did you poison your life with hate or did you stand up move forward for the better?

Remember your children are watching.


Best
Years ago he actually did work for us cash in hand so it's not hearsay it's a fact just for the record.
I can't just let it go and be walked over and treated like a fool, the only way I'm going to get some kind of closure is to make him regret going behind my back either financially or physically.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Anchorwatch please except my apologies I came across rude with my reply to you and it was uncalled for as I know that your trying to help...I'm sorry for being rude.
 

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You want revenge on the OM when it’s really your wife who’s at fault. For what it’s worth, my marriage was much longer than yours when it crashed and burned. Not for a moment did I actually consider getting even with the OW. It was my cheating husband who destroyed our marriage. Just like your cheating wife did. But obviously you’re going to do what you’re going to do (why even ask the question if your mind‘s already made up).
 

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No offense was taken. You are hurt and in an emotional state. It will take time before you heal. We understand that we are all different individuals and all heal in our own time. We are only trying to show you the path to that healing.

You know you are the better man. Don't lose yourself in this dilemma. Let your children see you as the lighthouse, Living as best you can. Let your daughter see you that way too. A light to come to.

Best
 

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Have you exposed what your wife and this POSOM are doing? Do your kids know? If they are old enough, they should. Your friends should know.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
You want revenge on the OM when it’s really your wife who’s at fault. For what it’s worth, my marriage was much longer than yours when it crashed and burned. Not for a moment did I actually consider getting even with the OW. It was my cheating husband who destroyed our marriage. Just like your cheating wife did. But obviously you’re going to do what you’re going to do (why even ask the question if your mind‘s already made up).
If the other man was someone who I didn't know then I wouldn't be so angry with him but it's my best friend's older brother who I hadn't seen in years.
Obviously my wife is to blame which is another reason I'm tempted to inform on him for tax evasion as it will effect her too ultimately.
 

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For what its worth, I understand the way you feel and agree with you doing what you have said you would like to do. For all the reasons listed and more. Firstly, I would destroy the MF in any way I could. He did work in your home for you so he knew you were a couple but still continued. Next, as you said, reporting him would affect your scummy wayward wife and I am one that believes in consequences and repercussions. Finally, it might help the local economy if he actually paid some tax!!!
 

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Discussion Starter #14
For what its worth, I understand the way you feel and agree with you doing what you have said you would like to do. For all the reasons listed and more. Firstly, I would destroy the MF in any way I could. He did work in your home for you so he knew you were a couple but still continued. Next, as you said, reporting him would affect your scummy wayward wife and I am one that believes in consequences and repercussions. Finally, it might help the local economy if he actually paid some tax!!!
As I said it's not something I would usually do but this would allow me to cause some pain and hardship to the two people who have destroyed my family and everything I've worked for, plus if everyone else pays tax why should he get away with not paying it.
 

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I know that you and anchorman are both right but it's easier said than done.
I have spent a lifetime with this woman and given her the best years of my life, its been 5 months now and I still broke down in tears today and I've never felt so alone in my life.

Years ago he actually did work for us cash in hand so it's not hearsay it's a fact just for the record.
I can't just let it go and be walked over and treated like a fool, the only way I'm going to get some kind of closure is to make him regret going behind my back either financially or physically.
You are grieving, but revenge will get you nowhere. When a person is angry and hurt, it’s normal to have thoughts of inflicting that pain onto someone else and to think that it will make one feel better. The definition of grief is to experience unwanted change. This is obviously an life change that was not wanted and has caused a loss in your life and marriage and what you hoped for. I would encourage you to allow yourself to go through the grieving process in a way that allows you to maintain your integrity. Sadly your wife made the decision to leave, not you. Show your children love and compassion during this difficult time and reach to give them the best legacy you can leave them with. How do what them to remember you? We all make mistakes and have regrets. But today and every other day is a new day. Trust and have faith.
 

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As I said it's not something I would usually do but this would allow me to cause some pain and hardship to the two people who have destroyed my family and everything I've worked for, plus if everyone else pays tax why should he get away with not paying it.
How will you feel when you report him and nothing happens? Because that is what will happen - nothing. You think almost every contractor in the world doesn’t do this on some level? After you play this card and nothing happens I think you will feel more hurt, more angry, more victimized. That sense of injustice from what you are going through can be overwhelming but I would suggest you don’t add to it.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
You are grieving, but revenge will get you nowhere. When a person is angry and hurt, it’s normal to have thoughts of inflicting that pain onto someone else and to think that it will make one feel better. The definition of grief is to experience unwanted change. This is obviously an life change that was not wanted and has caused a loss in your life and marriage and what you hoped for. I would encourage you to allow yourself to go through the grieving process in a way that allows you to maintain your integrity. Sadly your wife made the decision to leave, not you. Show your children love and compassion during this difficult time and reach to give them the best legacy you can leave them with. How do what them to remember you? We all make mistakes and have regrets. But today and every other day is a new day. Trust and have faith.
I understand where your coming from however from another perspective he is breaking the law by not paying his taxes like everyone else has to....after all it is tax evasion no matter how you look at it.
Please, don't do it.
What valid reason do you have for not reporting him for breaking the law ?
 

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I know that you and anchorman are both right but it's easier said than done.
I have spent a lifetime with this woman and given her the best years of my life, its been 5 months now and I still broke down in tears today and I've never felt so alone in my life.
I spent 23 years with my ex. Trust me, I know how you feel because I felt the same way myself.

You're only 5 months out from your world, as you knew it, imploding. Your anger is a normal part of the grief process (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) but the key to getting through the process is to not get stuck in any one stage.

Too many stuck in anger and can never move on with their lives. They become bitter and tend to alienate those around them.

You have to be strong for your children. They are going through those stages as well. They need YOU to help them through it. You may believe your life is over but theirs is just starting. Do you want them becoming bitter people who alienate others? Yes, it hurts. Yes, it's difficult. But you HAVE TO lead by example. Keep focusing on the positive and stop focusing on the negative.

Years ago he actually did work for us cash in hand so it's not hearsay it's a fact just for the record.
I can't just let it go and be walked over and treated like a fool, the only way I'm going to get some kind of closure is to make him regret going behind my back either financially or physically.
This sounds like it's going to turn into a he said/he said which is impossible to litigate. Also it's going to cost the government more money to investigate than what your StBXW AP would have owed in unreported income. Cost benefit analysis says you're not going to see anything come of reporting him. How would that make you feel?
 
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