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Me and my husband started as "friends" for 2 months (we met in university and he was recently transfered into mine) then we tried dating, even though on his part he was actually "courting" me the entire time and I didnt notice. I never took people in my classroom seriously back then.
 
Been together 27 years now.
Slightly knew him, as he was casually dating my friend, but hadn't spoken much. But I loved his smile and we always hugged when meeting.

One night we shared a taxi, ended up at mine, and the sexual chemistry and sex was intense.

He dropped my friend and started trying to date me. So I eventually went on a date and we hit it off so well, that we were living together a few months later.

I've never had a friendship first relationship.
 
Been together 27 years now.
Slightly knew him, as he was casually dating my friend, but hadn't spoken much. But I loved his smile and we always hugged when meeting.

One night we shared a taxi, ended up at mine, and the sexual chemistry and sex was intense.

He dropped my friend and started trying to date me. So I eventually went on a date and we hit it off so well, that we were living together a few months later.

I've never had a friendship first relationship.
Presumably you lost your friend?
 
From what I can tell, based on my admittedly biased group of readers recovering from divorce/infidelity, the "we were best buddies first" scenario is super common and doesn't seem to end well for many. If you look at the relationship from a romantic/sexual point of view (because otherwise, it's just a friendship) you want the relationship to start at a super hot and heavy level of mutual attraction. Visceral, raw attraction that lasts for years. Why? Because invariably, with the eventual comfort and familiarity of marriage/kids, that level of passion dwindles and it takes real WORK to keep it going at a healthy level.

If you start off as buddies with no real oomph there, then you run the risk of one or both of the partners "waking up" later and realizing how important that oomph is to their feeling of well being. This is usually brought about by boundaries coming down and contact with somebody outside of marriage. Once one of the spouses feels that super-duper oomph (strong sexual attraction) with another person... watch out.
 
Well ok, to clarify, there WAS a strong attraction there. When my wife first saw me, I was walking away down the hall and she asked the woman I just spoke with "Who is THAT?" The woman replied "he's practically married", but she loved my walk and thought it was sexy. She was always attracted to me.
For ME, she had VERY short hair (which I'm not a huge fan of), but a GREAT figure and a beautiful face! Once her hair started growing out, the attraction ALSO started growing even more, esp. since I knew my other relationship was pretty much over except for the singing. The more I got to know her, the more the attraction grew until....

I sent her an email saying that she was keeping me up at night -- and she asked ME out for drinks (she had never asked any other guy out ever).

Just because we started as friends does NOT mean there is no "oomph"...
 
Met my wife around 6 PM one night while camping with friends (My buddy was dating her friend) We slept together that night. We both chalked it up to a one night stand, but I unfortunately gave her a disease. So a few days later, I had the antidote so I had to see her to give it to her. We then slept together that night and the rest is history. Been married for 14 years now. That disease I had for about 6 months (most miserable time of my life) eventually found me happiness....oh life's paradox are funny like that!
 
Ours was dating, we met on line. First message was Monday, first phone call Thursday, first meeting Saturday. I knew by the Sunday that he was the man for me. He is my very best friend.
I also like when people go after what they want!
 
I have had four LTR:

BF #1 in HS - friend. We went to the same church youth group and played baseball together. In HS, he was tall and cute, and I had a bit of a crush on him, but had known him for about 3-4 years already so I knew him as a guy and as a friend. We had a LOT in common. So he said, "Hey you know how everyone dates in HS and there's all this drama? Want to just go together and do all that stuff together so we don't have to try to be BF/GF?" I said "Sure sounds like fun." We went to dances and prom and football games together, and yeah we made out like HS kids do, but he was my friend first, and a cute athletic guys second. REALLY liked him!

ExH (#2) - date. He was the security guard at my apartment complex after college. He was tall and cute, and he asked me out. We dated for while, slept together, he moved in, and he told me he didn't want to get married but I didn't listen and stuck with him anyway. Two years later we got married, and we divorced when he cheated on me.

Dear Hubby (#3) - friend. I met Dear Hubby online on a forum. His exW had cheated, my exH had cheated, and we more or less were just learning how to deal with all that. I knew of his existence but didn't talk to him for probably a year, yet I thought he was one of the most intelligent men I'd ever met. He had a username that intrigued me and the first time I did speak to him, I asked him what his username meant. After that, we talked online and on the phone for probably 6 months and then finally met in person. He wasn't a knock out, physically, but I seriously loved his mind and in short time I felt attracted to HIM (the person) and we married I think it was 1 1/2 years after first meeting.

