I found online message boards very helpful for some other issues I've had to deal with. This one looks pretty active and with people who can understand this situation so thanks in advance for reading and your comments.
My wife and I have been married for over 14 years. We were both each other's first serious girl/boy friend and she's a bit (6) years older than me, and I guess she felt societal pressure that she had to get married. I honestly was in no rush (I'm an average guy that just didn't put much into relationships) but the only other relationship I really knew (or thought I knew about) was my parents, which wasn't truly about love, but was more about devotion to each other.
Which in my mind meant taking care of the other person and just being with the other person. I didn't like the thought of not being with her so I did 'accept' the ultimatum and I can honestly say I have not generally regretted the decision, because in some sense I'm a loner, and not very emotional, and we lived our lives together in harmony, or so I thought.
However, I also did pick up some bad habits from observing my parents traditional marriage, where the man had all the power and basically expected the women to cook and clean. While I don't think I was that bad, I did sometimes slip into that mindset, and for that I was sorry and willing to change.
Past that, her complaint that has led to her to ask for divorce is that there's no classic 'spark' in the relationship. I'm not going to lie and say there was, but my concept of love is apparently different, and it was devotion to her. I'm working on the feelings that many expect, but it's not natural to me to have ever felt that way.
Despite all that, I feel that I love her and love being with her and wanted her to be my companion for life. I have made some mistakes and willing to adjust those, and I'm working on culling the other side of love. But is my devotion enough? Or since the spark wasn't there and maybe something that can't be created after the fact (and maybe I just don't 'feel' that way about anyone or anything) is this a lost cause and I should just move on after all this time?
My wife and I have been married for over 14 years. We were both each other's first serious girl/boy friend and she's a bit (6) years older than me, and I guess she felt societal pressure that she had to get married. I honestly was in no rush (I'm an average guy that just didn't put much into relationships) but the only other relationship I really knew (or thought I knew about) was my parents, which wasn't truly about love, but was more about devotion to each other.
Which in my mind meant taking care of the other person and just being with the other person. I didn't like the thought of not being with her so I did 'accept' the ultimatum and I can honestly say I have not generally regretted the decision, because in some sense I'm a loner, and not very emotional, and we lived our lives together in harmony, or so I thought.
However, I also did pick up some bad habits from observing my parents traditional marriage, where the man had all the power and basically expected the women to cook and clean. While I don't think I was that bad, I did sometimes slip into that mindset, and for that I was sorry and willing to change.
Past that, her complaint that has led to her to ask for divorce is that there's no classic 'spark' in the relationship. I'm not going to lie and say there was, but my concept of love is apparently different, and it was devotion to her. I'm working on the feelings that many expect, but it's not natural to me to have ever felt that way.
Despite all that, I feel that I love her and love being with her and wanted her to be my companion for life. I have made some mistakes and willing to adjust those, and I'm working on culling the other side of love. But is my devotion enough? Or since the spark wasn't there and maybe something that can't be created after the fact (and maybe I just don't 'feel' that way about anyone or anything) is this a lost cause and I should just move on after all this time?