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Up front, this is long and probably way too detailed for anyone other than those who are suffering from insomnia! My apologies for that, however even if no one reads this, just writing it out served as some therapy for me. Also, as I read other posts I realize this is pretty tame, but still serious to me as I try to determine if my open and honest relationship is "real".

I have an amazing relationship with my new wife of close to 6 years now. This relationship is completely different for both of us compared to previous relationships and a previous marriage for both of us. From the beginning we have been determined to have complete honesty with each other regardless of the good, bad or ugly of a situation. She has shared difficult details of her past and shared things that have happened since we met that made me feel greatly confident of that openness and honesty; yet here I am!

I am trying to decide if something happened on a business trip that took place about 2 years ago. I had put the questions behind me until some photos turned up from a push of all our various device photos to the Amazon photo cloud service. It was enough to make me start digging and trying to determine if I am just letting my imagination get the best of me or if she is not quite as honest and open as I thought. I just want to make a determination one way or another, I just have this compelling need to know. I went back to old texts and pictures to try to piece this together.

My wife went on a business trip in California. We both travel for business and like to keep in touch via text during our travels. We also like to tease each other a bit about situations that normally occur during travel. Sophia is an extremely attractive and intelligent woman, and often gets hit on by men. She tells me when this happens, and we laugh about the situations. She is in a sales role for her company, and it is standard procedure for me to ask and receive a picture of how she is dressed for the day or dinner meetings she might have. At this meeting, she set up her company booth (working alone for the company at this conference) and was soon meeting with many physicians to talk about her product. During the first day of travel, setup and meetings she sent me several pictures of herself (she always looked very professional and very sexy at the same time), pictures of competitors products and booths, text discussions of who she was meeting and how they might be useful to her company, etc. There was a reception later the first day, she got back to her room at 1 AM and I did not receive any texts that I would normally get while she was out but wanting to stay connected to me. She does not drink much and is not a party type of person, she is quite serious by nature.

The next day she met a highly rated physician and successful international businessman that was a perfect fit for her company product and perhaps even an advisory board role for them. He invited her to lunch to discuss further. After a 2-hour lunch, she was practically gushing to me regarding his credentials and was excited that she might be landing a very prominent candidate for the company. There was another reception that night at 6 PM, I received one text saying things were going very well and that she “was bonding”. She texted at 1 AM that she was heading back to her room and would call, it took quite some time for her to call though. She described the physician as a “wonderful soul”, and that he invited her to dinner the next night.

The next day the physician stopped by her booth and said he had made reservations for 6 PM. She was still gushing about his credentials on that day, and to be fair, he would make a great addition to the company. They went to a nice place for dinner, she did not send me any pictures of herself before going to dinner (as she normally would) and only sent a Trip Advisor link to the restaurant they were going to. I was getting curious about this new friend and asked for a picture if she could without it being awkward. She did not send any, however later I found a picture he sent her of the two of them at the restaurant standing side by side, her nestled into him with his arm around her. Dinner was around 9 PM, no texts or pictures, only a text at 12:20 AM saying she was heading back to hotel and would call me. If my memory serves me correctly, there was a long delay and she finally called at 1:30 AM saying he wanted to have another drink with her at the hotel. There was a goodnight kiss and hug, because the next day she referenced the one she received as bigger and longer than the night before.

I received a sexy Good Morning Avatar the next morning, told me she had plans to have coffee with him at 10:30 AM. The company was planning for her to go to another similar conference in Florida in a couple of weeks since she had so much success at this one. The physician was going to be at that one also since it was near his hometown. He was leaving town that day, and they met again for a two-hour lunch where they had a glass of wine (she rarely drinks wine during the day). When I teased her regarding if she received a goodbye kiss (humor was my way of trying to find out what was happening) she replied by text saying “yes, big hug and kisses”, and that he was excited about her coming to Florida. I pressed her about the extent of the kisses, she just said bigger and longer than the other ones. I asked if this was open lip, she replied “NO”, and then no longer wanted to discuss it and left to take a walk, effectively closing the discussion.