Beloved Hubby (#4) - friend. I met EB here on this forum. I know of his existence for two years, and I did occasionally talk to him out in public here. At that time, I was hoping to help him see his W's possible point of view, and my Dear Hubby was alive, so I didn't really think about EB that much at all, other than to note that he was very consistent and thoughtful--a lone kind voice, when some here on TAM were more hurt and resentful. Then, my Dear Hubby died and his wife asked for divorce. The first thing I wrote to him, personally, was that I do not say this lightly but your posts have helped people and I thought he should know that. We agreed to be friends and help each other through our individual tragedies, and we did. And along the way I started to know more and more of him and like him more and more.

So for me, all the LTRs that lasted and were a good match started as friendships. As I began to know the person more and more deeply, I loved them more and was more and more physically attracted to them. Now EB is a very handsome man--VERY--so never an issue there, yet I don't see just his gorgeous bod when I see him -- I see the inner, beautiful person he is. I don't know if I'd see that inner, beautiful person if I wasn't his friend also.
 
Friends!

We met in a chat room on a site similar to this. We had a group or "regulars" that chatted often, so were friends for about a year before we ever met. Long distance relationship for a year after meeting....then I relocated to his place....and it's been happily ever after. 13 years and counting!

I think, meeting online, in a chat atmosphere was really helpful. We all talked about everything under the sun. Personal stuff, comedy, tragedies, kid stuff, stbx stuff, legal stuff, FOO stuff, sex stuff, etc.... I think we all opened up an awful lot more in that chat room that we would on dates. Well, I did anyway.
 
Flirtation and non-dates that turned into dating.

He was scanning radio stations; heard my voice on-air. My friend took the incoming calls from listeners, however, he called and asked to speak with me. Before passing the phone across, she told me his accent was hot and we jokingly fought over his call. Him and I briefly chatted, and he called again the next couple of weeks. We were a bit flirtatious, mutually attracted by voice, personality and music. We arranged to meet casually at a bar. It wasn't a date but I remember feeling intrigued, nervous and excited. We hadn't thought to describe our appearance to one another... upon meeting at the bar, he didn't run the other way ha ha. We'd only exchanged smiles and hello, when he next saw me being escorted outside towards a cop car. I made a lasting impression. I was warned for being underage, and too embarrassed to look his way.

After our very brief encounter, he asked for (and I gave him) my personal phone number. We arranged to meet at another club. Again it wasn't a date, no set plan. A guy I'd dated a few months before had gotten in touch and asked to meet later that same night - different place, a set plan, my intention was to be there; never made it to meet other guy, technically I stood him up (sorry!). Batman and I danced and kissed all night. The next day, he invited me to lunch the following week. The date continued beyond lunch. He needed to run errands and asked if I was cool to keep hanging out. We chatted, listened to music, collected his dry-cleaning. He then invited me to continue the date with a movie and dinner. We were smitten fairly quickly, moved in together within a year.
 
First saw my wife in 10th grade English class. I'm sitting with my buddy Matt and theres this picture on the wall of an asian woman. Well, he made a joke about how it looks like Katie. We're both laughing, she's pissed. But I thought she was attractive. Typical HS kids, you have no ability to laugh at yourself or jokes about yourself. You just get mad.

So this hot asian chick hated my guts for a solid 6 months. I dated around. Dated this really hot girl from another school. She even skipped a few days to have lunch with me. Yeah, I was a decent looking dude with that "no game" game. Women don't even recognize this game. It's the "oh, he's being sweet but he has no game so I want to f*** him" game. They dont even know it's happening to them. Next thing you know you got their number. Like I don't know what I'm doing. :wink2: sorry to give away our secrets fellas :laugh:

Anyway, I dated around. Then one night I'm out with Matt and Kirk and we go to a Powerman 5000 concert. Katie is there. I'm 16 so of course I'm blasted. I hit on her all night. In front of this kid named Ryan who I knew and liked well enough. Turns out after the concert Matt and Kirk are roasting me for hitting on this dude's girl in front of him all night. He never said anything and I didn't know. I'm not privy to all the dating gossip, because I don't care.

Well now I caught her attention, because I'm so sexy and all. So of course like a rat, I was gonna steal this woman away. She is supposed to be mine. That guy did nothing while i was hitting on his girl in front of his face. Complete puss of a kid. Maybe better looking than me? Pretty boy pushover. Well anyway, we start chatting. Turns out PM3K (powerman 5000) was doing a show in Oklahoma city. Being the master of words I was, I talked her into coming with me out of town to see them. So we both lie to our parents about spending the night at friend's houses and off we went. Took her car. I'm a baller like that.

