[ggtam000]

I met my girlfriend about a year ago, we met and after few months later she has become pregnant. Upon delivering the news, I got disoriented and has become very stressed on this news. My initial reaction was to abortion and her was to carry to term. Later on we both agreed on to not to have abortion. This is due to the fact that we consider the abortion is terminating a life and she is post-abortive.

Now our relationship has become a boiling point and she has became a very raging person and I have become very tired and disoriented. We are trying to talk our way but more we exert effort more we seem to be in not being able to understand each other.

I talked to the pregnancy counselor today and explained my behavior and she said I am exhibiting the symptoms of depression. Now I am considering what I am supposed to do about the relationship. I usually in touch with her every 1-2 days and more than that she becames quite angry and carping. I am thinking about two possibilities, minimize the conversation and frequency of conversation between us during the emotional time until birth. This is because if we try to reconcialate it just seem to be making things worse.

Part of the problem is that although I did not want this pregnancy initially, I am having hard time bonding with the child and quite terrified about talking about the baby with her. She very wants the baby but the fact I am not bonding enough seem to be putting a lot of strain in our relationship. I just dont know if I will have a strength to carry with her term. Since keeping in touch seem to be making things worse and lot of emotional damage, I am very concerned that eventually it is going to lead us to resenting each other alltogether.

I am considering about whether I should avoid contact till the term and meet her afterward. I know it will sound selfish on my respect but this way we can minimize the emotional damage to each other. BEcause currently we are seem to be in deadlock. Please give some advice.

 

[kipani]

Mothers become mothers when they get pregnant. Fathers become fathers once the baby is born. I was CRAZY during my pregnancy. An absolute nut! Then for an entire year after that.

I am normally pretty nice but I was an absolute *****. I said mean, hurtful things almost daily.

Ditching her until birth is a really bad idea. You need to be there for her or THAT will build resentment. It'll strengthen your relationship in the long run.

My boyfriend was not there for me my first pregnancy. I am still angry at him for it - it was 5 years ago. For the second pregnancy, he was perfect.

Don't avoid contact, or THAT will build resentment. Talk to her logically and calmly. Sit down with her at a restaurant or something and have the discussion.

She is going to say things she doesn't mean. It's hormones. You might say them back in retaliation but generally in my experience its girls who are more emotionally abusive..

Anyway.. Now I've got 2 children and I'm with the same guy. He stuck around. I respect him and the work he does.

 

[ggtam000]

Hi Kipani, thanks I understand. I do see she is very emotionally distraught and at least for now I am trying to be there for her. Situation is quite hard. The reason I keep contact out till birth is almost due to desperation on my part because of the emotional up and down between us. I guess I shd stay till birth then. I think leaving her like this till birth will make it even worse. I believe there is already resentment between us because of the initial disagreement between us over the baby.

However our situation is even more complicated. She is abroad, she needs to come back to US for birth because of the complications. She has some choice: move in with me or move in to friend's place nearby.

I met her only few times and moving in with her with pregnancy just outright overwhelming. It is not being unwelcome but during this emotional instability between us, and living together all of a sudden is a change I might not be able to put up with.

I am thinking about trying to find her a place so that at least we can meet regularly and adjust to our new situation gradually. It is not a perfect solution, but for now it looks to me a best solution.