I pushed back on the trip to Florida and we had a big argument by phone and text. I told her I was concerned not that she had so many meeting with him, but that she was meeting with him exclusively and that the lunches and dinners were 4-hour ordeals. Also, I asked why I never received any pictures of how she dressed for each of these outings with him, feeling that she was hiding something. Somehow, my teasing was to blame, and that I should keep my focus on our relationship vs. trying to build one that did not exist with someone else. The decision was made that she would go to the 3-day Florida meeting.

Florida, Day 1. Physician stopped by her booth first day to ask her out for a drink. Reception started at 5:30, they had drinks and dinner together at restaurant, she was back in room at 10:30 PM.

Day 2. We had another argument that morning, not about physician but about something trivial but she would not let it drop. He asked her out to dinner that night, drove her to EPCOT to one of the nicer restaurants there. They decided to stay for the fireworks and walk around the park together. Once again, she did not send me any pictures of what she was wearing to go out, it was a fancy restaurant and she likes to dress up when going out. She told me what she wore, and I remember being surprise that she dressed down for a nice restaurant. She wore a long sleeve linen shirt over a cami. I remember thinking maybe I’m making too much of all of this, if she is dressing down then it might just be my imagination. Later, I found pictures that he took of her outside the restaurant. It was as she described, but something about the picture didn’t seem right. Then as I looked closer, I realized that it is obvious she was braless and the cami was actually a sheer open lace-back one that she owns that is very sexy. With the temps in Orlando being very warm then, I now believe that is how she dressed for dinner but put on the linen shirt as a jacket and buttoned it up for the picture. She did not tell me about the pictures, saying she never had any, but these came over automatically from her phone during the photo download. Also, there is a look on her face for these 3 photos that made me wonder. I sent the picture to a woman friend of mine who knows us both and asked her what she saw in the picture giving her no context. Her first reply was: “Wow, did you both just make love??”.

Day 3. She was invited by him to a special physician only reception, she was dressed to kill (finally sent a picture). 5 PM reception, they walked to dinner at 7. There was live music, she had a martini (once or twice a year will she drink anything but wine). I asked if they danced, she said not really…only in a group. Later I found texts by him and her complimenting each other on their dancing, and him saying it is easy to look good dancing when you have Ginger Rogers in your arms. Plus, there was a two-hour gap in messages when the dancing would have taken place. She was back in her room at 11 PM. Somewhere in the evening she told him she was happily married, he said then needed to clone her so that he could have one for himself.

Day of departure, he texted to ask her to go to lunch before he left. She agreed, even though she knew this was really causing problems between us. After their lunch he drove home, but on the way, he recorded himself singing a love song to her in Spanish (his native language). He also sent other music clips to her of his favorite Spanish artists, pictures from world travels, etc.

So, if this was anyone else, I would probably have no question. Having an affair would go against all of her principles and her character. We discussed this at length, with her ‘convincing’ me that nothing happened. That yes, he must have developed feelings for her, but it was all professional. She also said, the meetings were 85% business and 15% personal. My accounting shows they probably spent about 40 hrs together between the two conferences, so that does not ring true to me.

Please, no abuse for how I handled this. I beat myself up plenty and do not need any help! I would like to hear if this is obvious or not to others who have read my account (once you wake up, of course).
 

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She spent the week dating him and having sex with him repeatedly. A person would have to be braindead to believe her. Don't let her gaslight you. Tell her to be honest with you if she wants to save the marriage. Either she tells you all that happened or you see a lawyer this week.
 

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Maybe she is not cheating, but she allowed him for sure to flirt with her. Him dedicating her songs, is unacceptable. Makes you wonder what were they really discussing during those “ work meetings”
 

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You are right to be suspicious, red flags everywhere but no solid proof and she may have likely covered her tracks if anything did happen.

Regardless of if it happened or not, she:

  • Conjured a fog over your otherwise transparent relationship. This means one or two things; she was doing something inappropriate, or she knew how you would react so decided to hide it from you. Either is no good, let alone both.
  • Continued to entertain the man's interest even though its blatantly obvious what he wants. That's a dealbreaker for me.
  • Showed no regard of your feelings in this manner and acted defensively when confronted.
Overall regardless of what actually happened, you need to put a foot down on boundaries and stand firm in what you can or can not tolerate.

I do not have meetings alone with women past office hours, I keep everything professional and my transparency is consistent. This is not good conduct marriage-aside.
 