We get there, the concert is sold out. Cant get tickets. So we ended up going to the movies and watched 6th Sense. Then we went to a restaurant called Austin's and shared fajitas and a raspberry cheesecake. I do and have done a lot of drugs folks. I remember all of this trip like it was yesterday. That's what this means to me. Anyways, we have nowhere to stay that night. So I figured we would park in a hotel parking lot. Lots of cars. They aren't moving. We will blend in. Well security comes and knocked on the window at about 1:30am asking what we were doing there. Me being the fast talking swindler I've always been quickly made up a story and he bought it, like they always do 0:) . He then took time and showed me where the ice machine and vending machines were. He gave us some water bottles and said we were fine to sleep there in the car for the night.

It was freezing cold. I gave her back seat and stayed in the front waking up every hour or so to run the car and heater to keep us warm. We didn't have blankets or anything obviously. This was all winging it from the beginning of the trip. Finally around 3am I climbed into the back. Had to try and make a move. We shared our first kiss (she just cheated on ryan :surprise:) and she went to sleep on my shoulder cuddled up to stay warm.

Next day we are driving home and I mean, the deal was already done. She was mine at that point. Ryan who? On the ride between Amarillo and Lubbock, she hops over on top of me while I'm driving and I precede to nearly wreck the car for 40 miles down the interstate as we are making out and I'm trying to drive while she's straddling me in the driver's seat. Uhhhh, can you say FREAKING HOT!

The rest is history. officially "asked her out" (steady) on 3/21/00.
 
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Curious how many of us began our journey with our partner as a friend vs the dating game? And what differences that might have made?

Differences being things like, when you start out as friends, there might not be any real chemistry for a while, and it might ramp up more slowly. Is that better, or worse? Also, as friends, you may know more about each other, and you might even have greater expectations for honesty about their history, because a primary subject of conversation will naturally be how you're dating life is going. Not something that would come up so honestly during dating, right?
I was with my (soon to be) ex for 20+ years and was setup on a blind date by a mutual friend. Ironically, your comment about a natural subject of conversation being how the dating life is going was what brought us together, sort of. My ex was complaining to her friend (who I was tutoring in math) that she'd been dumped just before Christmas because her boyfriend had graduated high school the year before and wanted to date "a college girl". The mutual friend knew that I'd been on a couple dates a couple years ago when I was a senior and that's basically it.

The first date was a double date with the matchmaker, her boyfriend, and us. She managed to call me stupid, probably gay, and look horrified that her sister had borrowed her car and I'd have to give her a ride home. The matchmaker tricked her into a second date (she didn't want one) by telling my ex that she'd already talked to me and told me that she wanted to go on another date (she hadn't). From my perspective it seemed like she had a change of heart and asked me out on a second date. This was much less of a disaster (we spent our Christmas money at the mall and had lunch at my parent's house) so she agreed to go to a New Year's Eve party a couple days later. After the party she went back to my place and she had her first ever orgasm >:) and she was more or less hooked for the next 10 years. The next 10 years not so much but that is a story for another time.
 
Mrs. meson and I were friends for four years before we started dating. In fact I was engaged to someone else when I met her at a house I was staying at while I looked for housing when I entered grad school. She was also seeing someone else as well. Within six months I was dumped and her boyfriend cheated on her so she broke it off a year later. I didn't date for years and we got to know each other in social situations. Thus when we actually started dating it went super fast. It was only a few months and we committed.

Helen Fisher a noted relationship/love researcher has found that the trend is now to become friends first. Dating is less common. It's more about having fun with groups and making friends of which some of them may grow into deeper relationships. Quite frankly, I think this leads to stronger and deeper relationships. Dating is too shallow to really learn about anyone and then the neurochemicals hit and blind you to the realities of the mismatch between you. That's what happed with my first relationship. It's much better to know someone is compatible before the chemicals overwhelm your senses.
 
Started as a on-line date 4+ years ago. I was his first date when he signed up, and I was his last on-line date. On the 28 th of this month we will be getting married.




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
Dating.

I have had a number of male friends but never wanted to get involved with them romantically.

All of my boyfriends came about through dating.

My husband? I honestly thought it was going to be a one night stand. That was just over 19 years ago.
 
Dating here!

Two very toxic blind dates ~ didn't actually know it at the time!

Sad thing is that they both went very well, but God, how time would absolutely fail to bear that out!
 
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