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While there is no proof she was sleeping with him, I would say she was having a great time dating and being wowed by him. If she didn’t have sex with him I’m sure she was thinking about it.

For my marriage this would be way beyond my personal boundaries and my wife knows it. But that’s my marriage.... not yours
 

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Something odd about the entire business travel. However, my first thought was your W was using all of her business skills and assets to bring the Dr. onboard with her company. However, there was not much more than dinner, drinks, dancing and some innuendo perhaps. Further, how much communication has there been with this Dr. since this trip two years ago? If none, I would say there is not much more to the story. Dr. was interested in more than dinner. Your W was interested in her company by getting the Dr. onboard. Perhaps your W noticed this is all the Dr. wanted. No interest in coming onboard at all. This may be something your W needs to explain.
 

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I've had a to travel for business before. Companies i worked for had rules of behavior that spelled out that such fraternizing could damage the reputation of the company.

If she wasn't doing the guy she sure was as close to that as you can get.

Slap and tickle is not the way to conduct business. And it certainly is hugely disrespectful of her marriage to you.

If I were you? I'd get tested for STDs and consult with a divorce attorney.

Your wife is lying to you about her affair.
 

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I’m going to be very blunt here.
Your wife sounds like the type of salesperson who would mortgage her soul for a sale. I’ve met women like this and nothing is off limits when it comes to selling. She was basically prostituiting herself with the doctor and probably many more besides.
You say you would joke about men hitting on her, do you find it funny now?
And what about her hitting on men? She has her ass in the store window and she’s had plenty of enquirers.
 

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Sorry but that's not a professional married women

If my wife who WAS a CEO for a large company had conducted herself as you described her bags would have been packed and waiting outside for her return

Only way forward to attempt to uncover is either polygraph or large friends that would ask the gentleman questions
 

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You didn't have the balls to do anything two years ago. Why bother now? you now have an inside view of what your wife is capable of in order to make a sale: it is called prostitution.
Re-read his post. The reason why is within it.
 

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El Cid thought he was going to get some, but it's possible your wife held back.

But what she was doing was very shady, very unprofessional and it reflects badly on her.
Matt I would respectfully adjust your post slightly.
El Cid new he was going to get some, and he did. The handsome, charismatic doctor and international businessman reminds me of myself and some of my colleagues from years ago. I wouldn’t have came back the second day if I didn’t get what I wanted the first day.
And neither did he.
In big business hot, sexy saleswomen are ten a penny. That’s why they get the jobs in the first place. Then they use everything in their power to clinch the deal.
And I mean everything.
 

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@Rob Panache,

I this is your real name, I suggest you use a user name that does not identify you. It's really best to remain anonymous on this site. Let me know what you'd like your user name changed to and I'll take care of that.

Also, if your wife's name is Sophia, I suggest you edit your post and remove her name.
 

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I've been on many business trips over my 37 year career!

I've had ladies that were all over me trying to 'make' the sale. When push came to shove, and I called their bluff, nearly 100% of them backed off and claimed their marriages were important to them.

The one married woman that actually showed up at my hotel room door was let down gently and sent on her way.

It is very possible that your wife remained faithful on her sales trips. However, with the amount of personal time spent with this Doctor, including alcohol, fancy restaurants, and especially schmoozing, I'd say there is also a high chance he had his way with her!

Ask her to take a polygraph. If she refuses, you have your answer. If she fails it, you have your answer. If she passes it, you have the best wife going!

JMHO.
 

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She spent the week dating him and having sex with him repeatedly. A person would have to be braindead to believe her. Don't let her gaslight you. Tell her to be honest with you if she wants to save the marriage. Either she tells you all that happened or you see a lawyer this week.
Agreed. Sorry. Move quickly. Also demand she hand over her phone for retrieval of deleted information. And put a VAR in her car immediately.

As others have said, a poly may be in order but you may want to gather a little more information and intel first.

If she won’t immediately hand over her phone for retrieval of deleted information by forensic software, and balks and says things like her phone is private, then you know you’ve got a severe problem on your hands. I speak from experience.
 

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I found a picture he sent her of the two of them at the restaurant standing side by side, her nestled into him with his arm around her.
Big long kisses and nestling into the arms of another man? Married women who are not adulterers don’t do this. Sorry. That picture alone should be enough to tell you the truth.
 
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